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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Self harm, school issues, please read and help??

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 9:39 PM
  • 10 Replies

I have posted a lot, not recently but in my time in this and other groups I have posted about my son. He isn't diagnosed with Autism, because he no longer "fits" in that catagory. But had I had him tested at the ages of 2 to 6 it would have been no doubt. Unfortunately the amount of help he has gotten through his school has made it so he is no longer even able to be labled Autistic....for many people this is a good thing, I get lots of people saying " you should be happy"....here is why I am not happy about it.
NO ONE understands his actions, words, feelings, anything. He can act like a NT child, he can make friends, he can hold a conversation or at least LOOK like he is.

His brain works differently though. He doesn't understand sarcasm, he doesn't understand facial expressions, he doesn't understand feelings, his or others. He cannot show sympathy, he takes everything literally.
The teachers asked him if he felt safe at home, meaning is anyone doing him harm or hurting him...his understanding of that question was are there ways that you can get hurt at home i.e. falling from someplace high, tripping down stairs, things like that. He needs explanations of many things NT people would understand without much explanation.

Well lately he is angry. He gets way angry over things he cannot understand. If a friend is mean, or sarcastic he takes it badly and gets angry. He doesn't understand how to deal with anger, or how to expess any feeling really and it turns into bad behavior.
The last therapist wanted to put him on medication, rather than help find ways for him to learn to express his feelings better or help me find ways, instead she looked online and gave me websites because I wouldn't medicate him.
My feeling was, lets find a way to help him first if that doesn't work then we can talk about meds. She ididnt agree or care to listen to me.

Today I got a call...he had told a teacher he wanted to murder himself. now he doesn't really, he was just angry about a kid who was mean and was only reaacting with anger because he didn't know what else to do. He talks badly about himself, but only in these situations when someone is being mean to him. Again because he has no idea how to deal with or process what is happening.
But I do have to address it. My mom thinks he needs meds, I have to talk to the principle again to find out more about everything and explain to him why my son reacts the way he does.
My son doesn't understand that what he said means people think he wants himself to die, again I have to explain it to him in detail otherwise he doesn't get it. He just thinks its words that he can say to get people to help him. He was upset at me for thinking he wants to die, and said he doesn't want to he just says things.

I need help. What do I do? What do I say? Who has experience in this?

Yes we are getting into a therapist, yes I am very seriously looking into what he is saying and not taking it lightly. I just need some insight from others and maybe advice on what I can do?

 

sorry if this is all over, I am at work and trying to do two things at once. If you need to ask questions I can answer later this evening.

by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 9:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Well there's obviously a problem ... And the most important thing to be done right now is for him to be evaluated by a doctor... Preferably a neurologist and psychiatrist specializing in children.

It's not helping him to NOT be labeled in some way... The school will be less than understanding if they feel he is just a typical child causing problems. It's only going to be in his favor if he has others around him who understand what is wrong and know the right way to help him!

Good luck and let us know how it's going!
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dawncs
by Dawn on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:18 PM

Was he just diagnosed through the school, developmental pediatrician, or psychologist? He might not meet the school qualifications of the Autism category, but he is still Autistic because it never goes away. He would be considered very high functioning or mild on the Autism Spectrum (http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/). He achieved what the government and teachers hope for when it comes to early intervention and Special Education preschool programs, and he is a success story. He just learned to work with his disability better thanks to the Special Education (http://www.wrightslaw.com/) teachers and his therapists. I would recommend to see if he could be labled as Other Health Impaired to still receive therapies at school. I recommend finding another therapist or psychologist for him, and I recommend finding one through Autism Society or Autism Speaks and see if they take your health insurance plan. You might also want to set him up through the school or in the community with a counselor to deal with some of the emotional issues he has now. I joining a local support group available through Easter Seals (http://www.easterseals.org/), Autism Society (http://www.autism-society.org/), and Autism Speaks (http://www.autismspeaks.org/). You can find activities for him to do through Special Olympics (http://www.specialolympics.org/), TheARC (http://www.thearc.org/), and Variety Club (http://www.usvariety.org/).

Dawn
Beautifully Talanted Asperger Syndrome Writer
Diagnosed Asperger Syndrome as an adult
Diagnosed Edema (since young)
Author Page: http://www.toyboxunlimited.com/

VioletsMomTown
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 10:57 PM

He sounds like a smart kid, what would happen if you asked him what to do to help him? Maybe he has some ideas. Maybe he could do something like yoga or meditation. Also, I think if he is still acting in such a non-NT way, he may test as having autism, albeit maybe a milder form than he used to have. If its not autism, then maybe they have another expanation for things, maybe he has something else going on, like depression or adhd?

