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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

denial

Posted by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:18 PM
  • 17 Replies

so as most of you know ive been so wishy washy on how i feel about judes dx, i fought for it for months, and then once he got it, i started doubting it.

so my question is, those of you who have delt with denial, or wondering if you are wrong, how long did it last?

i know hes not quote on quote "normal" but at the same time, how do i accept or truely know that he is autistic, and how do i even have a clue if he is, on how well functioning he is.

does the level of functioning relate specifiaclly to acedimic and cognitive?

if so hes pretty high most milestones are met, and hes very smart.

however behaviorally, responisvely, hes so far gone in some ways i wonder if i'll ever get him to listen and behave appriopriately agian.

hes worse than even the most defiant teenager , and hes not even 3.



by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this
With my oldest child, I would have days where I'd look at him and think...you're perfectly normal. Then other days, I'd look at him and think...why oh why can't you be normal?!?! LOL

He's very high functioning and very smart. He's even qualified for gifted. But he has some social skills deficits. Combine that with his sensory issues and ADHD and just plain little boy immaturity, and he could drive me crazy!

But now at 15, all the stuff he was doing before has settled down. He still has some issues that are challenging but altogether he's matured and is a very honest, kind and gentle young man.

I wonder if you separated the challenges he has away from the "diagnosis" or label if that would help you. Take one challenge you are having and look at all the ways in which you can address it and explore those to see what works best for him.
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VioletsMomTown
by Robyn on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:58 PM
3 moms liked this

I don't know what to tell you, everyone is different. I personally didn't have any denial because I was the one who basically diagnosed my daughter, from things I had read, and through the results of her speech and sensory assessment. We did get a formal diagnosis about 5 months later, and it confirmed what I knew. My husband didn't believe it until I had the formal diagnosis. He still can't really talk about it with me, so he's decided to get comfortable in his denial I think. It doesn't really matter what you call it, the behaviors and issues have to be addressed either way. I don't like putting people into neat little categories, maybe your son will only have a few things to work on, maybe he will learn to cope well enough to lose his diagnosis. The most important thing is just dealing with what is on his plate right now, and do the best you can for him. Who knows what the future will bring anyways. If you don't like the word autism, then call it something else...Parallelogramism? Purple Monkey-Dinosaur Syndrome? I'm going to keep thinking of a new name for it too, I want to make it sound more fun.

Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 16, 2013 at 10:21 PM

It probably sounds awful but I was relieved when he got the dx. His pediatrician didn't believe me and made a comment that my sons delays were pretty much because I was a stay at home mom :/

takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:12 PM

 i will be relieved when I get a dx, no matter what they say as long as someone helps me with the problems we're having with him.  I don't think I or dh will go through denial but I know dh did a few months ago when I first brought it up.. it took him about a month or so to get out of it.  Both of us feel our ds, 2, is normal but he definately has a lot of abnormal behaviors we need help curbing, not necissarly stopping per say but getting under control, etc.. idk, I know where you are coming from though, I think most of us do <3  There are days where Neko seems pretty normal but then others where, like was said above you're like OMG how do I get you to STOP!  or LISTEN??  or not shove, kick, bite and throw everything?  I really enjoy those nice quiet days <3  :D

jb022210
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 1:52 AM


see thats how i was with jude, i thought i would be so relieved when he got the dx, but then directly after he progressed tremendously, and now hes back to being terrible, handflapping is almostn constant. unless hes doing something with his hands hes flapping. and hes constantly screaming and squeeling, hitting, running, being destructive, being definant, just none stop for the past month and each days worse than the last. and its just frustrating, even though we get breaks, as soon as we come back, hes the same, and its so tireing. and i just find myself saying i just wish he was normal, and then i feel bad because im thinking that, and its just ugh ugh ugh! i want to scream. 

Quoting takeitall13:

 i will be relieved when I get a dx, no matter what they say as long as someone helps me with the problems we're having with him.  I don't think I or dh will go through denial but I know dh did a few months ago when I first brought it up.. it took him about a month or so to get out of it.  Both of us feel our ds, 2, is normal but he definately has a lot of abnormal behaviors we need help curbing, not necissarly stopping per say but getting under control, etc.. idk, I know where you are coming from though, I think most of us do <3  There are days where Neko seems pretty normal but then others where, like was said above you're like OMG how do I get you to STOP!  or LISTEN??  or not shove, kick, bite and throw everything?  I really enjoy those nice quiet days <3  :D



MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:17 AM

 


Quoting mypbandj:

With my oldest child, I would have days where I'd look at him and think...you're perfectly normal. Then other days, I'd look at him and think...why oh why can't you be normal?!?! LOL

He's very high functioning and very smart. He's even qualified for gifted. But he has some social skills deficits. Combine that with his sensory issues and ADHD and just plain little boy immaturity, and he could drive me crazy!

