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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Does having a child with autism, make people second guess you or think you are not a good parent?

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Being a Mother of an autistic child, did you ever feel people think you are not a good parent?

In the past always had an issue with a school staff person and an in-law <now ex-in laws>

 Some People with non-autistic children always had an opinion of me, when I know in my situation,,<one child with autsim, one with diabetes, and another one who had a speech delay>i did a great job.

 

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:34 AM
Replies (21-30):
theresa1966
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 9:03 AM

THAT HAPPEN TO ME ONCE AT A GROCERY STORE. I TURNED AROUND AND SAID HE HAS MENTAL ISSUE. HE LOOKED ME. I AM SO SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW. WELL YOU SHOULD ASK OR MAY I HELP YOU. THEN YOU WOULD OF KNOWN....MY CHILD TODAY IS 11YRS OLD GOING TO BE 12YR OLD IN JUNE. THIS HAPPEN WHEN HE WAS ABOUT 5YRS OLD. SO I HAVE A LOT OF UP'S AND DOWN'S WITH MY SON. RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO WATCH MY SON BECAUSE HE IS HITTING ME AND WHEN I TAKE PICTURES OF THE MARKS ON ME. HE DOESNT LIKE IT AT ALL. SCARY THING IS HE ACTS LIKE WHAT A ABUSIVE MAN WOULD SAID ...DONT YOU TELL OR SHOW ANYONE WHAT I DID TO YOU.....

jeri.arellanes
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:28 AM
1 mom liked this
When my son was younger we used to get "the look" from strangers whenever he would have meltdowns or stimmed in public. Now that he's older, 18, and has very few behaviors, most people don't even know he's autistic. I guess people may wonder why he still holds my hand at times, but to be honest, I don't notice or care.
Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 12, 2013 at 12:22 PM

I have felt that way a few times and people have probably thought it. I've had the opposite as well.. people comment to me as to how well I handle everything and I think "really?" I sometimes think I am weaker than how people perceive me. I also get asked a lot about it like I know everything..lol. Oh, and the famous "do you think my son (nephew, sister, neighbors kid..etc) has autism".  I constantly tell people Im a parent not a dr. 



lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 12, 2013 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm with Violet's mom. You can't care what other people think, it is a waste of time. It is hard when your child has a metdown at the grocery or a party but that is life and I know plenty of  good old "regular" kids that have bad days too. I don't buy into that- "my little angel is perfect and never gives me a problem" crap. All kids act up or as Dr. Brazelton says- "It is the children that never act up I worry most about." So you see...our kids are extra healthy!!!!!!  XO

valleymomma1
by Bronze Member on Feb. 12, 2013 at 3:08 PM

If they do have an opinion it does not last  long .

bugsmama149
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:20 PM

It's funny how so many people think that there is some quick magical "cure" for our child's autism. That they should be able to do a little therapy and just be "over it". The problem is, the people who make judgements about our parenting are the ones who haven't bothered to do any research about autism. They make their assumptions based on just what they see and expect us to just be able to "fix" our children. I have this issue with my brother. He thinks my son should be able to control his stimming better. He doesn't get it because he hasn't taken the time to actually educate himself about autism. You just keep doing what you're doing Mama. It's hard I know. You're right, it takes time.


Quoting N.Carter2001:

Well my boyfriend mom thinks I suck cause if we would let her have him he would be talking and potty trained. Yes she knows he has autism.  And my ex mom ya we don't talk any more. She thinks 24/7 therapy work with him and he will be fine.  She got mad when he putting juice in his hair. So she like he getting worse and we not getting him the help he needs. He only did for a week. They don't understand it takes time.



bugsmama149
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't care anymore if people look either. My son is 12 and other people can't really tell he's autistic. I remember a time when I used to very sweetly try to get him to calm his stimming in public. Thank God I got past that a LONG time ago. When he flaps or does some of his noises in public, it doesn't bother me at all. And if people see it I'm just like you, I either don't notice or care.

Quoting jeri.arellanes:

When my son was younger we used to get "the look" from strangers whenever he would have meltdowns or stimmed in public. Now that he's older, 18, and has very few behaviors, most people don't even know he's autistic. I guess people may wonder why he still holds my hand at times, but to be honest, I don't notice or care.



bugsmama149
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:26 PM

That's how my brother has been with my son for years. He swears that my son can control his stimming. And I say to my brother "no he can't, and why the hell should he?" Or when he gets really excited and makes these little noises my brother tells him to stop. It makes me so mad. I tell him he needs to get educated about autism before reprimanding my child for what he thinks is just obnoxious behavior.


Quoting ms.bardes:

People that don't know would just think you have an out of control kid u let run wild or don't dicipline enough because they sre normal in appearance but if they were to pay attention they would know something was a little off.....some people judge before they think...not smart



bugsmama149
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:31 PM


Well said Mama. Nothin worse than bein judged by your own family members. As if our lives aren't stressful enough right?  My MIL said some things to me recently that I'm having a real hard time forgiving. That's where this saying comes in real handy......."until you've walked a mile in my shoes, keep your crappy judgemental shit to yourself". I always remind myself of that, they only know what they see and what they see isn't the whole big picture.

Quoting MomtoLou:

My worse critizier (I know I'm a bad speller) anyway is my own mother. You would think that her being a specialist in aspergers and working with teenage boys with the struggles everyday she would be a supper of my parenting. But nope. I'm not giving them enough therapies, I'm not fighting hard enough for them in school, I'm not telling everyone their diagnosises fast enough, I'm giving into them to much. It makes me want to scream. The looks from outsiders at restaurants and stores and anywhere don't bother me. Yeah I'm being judged, but strangers can kiss my pale white behind. I don't care what they think of me being more odd then my children to save my kids from the odd looks. I don't care if they think my kids having headphones on with an iPod in their pockets just for a grocery store trip is excessive. They can judge all they want, I am going to do what is good for my kids no matter what anyone else thinks is right or wrong.



bugsmama149
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 5:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I think us Mom's tend to feel guilt about a TON of things. We question our abilites as Mom's so much. We just assume that there's more we could be doing for our kids. Maybe you're like me and compare yourself to other Mom's. Like I always assume that every other ASD Mom is doing so much more than I am for their child. I hate comparing myself to other Mom's because I'll always find some way to tear myself down. I'm glad you have people in your life who remind you that you are a good Mom. I do too. It's always good to have that support system around you, reminding you to stop beating yourself up. Take care Mama!


Quoting Iksa:

I have a lot of guilt.....I only have my son with pdd, I never planned on having another baby because of fearing that the next child would have asd.  I have guilt with that also because my son seems to show me signs of having another child.

Sometimes I feel that I would be able to handle it now because I'm older.  I had him when I was 22.  

I think a dog would be better smile mini


My son's teacher and my husband, my parents tell me I'm doing a good job.  I always feel that I can do a better job as a mother



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