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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Super women vs Self Doubt

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:53 PM
  • 10 Replies

From day one I told myself I can do this.. yes I see there are going to be challenges and it is going to be hard, but if I do not then who is going to give this sweet child the love he needs to succeed. My husband and I adopted our little boy, and he has "different needs" then other children. I knew from day one that it was going to be an up hill battle. But I took this fight. My son has globally delays (intellectual delays), ADHD, sensory challenges, feeding challenge, PDD on the spectrum... and it seems like I take two steps forward and five back... It is a constant fight for every single inch of progress we make. And one single event can take it all away. And at times I know I can do this.. and I was meant to be here for him, but days like the last few I just don't know... I feel like such a failure at times like I can't do it. And right now I am doing this alone. My hubby is deployed and this change has rock us to the core. My son has taken it so hard and  to make matters worse all this with PDD and being on the spectrum is just coming out. We have been to so many different testing and genetic testing and nothing.. but with the data gather by all the different therapies they are very concerned. When the melt downs occur its so hard. There are days that go smoothly, I can see them coming and head them off or distract him to something else, but then others it just happens and I stay calm and calm him down... people just don't understand today we were leaving a expo and he had a complete melt down on the floor kicking screaming, fighting, hitting.. and me I am a small girl.. 5'2 105lbs.. my little one is about 45lbs and for his safety I had to pick him up from the floor and carry him to the car, and I can see people just STARING at me.. It is so frustrating... Sorry I got lost and this vent is all over the place... I guess what I am asking how u guys get through the self-doubt...

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by Amy on Feb. 16, 2013 at 5:56 PM

hugs & welcome to the group.

You're doing just fine mama, give yourself some credit for all of the hard work that you've done so far and know that you can keep it up.

If you need help though, it's ok to ask for it.  Ask friends or family members, your son's pediatrician, etc.  Hang in there.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 16, 2013 at 8:28 PM
Welcome to the group, mama! Believe me, we've all been there at one time or another and the feeling is just awful. I promise there will be plenty of successes and much better days ahead.

I know when Dillon has had a rough day , I take it really hard... I think we all do that. We take so much to heart with our kids.

It's got to be so tough doing this alone while your husband is deployed.... And so hard on your son. I hope his time away goes by quickly and you are all reunited soon!
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lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 17, 2013 at 10:27 AM

Anyone can see that you are a good and caring mom. Your son is so luck to have you and the love you feel for him may be the biggest gift of all the gifts you give him. Over time I have learned the places and things that are my sons "triggers" and I do my best to avoid them. Large crowds, over stimulating situations, bright lights...forget it. He is 8 now and I still rarely take him to the grocery store, it is'nt worth it for either of us.

The selt doubt is hard, I always feel like I could have handled something better, would have done it differently the second time. It isn't easy to raise a kid with special needs. Give yourself credit and expect that not every day is going to go well...it can't. When things are falling apart I repeat to myself- this too shall pass. I try to look at my son's "melt downs" as clues to things that are hard for him...it is like detective work sometimes. I can tell by your post that you are doing a great job and right now you are doing it by yourself. Try to find a few moments every day when you can refuel, if you have any back up or support use it! You deserve a break once in a while...you are doing great. You are a good mom and you should be proud of yourself for taking on such a challenge out of love. Your son is a luck boy.    XOXO 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:09 PM

It is especially hard when you get use to that second person there and they leave. I understand completely. My dh is military and leaves quite often for his job. The comings and goings are hard on any child but seem especially hard on our kids with ASD. It's as if they get use to the routine of the other parent or SO being there and then they are gone again. Our kids need routine and that is not easy on military families with moving and deployments. 

Is your child enrolled in EFMP?  If so you could look into respite care. A person will come and give you a break and watch your child. You can do laundry go shopping or take a nap. They just give you mommy time. Also your therapies are paid through tricare including ABA therapy. Wish you best of luck momma. Welcome to the group

mothersthought
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:37 PM

 

Thank you for the encouraging words..... it really helps.

Quoting lucasmadre:

Anyone can see that you are a good and caring mom. Your son is so luck to have you and the love you feel for him may be the biggest gift of all the gifts you give him. Over time I have learned the places and things that are my sons "triggers" and I do my best to avoid them. Large crowds, over stimulating situations, bright lights...forget it. He is 8 now and I still rarely take him to the grocery store, it is'nt worth it for either of us.

The selt doubt is hard, I always feel like I could have handled something better, would have done it differently the second time. It isn't easy to raise a kid with special needs. Give yourself credit and expect that not every day is going to go well...it can't. When things are falling apart I repeat to myself- this too shall pass. I try to look at my son's "melt downs" as clues to things that are hard for him...it is like detective work sometimes. I can tell by your post that you are doing a great job and right now you are doing it by yourself. Try to find a few moments every day when you can refuel, if you have any back up or support use it! You deserve a break once in a while...you are doing great. You are a good mom and you should be proud of yourself for taking on such a challenge out of love. Your son is a luck boy.    XOXO 


 

mothersthought
by on Feb. 17, 2013 at 12:41 PM

 

Thank you. Yes we are in EFMP, and going through the very long process of getting approved for respite care. And with the new diagonsis of PDD we are going back to the doctors for a referral to discuss ABA services. And it is very hard. Its nice to have another military momma.. I try to get all errands run when he is at school so that helps. At times I am just at a lost...

Quoting JTMOM422:

It is especially hard when you get use to that second person there and they leave. I understand completely. My dh is military and leaves quite often for his job. The comings and goings are hard on any child but seem especially hard on our kids with ASD. It's as if they get use to the routine of the other parent or SO being there and then they are gone again. Our kids need routine and that is not easy on military families with moving and deployments. 