But now at 15, all the stuff he was doing before has settled down. He still has some issues that are challenging but altogether he's matured and is a very honest, kind and gentle young man.

I wonder if you separated the challenges he has away from the "diagnosis" or label if that would help you. Take one challenge you are having and look at all the ways in which you can address it and explore those to see what works best for him.

This is probably the one that best fits your shoes! :)

 

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 3:19 AM

 


Quoting jb022210:

 

see thats how i was with jude, i thought i would be so relieved when he got the dx, but then directly after he progressed tremendously, and now hes back to being terrible, handflapping is almostn constant. unless hes doing something with his hands hes flapping. and hes constantly screaming and squeeling, hitting, running, being destructive, being definant, just none stop for the past month and each days worse than the last. and its just frustrating, even though we get breaks, as soon as we come back, hes the same, and its so tireing. and i just find myself saying i just wish he was normal, and then i feel bad because im thinking that, and its just ugh ugh ugh! i want to scream. 

Quoting takeitall13:

 i will be relieved when I get a dx, no matter what they say as long as someone helps me with the problems we're having with him.  I don't think I or dh will go through denial but I know dh did a few months ago when I first brought it up.. it took him about a month or so to get out of it.  Both of us feel our ds, 2, is normal but he definately has a lot of abnormal behaviors we need help curbing, not necissarly stopping per say but getting under control, etc.. idk, I know where you are coming from though, I think most of us do <3  There are days where Neko seems pretty normal but then others where, like was said above you're like OMG how do I get you to STOP!  or LISTEN??  or not shove, kick, bite and throw everything?  I really enjoy those nice quiet days <3  :D

 

 

I hear ya mom. I find myself thinking that a lot these days. Anyways... Has a behaviorist come to your house to help you out? Inquire about that with EI.

 

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 17, 2013 at 7:05 AM

 I definately stress how high functioning Dillon is, but I mostly come right out and say it..I always have. I was the one screaming to our pediatrician that he was autistic and the pediatrician was in denial! It's never been hard for me to say it, but it always hurts inside.

I will say that the more time goes by, it's just second nature. It's part of every second of your life and it becomes all you know. You'll always have the hurt for them just not being normal kids, but at the same time they are always your biggest blessing.

takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:52 AM
1 mom liked this

 couldn't have said that one better <3  Neko is defintely our blessing, no matter how crazy he can make our days I just melt inside every time he smiles or laughs or randomly says something or hugs us <3    We've also been fighting with our ped for the past year too :/  HUGS

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 I definately stress how high functioning Dillon is, but I mostly come right out and say it..I always have. I was the one screaming to our pediatrician that he was autistic and the pediatrician was in denial! It's never been hard for me to say it, but it always hurts inside.

I will say that the more time goes by, it's just second nature. It's part of every second of your life and it becomes all you know. You'll always have the hurt for them just not being normal kids, but at the same time they are always your biggest blessing.

 

takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 17, 2013 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

 do you know whats caused him to regress?  I noticed when we had family out so much in  dec/jan neko started biting things 10x more than normal and getting a LOT more agressive with his sister.. ::HUGS::  don't feel bad about thinking that, i think even with normal kids parents think that too when they're overwhelmed  ::hug::  you're definately not a bad mama <3

Quoting jb022210:

 

see thats how i was with jude, i thought i would be so relieved when he got the dx, but then directly after he progressed tremendously, and now hes back to being terrible, handflapping is almostn constant. unless hes doing something with his hands hes flapping. and hes constantly screaming and squeeling, hitting, running, being destructive, being definant, just none stop for the past month and each days worse than the last. and its just frustrating, even though we get breaks, as soon as we come back, hes the same, and its so tireing. and i just find myself saying i just wish he was normal, and then i feel bad because im thinking that, and its just ugh ugh ugh! i want to scream. 

Quoting takeitall13:

 i will be relieved when I get a dx, no matter what they say as long as someone helps me with the problems we're having with him.  I don't think I or dh will go through denial but I know dh did a few months ago when I first brought it up.. it took him about a month or so to get out of it.  Both of us feel our ds, 2, is normal but he definately has a lot of abnormal behaviors we need help curbing, not necissarly stopping per say but getting under control, etc.. idk, I know where you are coming from though, I think most of us do <3  There are days where Neko seems pretty normal but then others where, like was said above you're like OMG how do I get you to STOP!  or LISTEN??  or not shove, kick, bite and throw everything?  I really enjoy those nice quiet days <3  :D

 

 

 

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