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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

OMG!!! Hormonal Teen Aspie with SERIOUS ATTITUDE!!!

Posted by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:21 PM
  • 14 Replies

He is driving me INSANE! It does not matter what we ask, what we're talking about, etc, he has to give back HUGE attitude, or argue with us over every little thing. I can tell him it's snowing out, and it's an argument.

He has always been a kid who likes to correct people- most Aspie's are. But this is different. He's doing it just to do it. He's doing it to be very disrespectful. He's slacking on his chores, then when we have to get up and remind him it's chore time, he starts swearing, even though he knows it isn't allowed in the house.

Tonight, I told the kids it was time for chores. He was in another room with the door shut- after a few minutes he didn't come out, so I yelled in case he couldn't hear me. At the same time, my youngest daughter went to knock on the door to the den to knock and let him know. He started yelling and cussing her out as he came out, before I told him it wasn't allowed.

He started yelling at me that he KNEW it was chore time, and to stop yelling at him, and I said we didn't KNOW he knew it was chore time if he didn't respond. He said he yelled that he knew, then said, "If you'd just open your fucking ears, you would have heard me!"

So, yeah- needless to say, he's grounded for the week. DH came home from work 2 minutes later. When I tried explaining it, DS jumped in with "I wasn't swearing! You're lying!" So, I told him to knock it off, and stop acting like he's in charge all the time, and to stop arguing and let me just finish a sentance.

When I turned around away from him, he flipped me off where DH could see. So, needless to say, he's now grounded for 2 weeks.

Everyone said girls were hard as teens. I call BS. DS is 14, DD is 17. I have never had this many issues with her as a teen, as I have with him, and it's only been about 3-4 months of this so far. It just keeps getting worse.

Ugh. Can't wait till DD11 is a teen. She's an Aspie as well. I'm guessing I'll be lucky to survive her teen years. May be time for prozak again.

by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JTMOM422
by Brenda on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:22 PM

Wow momma sounds like you had a rough time of it tonight. Hopefully things start to get better for you. I know that NT teens are hard enough. Lots of nieces and nephews. Don't know how my sister made it through LOL. she has 2 done with it 2 going through it and 2 more still to go through it. HUGS momma

AnnaNonamus
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:51 PM

Thank you :)

It's just been so easy the past few years, since the kids were DX'd, and they started going to OT, and getting help at school. It's been so much easier- they were old enough to understand things, and now... man, I'm NOT ready for another what, 6 years of this?!?!?

I may wind up moving to Disney World and living under the castle.

Quoting JTMOM422:

Wow momma sounds like you had a rough time of it tonight. Hopefully things start to get better for you. I know that NT teens are hard enough. Lots of nieces and nephews. Don't know how my sister made it through LOL. she has 2 done with it 2 going through it and 2 more still to go through it. HUGS momma


darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 5, 2013 at 6:56 AM

Hugs mama!  Hope things get better...my son is only 4 so I don't have experience with that!

mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 5, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Has he always been defiant and aggressive? Or is this all completely new behavior?

And after he was grounded, did he still have to do his chores?

All behavior has a reason behind it. It's either to get something or get out of something. If you could figure that part out, what it is he's trying to achieve, it would help you a lot.

I personally wouldn't talk to him when he started acting that way. If he flipped me off, I'd just tell him to go to his room I would not have any conversations about it, just immediate consequences.

Then, at a time when he wasn't in a bad mood, I'd have a conversation about how you want him to act when you tell him it's chore time. Kind of like a Social story. Focus on telling him what TO DO. As opposed to what not to do. And then let him know that any other behavior will result in an automatic consequence (extra chores, loss of tv or video games, etc).

I have never grounded my kids for more than a weekend. I think that once you have taken everything away for so long, you are losing your "ammunition" for that entire time period cause if he misbehaves, what else can you do? Extend the grounding? I think at that point the kid is like, what's the point of behaving, I'm always grounded.
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hwifeandmom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:44 PM

My ASD dd was like this.  Part of it was hormonal teen changes and part of it was that she developed a mood disorder.  My ASD teen son is not this way.  When dd went on meds, it helped a LOT. My dd was worst around age 14.  She's 18 now and a much different child.