Is your child enrolled in EFMP?  If so you could look into respite care. A person will come and give you a break and watch your child. You can do laundry go shopping or take a nap. They just give you mommy time. Also your therapies are paid through tricare including ABA therapy. Wish you best of luck momma. Welcome to the group


 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:55 PM

My ds is in ABA and I love it. He will beginning special pre-k this year we are in the process of evaluations for that. I know the process of all the therapies can be long. We were lucky enough to get all his therapies quickly including ABA. For some reason he was dx when everyone seemed to have openings. Hopefully things speed up for you guys 

Quoting mothersthought:


Thank you. Yes we are in EFMP, and going through the very long process of getting approved for respite care. And with the new diagonsis of PDD we are going back to the doctors for a referral to discuss ABA services. And it is very hard. Its nice to have another military momma.. I try to get all errands run when he is at school so that helps. At times I am just at a lost...

Quoting JTMOM422:

It is especially hard when you get use to that second person there and they leave. I understand completely. My dh is military and leaves quite often for his job. The comings and goings are hard on any child but seem especially hard on our kids with ASD. It's as if they get use to the routine of the other parent or SO being there and then they are gone again. Our kids need routine and that is not easy on military families with moving and deployments. 

Is your child enrolled in EFMP?  If so you could look into respite care. A person will come and give you a break and watch your child. You can do laundry go shopping or take a nap. They just give you mommy time. Also your therapies are paid through tricare including ABA therapy. Wish you best of luck momma. Welcome to the group




lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 18, 2013 at 9:08 AM

I am a single mom so I know the feeling that you are doing this alone. I can honestly say that this site has helped me to feel connected to other women that are going through similar things, we share a common thread that makes us all like sisters. I was never one to reach out and I have found there is no shame in asking for support. We all deserve support and encouragement. You are doing a wonderful thing, taking this boy into your life and giving him everything he needs. I can say the one thing I have done that made a huge shift for me in dealing with my childs learing issues is to accept the unexpected. To be OK with things not going as I planned or wanted them to go or drempt they would be...that was a big step for me in letting go and being in the moment of what is. It made it easier for me to love my son and to love myself. All children turn your life upside down but special kids like our's do it even more. When you are OK with that it helps a lot, it takes the pressure off if you know what I mean. Take time every day to just marvel at the miracle of his little life.  XO

mothersthought
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 10:21 AM

 

Wow I have re read your post three times now, it simpley makes sense. I think this is my biggest downfall I dont ask for help. I just deal and do what i need too and it is slowly eating away at me.. and this is y i came here because my friends just dont understand... and having someone who lives it and breaths it like I do it feels so good to VENT to share my fears. I love my son with every oucne in my body... I really thank u reaching out this past week has made a shift in my thinking and has really helped...

Quoting lucasmadre:

I am a single mom so I know the feeling that you are doing this alone. I can honestly say that this site has helped me to feel connected to other women that are going through similar things, we share a common thread that makes us all like sisters. I was never one to reach out and I have found there is no shame in asking for support. We all deserve support and encouragement. You are doing a wonderful thing, taking this boy into your life and giving him everything he needs. I can say the one thing I have done that made a huge shift for me in dealing with my childs learing issues is to accept the unexpected. To be OK with things not going as I planned or wanted them to go or drempt they would be...that was a big step for me in letting go and being in the moment of what is. It made it easier for me to love my son and to love myself. All children turn your life upside down but special kids like our's do it even more. When you are OK with that it helps a lot, it takes the pressure off if you know what I mean. Take time every day to just marvel at the miracle of his little life.  XO


 

Dora-rulz
by on Feb. 18, 2013 at 11:04 AM
God bless you for adopting a child w/ special needs. These kids need our love just like nt kids (if not more at times). You sound like you are doing everything right and are a wonderful mom. This mom is so right. I cried when I admitted to myself that my daughter would not have the life that I dreamt of. Once I accepted it I found so much was lifted off my shoulders. There is so much support for you out there if you actively look for it. This site is wonderful! I found that only another parent/caregiver of kids on the spectrum can understand what we deal w/ daily. All I can say is enjoy the little accomplishments in your child's life. When I look back a couple years I am amazed at dd's accomplishments. I know how hard it can be (we all do). We are always here, even if you just need to vent.


Quoting mothersthought:

 


Wow I have re read your post three times now, it simpley makes sense. I think this is my biggest downfall I dont ask for help. I just deal and do what i need too and it is slowly eating away at me.. and this is y i came here because my friends just dont understand... and having someone who lives it and breaths it like I do it feels so good to VENT to share my fears. I love my son with every oucne in my body... I really thank u reaching out this past week has made a shift in my thinking and has really helped...


Quoting lucasmadre:


I am a single mom so I know the feeling that you are doing this alone. I can honestly say that this site has helped me to feel connected to other women that are going through similar things, we share a common thread that makes us all like sisters. I was never one to reach out and I have found there is no shame in asking for support. We all deserve support and encouragement. You are doing a wonderful thing, taking this boy into your life and giving him everything he needs. I can say the one thing I have done that made a huge shift for me in dealing with my childs learing issues is to accept the unexpected. To be OK with things not going as I planned or wanted them to go or drempt they would be...that was a big step for me in letting go and being in the moment of what is. It made it easier for me to love my son and to love myself. All children turn your life upside down but special kids like our's do it even more. When you are OK with that it helps a lot, it takes the pressure off if you know what I mean. Take time every day to just marvel at the miracle of his little life.  XO




 


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