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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Normal 4yo behavior, or....

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM
  • 9 Replies

Hello all!  So our son (4) was diagnosed PDD-NOS November 2011.  At the time we received the diagnosis because he needed services, but the doctor thought he was just behind and would catch up and eventually lose the diagnosis (I don't want to get into it).  Every since he was born he would get clumsy, have a milestone (1-2mo late), clumsy, have a milestone.  I constantly question his diagnosis mainly to know we are receiving the correct services for him.  Well lately I have felt like a bad parent or like I'm doing something wrong.  My husband has worked 3p-3a for the past year and in now back in school full time finishing his last semester of school and is home A LOT more.  Well W has been very whinny lately, even crying at school because he wanted to continue to play with the cars and not move onto the next activity...his teacher has never seen that.  The past week or so, when he gets in trouble, he just responds with an "ok!" or an "alright!" perky like or if he is supposed to go in time out he'll go, but it's not like it bothers him anymore to sit there for 4 minutes.  I explain why he got in trouble, why he can't do it, and to stop "Ok!".  It is VERY frustrating to me and I feel bad.  It's like he's just learned the proper responses and responds accordingly.  His focus is also off again. Normal 4yo behavior or.... I'm so lost in this whole thing and can only get services at school for him and it teaches me nothing! 

by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 11:39 AM
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Replies (1-9):
CollinMommy
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM

My DS is 3 and when he gets into trouble his automatic reply is " I want to be good, I want to be good". Doesn't matter what punishment, time out, stay in your room, whatever we try, he will just continually scream I want to be good. He gets stuck on activities and has a hard time transitioning onto other things. He was recently terminated from the school CARE program he was in because his behavior is soo out of hand. He was officially Diagnosed with ODD, and will find out next month on what scale his Autism diagnosis will fall. It is very challenging!! 

mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:03 PM
How would his services change based on a different diagnosis. I would think his goals would be the same regardless because they should be based on his individual strengths and weaknesses.

I guess I'm not sure what is making you feel bad when he is willingly going to time out. You would rather him kick and scream and cry?? I view discipline as a teaching tool, rather than mainly punishment. I strive to teach them what I expect. So having him seem cooperative when being corrected seems helpful to me. I'd probably take that opportunity to have him "re-do" or "try it again" instead of doing a time out. I usually reserve time outs for when they need to pull them selves together.
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LoveOfWisdom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:13 PM

Because where we are, the local DDD (Division of Developmental Disabilities and who I'd have to go through)  doesn't even return phone calls and does not consider PDD-NOS under ASD so it is VERY hard to get services outside of school for him.  Right now he's only receiving speech.  

Yes it is better than kicking and screaming, however he is not comprehending why he is there and therefore goes back to the same behavior.  We have tried other methods but nothing works.  

Quoting mypbandj:

How would his services change based on a different diagnosis. I would think his goals would be the same regardless because they should be based on his individual strengths and weaknesses.

I guess I'm not sure what is making you feel bad when he is willingly going to time out. You would rather him kick and scream and cry?? I view discipline as a teaching tool, rather than mainly punishment. I strive to teach them what I expect. So having him seem cooperative when being corrected seems helpful to me. I'd probably take that opportunity to have him "re-do" or "try it again" instead of doing a time out. I usually reserve time outs for when they need to pull them selves together.


blessedhappymom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 1:49 PM
Same situation with my DS. The neurologist said he would give him a ppd diagnosis because it was enough to get our foot in the door for free services, but it didn't really apply. Regardless, the fools at the public school had no idea what I was calling about.

In response to the behavior have you tried to model the behavior you want to see? I used to facilitate parenting classes and use a research based curriculum. One thing I remember is that it mentioned ignoring behaviors. Kids want attention regardless if its negative (parents disciplining, upset, etc) or positive. So as a parent we have to decide what behaviors to ignore.

Hope this helps :-)
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LoveOfWisdom
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:10 PM
I do if I feel it's attention getting, but it's when he may hurt himself or one of his siblings, normal activity, just destructive like most kids lol.

Quoting blessedhappymom:

Same situation with my DS. The neurologist said he would give him a ppd diagnosis because it was enough to get our foot in the door for free services, but it didn't really apply. Regardless, the fools at the public school had no idea what I was calling about.



In response to the behavior have you tried to model the behavior you want to see? I used to facilitate parenting classes and use a research based curriculum. One thing I remember is that it mentioned ignoring behaviors. Kids want attention regardless if its negative (parents disciplining, upset, etc) or positive. So as a parent we have to decide what behaviors to ignore.



Hope this helps :-)
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amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:54 PM

Going back to the same behavior can be a symptom of ASD because he's not comprehending the connection between the consequences and the behavior.  My son deals with this issue as well.

Be consistent and talk to him about it and give him reminders of what the consequences will be if he does X behavior.

Quoting LoveOfWisdom:

Because where we are, the local DDD (Division of Developmental Disabilities and who I'd have to go through)  doesn't even return phone calls and does not consider PDD-NOS under ASD so it is VERY hard to get services outside of school for him.  Right now he's only receiving speech.  

Yes it is better than kicking and screaming, however he is not comprehending why he is there and therefore goes back to the same behavior.  We have tried other methods but nothing works.  

Quoting mypbandj:

How would his services change based on a different diagnosis. I would think his goals would be the same regardless because they should be based on his individual strengths and weaknesses.

I guess I'm not sure what is making you feel bad when he is willingly going to time out. You would rather him kick and scream and cry?? I view discipline as a teaching tool, rather than mainly punishment. I strive to teach them what I expect. So having him seem cooperative when being corrected seems helpful to me. I'd probably take that opportunity to have him "re-do" or "try it again" instead of doing a time out. I usually reserve time outs for when they need to pull them selves together.



emarin77
by Silver Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:09 PM

That is the responce I get from my son who's 4 sometimes, "OK." My son has mild Autism. 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Feb. 6, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I think the response is normal. Dd is 4 NT and she says pretty much the same thing. Can you ask for your doctor to give a double dx. My son was dx PDD-NOS/ASD. He didn't show enough signs for a full ASD dx.  But our doctor knew that PDD-NOS would no longer exist this year due to the new ASD criteria. 

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 7, 2013 at 7:38 AM

Hugs mama...I honestly have no idea...my 4 year old is nonverbal.

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