I also agree with the previous poster about discussing the problem when the child is calm as well as implementing meaningful consequences.  When we figured out that sending dd to her room was rewarding her, we had to strip her room of all fun things and later even removed her bedroom door.  She had to earn back privileges.


amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:00 PM

I have one with ASD & one with ADHD, needless to say I may be moving to Disney World with you.  lol

Quoting AnnaNonamus:

Thank you :)

It's just been so easy the past few years, since the kids were DX'd, and they started going to OT, and getting help at school. It's been so much easier- they were old enough to understand things, and now... man, I'm NOT ready for another what, 6 years of this?!?!?

I may wind up moving to Disney World and living under the castle.

Quoting JTMOM422:

Wow momma sounds like you had a rough time of it tonight. Hopefully things start to get better for you. I know that NT teens are hard enough. Lots of nieces and nephews. Don't know how my sister made it through LOL. she has 2 done with it 2 going through it and 2 more still to go through it. HUGS momma



momtoscott
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:22 PM

 Does he get an allowance?  My teenage son can be very rude and disrespectful to me, and what is working lately is suspending his allowance.  That is, he continues to earn it, but he doesn't get it, isn't allowed to spend it, etc., unless he makes the effort to control his tone, not argue, etc.  (He still has to help with chores, they are not tied to his allowance.)

When I tried this for the first time, the improvement in behavior was immediate and sustained.  It wasn't a permanent change (we are suspended again right now), but it did make life easier for all of us.  My son loves to buy books and other stuff, so it was the right motivator for him.  I also told him it's the first step, and if your behavior doesn't change, I can always think of something worse...he believes me...and I gave him lots of positive feedback about how much more fun we were having when he was making the effort to be pleasant. 

AnnaNonamus
by Bronze Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 4:10 PM

It's all fairly new behavior- he's always been vocal about what he thinks is the truth, but it's not that anymore. It's arguing for the sake of arguing, while knowing he's wrong.


He did still have to finish his chores. That's a daily rule. Chores must be finished before dinner. They've had chores for almost 5 years now on a regular basis, so it isn't something new, or out of the ordinary for his internal schedule.

DH had a conversation with him later- he's better at it with Chris for some reason. Chris knows every last button of mine to push, while I do better with our younger autistic daughter. Chris has always responded better to DH than me.

We typically ground based on the school week. "Rest of the week" always pertains to through Friday, with no grounding on the weekend.

Quoting mypbandj:

Has he always been defiant and aggressive? Or is this all completely new behavior?

And after he was grounded, did he still have to do his chores?

All behavior has a reason behind it. It's either to get something or get out of something. If you could figure that part out, what it is he's trying to achieve, it would help you a lot.

I personally wouldn't talk to him when he started acting that way. If he flipped me off, I'd just tell him to go to his room I would not have any conversations about it, just immediate consequences.

Then, at a time when he wasn't in a bad mood, I'd have a conversation about how you want him to act when you tell him it's chore time. Kind of like a Social story. Focus on telling him what TO DO. As opposed to what not to do. And then let him know that any other behavior will result in an automatic consequence (extra chores, loss of tv or video games, etc).

I have never grounded my kids for more than a weekend. I think that once you have taken everything away for so long, you are losing your "ammunition" for that entire time period cause if he misbehaves, what else can you do? Extend the grounding? I think at that point the kid is like, what's the point of behaving, I'm always grounded.


TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:40 AM
1 mom liked this

 I know! they're VERY literal...mine's only 11 and if I said it's raining cats and dogs, he's have to spend a half hour telling me why that's scientifically impossible! LOL!

OMG...good luck with your daughter! My daughter is perfectly normal in every way, but she gets on my nerves the most!!!LOL!!

ruggy03
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:53 AM
Theres gotta be more to it.school,tv,games,new friends.is he in publlic school having to fit in?could he have overheard u on the phone or with hubby talking about something?hahah my 14 year old went thru a weird personality stage and I said okay Ur grounded....Disney and veggietales for a whole week...after 3 days if that he was so over his new persona......i still will hum a song or whistle one from veggietales when or if he even starts his tude and he ends up changing it quickly...
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