JSVDP
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:57 PM
He says he doesn't know what he can do. And is not happy about us talking to him about it. He feels we should tell him he shouldn't talk like that and leave it. He doesn't understand why it's a serious thing to others and is feeling crappy and sick and is unwilling to talk about anything. Getting through to him at times like this is an art, have to approach him the right way and finding that way is hard.
Also I realized when he says he wants to hurt himself on purpose, he saw someone with a cast in their leg, he thought it was cool. Also he hurt his foot once was told by the doctor he ha to stay off it and take a day off school. I let him play a game. Now he equates injury with fun at home. Again I have to explain this to the school and hope they understand it.

I am hopeful we can get something worked out and taken care of before it does become serious.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

He sounds like a smart kid, what would happen if you asked him what to do to help him? Maybe he has some ideas. Maybe he could do something like yoga or meditation. Also, I think if he is still acting in such a non-NT way, he may test as having autism, albeit maybe a milder form than he used to have. If its not autism, then maybe they have another expanation for things, maybe he has something else going on, like depression or adhd?


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JSVDP
by on Feb. 12, 2013 at 11:59 PM
They also told me he cannot be autistic or even Aspergers because he can make friends and made eye contact with the "experts". Social skills are apparently the one thing he scored highest on and according to them that showed he wasn't on the spectrum enough to be considered autistic.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

He sounds like a smart kid, what would happen if you asked him what to do to help him? Maybe he has some ideas. Maybe he could do something like yoga or meditation. Also, I think if he is still acting in such a non-NT way, he may test as having autism, albeit maybe a milder form than he used to have. If its not autism, then maybe they have another expanation for things, maybe he has something else going on, like depression or adhd?


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darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 13, 2013 at 4:51 AM

Big hugs mama! These ladies have some good advice! 

MommaHubbard
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 7:06 AM

Maybe you can try to look into a day treatment program for your son. I don't know what kind-of insurance you have. If not, I would take him to the ER at your local childrens hospital. They will have a child psychiatrist that can help you from there. Outpatient visits to a child psychiatrist for a dx can take forever and forever to even get an appt if you can even find one who works with kids. If there are any self-harm behaviors, I would take him to the hospital. That's what I did with my son when I couldn't get him a psychiatrist appt for 3 mos and he was "taking-off" from his after-school care program and even in the public school left the office unauthorized and such-he is 5 yrs old. This was certainly NOT safe. He also would take the school bus seatbelt and smack himself in the face, hit himself, etc. Many self-harm behaviors during meltdowns. He now has medications, a very specific/strict discipline plan in place and 30 hrs a week of therapy (so hopefully, one day I can get him off all these meds he's on right now) after completing a day treatment program and now I have pulled him out-of public school to attend an Autism Therapy Center full-time since now after the day treatment program he has a formal dx of ASD from a child psychiatrist. Public school systems don't want to do ANYTHING for these kids-it's a fight constantly. I just did it privately because their public services won't be as good as a private service anyways and you have to practically threaten them with legal action for them to move a pencil! Good luck!!!

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:20 PM

I have a third grader who was like this last year.  My son is 9, high functioning.  Very high functioining, until sensory overload and delay/sequential processing enter the picture.  AND when a school (like ours) refuses to acknowlodge Autism is a LIFE LONG neurological concern, our kids fall into the Emotionally Impaired category - which means bad kid with bad parents.  

You need to request a meeting NOW...and request a Functional Behaviour Analysis (FBA for short).  Why is he acting up?  That is the question you have to push...not the acting up.  Each behaviour has a CAUSE, and schools dont like to look for it (cuz usually it is THEIR fault.....).  

I was in your shoes.  No one believed me.   Your son is becoming depressed, and is expressing verbally the only way he knows how (mine said "i'm gonna kill you" instead of threat of personal harm).  

Request the FBA and also an IEE (Independent Evaluation at School Expense).  

Hottubgodess
by Jackie on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Mine is the exact same way.  Have them observe him with peers.....not with adults.  That is the issue.  

Some of us look like social butterflies...when in reality we just "blend in". 

Quoting JSVDP:

They also told me he cannot be autistic or even Aspergers because he can make friends and made eye contact with the "experts". Social skills are apparently the one thing he scored highest on and according to them that showed he wasn't on the spectrum enough to be considered autistic.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

He sounds like a smart kid, what would happen if you asked him what to do to help him? Maybe he has some ideas. Maybe he could do something like yoga or meditation. Also, I think if he is still acting in such a non-NT way, he may test as having autism, albeit maybe a milder form than he used to have. If its not autism, then maybe they have another expanation for things, maybe he has something else going on, like depression or adhd?



sadmom2013
by on Feb. 13, 2013 at 12:37 PM
I am new to the Cafe and am so utterly worn out and very sad. I have a 14 year old son who is at a residential center in PA HE has been there 3 1/2 years and he is getting worse instead of better. I am a single Mom with no family support at all I only have a best friend in AZ And my boyfriend. I feel numb and don't think I can do this anymore. My son has multiple disabilities and was also sexually abused at the age of 5.he seems to get it for a few months then he gets 10x's worse again. Please help.
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