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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I'll just stop flapping Mom!

Posted by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:22 PM
  • 29 Replies
12 moms liked this

So I had the "talk" with my 12 yr old son today. He was just diagnosed with ASD a few wks ago. I told him in the simplest terms what autism is. I assured him it's not a disease, it's not something he caught. I explained to him about what his stimming is. And how he has a hard time making close friendships. He was a little upset at 1st. He was afraid that maybe he "looks" different. I assured him he doesn't. I told him he's a wonderful, handsome, smart, funny, awesome kid and that his autism is a part of who he is and that we love the person he is. So he says to me "I'll just stop flapping and making noises, then I won't be autistic anymore". And I said to him "that would make me sad because without your flapping and noises, I wouldn't even know you! Those are the things about you that make you my son."

And while we all wish our children could've avoided this whole autism thing, I know that I love each and every little thing about him. Right down to the flapping, the noises, the odd facial expressions, the clenching of the fists, the jumping, and my personal favorite........the graceful little spin he does when he's walking. To my boy I say "flap till your heart's content Ryan!".

by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kajira
by Emma on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:40 PM
1 mom liked this

that is great. I don't think I could stop flapping even if I wanted too.... LOL

bugsmama149
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Lol, if my son suddenly stopped flapping I'd feel like I were on another planet! It's just a part of our every day lives. :)


Quoting kajira:

that is great. I don't think I could stop flapping even if I wanted too.... LOL



takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 6:50 PM
1 mom liked this

 awe, <3 , so sweet!  Glad he took it well too but I'd definately be telling him the same thing too <3  it's what makes him who he is and special <3

MomtoLou
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:18 PM
2 moms liked this

That just makes me smile. I agree without the odd little quirks my kids have I wouldn't know who they were. I love them differences especially.


on a is note... I'm helping with my sons first grade program. And there is this dang cute little boy who is front and center. The entire time he was sitting there or standing or singing, his hands flapped. Against his legs, flapping his ears, next to his cheeks, on his chin. The teachers just kept telling him to put his hands down. I just smiled thinking what a good job he was doing of standing there in front of everyone. Whenever I see flapping, I smile. Makes those kids just that much more endearing to me. No matter whose child it is.

Lunarprancer
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:21 PM

Ok, you made me tear up.

bugsmama149
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:26 PM
2 moms liked this

Oh I totally understand what you mean! There is a little boy at my son's martial arts school who I'd seen many times. One day I'm sitting there watching the kids and I see the little boy's right arm start flapping, just like my son does. I had never noticed it before. I see him do it all the time now. I too feel more endeared toward him than the others. When I'm sitting in the waiting area and his Dad is there, we're both watching our son's and our boys are the two "flappy" ones. It's like a "secret handshake" between parents isn't it? :)


Quoting MomtoLou:

That just makes me smile. I agree without the odd little quirks my kids have I wouldn't know who they were. I love them differences especially.


on a is note... I'm helping with my sons first grade program. And there is this dang cute little boy who is front and center. The entire time he was sitting there or standing or singing, his hands flapped. Against his legs, flapping his ears, next to his cheeks, on his chin. The teachers just kept telling him to put his hands down. I just smiled thinking what a good job he was doing of standing there in front of everyone. Whenever I see flapping, I smile. Makes those kids just that much more endearing to me. No matter whose child it is.



MomtoLou
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this

It really is. I find myself drawn to kids who flap, who hide, who want to talk about the inner working of an airplane at 3. One of my favorite kids ever was one who could tell me everything about vaccuums at every doctors visit. Most kids got a sucker when they got their shots or finished their appointments, this kid and I took a special trip to the supply closet where he got to dismantle parts of our vaccuum. 

Parents without kids on the spectrum see the flapping as annoying and bothersome or the conversations our kids have as strange and odd. Parents who have kids on the spectrum see these kids as who they are. Flapping, spinning, strange noises, those things just make our kids special and unique. And only other spectrum parents see things that way.

Quoting bugsmama149:

Oh I totally understand what you mean! There is a little boy at my son's martial arts school who I'd seen many times. One day I'm sitting there watching the kids and I see the little boy's right arm start flapping, just like my son does. I had never noticed it before. I see him do it all the time now. I too feel more endeared toward him than the others. When I'm sitting in the waiting area and his Dad is there, we're both watching our son's and our boys are the two "flappy" ones. It's like a "secret handshake" between parents isn't it? :)


Quoting MomtoLou:

That just makes me smile. I agree without the odd little quirks my kids have I wouldn't know who they were. I love them differences especially.


on a is note... I'm helping with my sons first grade program. And there is this dang cute little boy who is front and center. The entire time he was sitting there or standing or singing, his hands flapped. Against his legs, flapping his ears, next to his cheeks, on his chin. The teachers just kept telling him to put his hands down. I just smiled thinking what a good job he was doing of standing there in front of everyone. Whenever I see flapping, I smile. Makes those kids just that much more endearing to me. No matter whose child it is.




MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 7:39 PM
1 mom liked this

thats a very sweet and moving anecdote Mom!

You rock!

you rock

hwifeandmom
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:58 PM
2 moms liked this

What a sweet, mature kid. You've obviously done well with him.

There's a boy in our neighborhood who's blind, but he was on the swim team, participated in a traveling choir group, etc.  We used him as an example that being blind isn't a bad thing but that it might make life a little harder.  Same with autism. 

I like the book "All Cats Have Asperger's Syndrome" by Kathy Hoopmann.  It's a book with photos of cats in various poses, with brief captions identifying some of the different qualities, such as "picky eater" but also things like "being willing to make friends with anyone regardless of age, size, looks."  It just kind of points out that we should appreciate everyone for their own unique characteristics.

I also like this blog post http://momnos.blogspot.com/2010/03/on-being-hair-dryer-kid-in-toaster.html.  It's long but I think it's a good explanation of autism and why it's not a bad thing. 

There's also the Wight & Wong mystery books where the main character who solves the mysteries has autism (Asperger's, I think).  They may be a little young for your son (grades 5-8), but my kids enjoyed seeing autism portrayed in all its honesty but as a positive thing.



Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 11, 2013 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this

You are awesome!

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