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So angry with ds

Posted by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:57 AM
  • 13 Replies
Ds is 11 and has a preliminary diagnosis of high functioning autism and possibly add. He is having a lot of extra testing both at the clinic and at school. So we are not yet at a point where we have answers, let alone coping mechanisms. Its just been dh and I doing the best we can, trying to help him, keep him focused and happy.

But today, momma is NOT happy. He's made huge messes of his "projects" all over the house, made a big mess in the kitchen, etc, etc. Then, of course, forgot part of his homework. I'm home with his very sick little sister, the house is on the market and my mom is coming to stay with us for the week starting today. In other words, i do not have the time or patience to deal with following an 11 year old around all day making sure he behaves himself. And I just want to scream at him. But, of course, I don't, because then it's a huge melt down and I can't even get him to go to school, which would make it all ten times worse so it's all stuffed inside me and i just want to hit something. I keep trying to tell myself that he cant help it or its not his fault, but sometimes i just get so mad. Can't he just TRY?! A little bit?! Because I am really really tired of trying to do this by myself......
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by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 19, 2013 at 12:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Your only human ... My son is extremely well behaved and Hugh functioning and I still have my days when it gets to be too much. I swear to you I actually get more frustrated with my 16 year old daughter... Her only disability is her attitude and smart mouth lol.

Hugs mama... We all have bad days but I promise better ones are around the corner .
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Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:07 PM

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..

LeahJ
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Yeah. it was my girls in the sahm group that finally gave me the "come to jesus" talk a few months ago about how I had to let go of my issues and get him help. So we are. And when the doctor said "autism" it was both a huge relief (we weren't crazy all this time) and a punch in the gut. Not my baby....but ya know, he was just too unhappy to not help him.

Quoting Charizma77:

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..

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mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:28 PM

hugs

kajira
by Emma on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

You know - that's a lot of change for an autistic kid coming up - So he's probably struggling the best he can.

I would suggest making a chart for him to help get him more organized. I would also help him clean up his messes, if you direct him and kind of guide him each step of the way, he may be able to do better cleaning.

Try not to be so hard on him, while it's lot on your plate, he's dealing with many of the same changes you are, with out the adult maturity to cope with them.

LeahJ
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:51 PM
I do understand all of that. I really do. And we've been working very hard with him to create "habits" for him- daily checklists/reminders to help him stay on track without so much supervision from us, a skill he will have to eventually learn. Middle school has been a huge adjustment, to say the least. Today it just seemed like every time I turned around, another "Quinn issue," ya know? But I didn't yell at him, bit my tongue, and came here to "scream" instead. It has been a lot of changes and adjustments for all of us the past few months and even mommy has her days of wanting to cry. But he was sent off to school with a hug and a reminder for his after school activity, so he's ok.

Eta: I have a huge thing about not sending them off for the day "feeling bad," any of my kids. So they always get hugs and loves, even if I'm upset or frustrated and we deal in depth with the issue after school. Nobody likes to start their day getting yelled at.


Quoting kajira:

You know - that's a lot of change for an autistic kid coming up - So he's probably struggling the best he can.

I would suggest making a chart for him to help get him more organized. I would also help him clean up his messes, if you direct him and kind of guide him each step of the way, he may be able to do better cleaning.

Try not to be so hard on him, while it's lot on your plate, he's dealing with many of the same changes you are, with out the adult maturity to cope with them.

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Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:54 PM

I must have missed it..been crazy busy lately. Forgot how exhausting it was having a toddler. Ashton was 3 when he was dx but I still remember feeling some relief when I realized it wasn't me being a crappy mom and that it wasn't my sons fault either.  Glad you are getting him help. It's never too late. Hugs!


Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. it was my girls in the sahm group that finally gave me the "come to jesus" talk a few months ago about how I had to let go of my issues and get him help. So we are. And when the doctor said "autism" it was both a huge relief (we weren't crazy all this time) and a punch in the gut. Not my baby....but ya know, he was just too unhappy to not help him.

Quoting Charizma77:

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..



LeahJ
by on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:57 PM
Yeah. I'm struggling with a lot of guilt that we didn't do it sooner. But until the past couple of years, we were also all coping with it ok, ya know? We adjusted our parenting to his needs, he was happy. It's just been the tween years and middle school, when "quirky" is no longer "cute" that the anxiety and depression has become a much bigger factor, along with the organizational skills for the increased work load. So now we need the help.

Quoting Charizma77:

I must have missed it..been crazy busy lately. Forgot how exhausting it was having a toddler. Ashton was 3 when he was dx but I still remember feeling some relief when I realized it wasn't me being a crappy mom and that it wasn't my sons fault either.  Glad you are getting him help. It's never too late. Hugs!



Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. it was my girls in the sahm group that finally gave me the "come to jesus" talk a few months ago about how I had to let go of my issues and get him help. So we are. And when the doctor said "autism" it was both a huge relief (we weren't crazy all this time) and a punch in the gut. Not my baby....but ya know, he was just too unhappy to not help him.



Quoting Charizma77:

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..




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Charizma77
by Carissa on Feb. 19, 2013 at 2:01 PM


I'm involved in quite a few groups for parents with kids on the spectrum, in real life and online, and there are a lot of Tweens,, teens and young adults just now getting dx..usually higher functioning/Aspergers. Like I said its never to late. Stop feeling guilty. I've "known" you for over 5 years..you are a great mom! 

Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. I'm struggling with a lot of guilt that we didn't do it sooner. But until the past couple of years, we were also all coping with it ok, ya know? We adjusted our parenting to his needs, he was happy. It's just been the tween years and middle school, when "quirky" is no longer "cute" that the anxiety and depression has become a much bigger factor, along with the organizational skills for the increased work load. So now we need the help.

Quoting Charizma77:

I must have missed it..been crazy busy lately. Forgot how exhausting it was having a toddler. Ashton was 3 when he was dx but I still remember feeling some relief when I realized it wasn't me being a crappy mom and that it wasn't my sons fault either.  Glad you are getting him help. It's never too late. Hugs!



Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. it was my girls in the sahm group that finally gave me the "come to jesus" talk a few months ago about how I had to let go of my issues and get him help. So we are. And when the doctor said "autism" it was both a huge relief (we weren't crazy all this time) and a punch in the gut. Not my baby....but ya know, he was just too unhappy to not help him.



Quoting Charizma77:

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..






kajira
by Emma on Feb. 19, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I wasn't diagnosed until my 27th birthday last year.....

I have classic autism with a score on the ADOS test of 18 out of a possible 20 points total.

7-9 was the cut off for aspergers and PPDNOS on the test I took and 10 for clasic autism... and I score almost a many possible points as you can even get.

Yet, I'm functional, with a family, i'm married with kids. I probably woudln't work a normal 9-5 job, but I don't have too and my life doesn't have to look like everyone elses. I picked a life partner who was okay letting me raise babies and be a supportive role to his work instead of forcing us to have a 2 person working household.


It allows me to thrive and focus on my strengths instead of pushing things that I can't do easily, or would make me non functional by doing the things that break my head.

There's so many ways to have a happy, functional life.... Being autistic doesn't have to prevent that. You just learn to work around it and focus on strengths.

Quoting Charizma77:


I'm involved in quite a few groups for parents with kids on the spectrum, in real life and online, and there are a lot of Tweens,, teens and young adults just now getting dx..usually higher functioning/Aspergers. Like I said its never to late. Stop feeling guilty. I've "known" you for over 5 years..you are a great mom! 

Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. I'm struggling with a lot of guilt that we didn't do it sooner. But until the past couple of years, we were also all coping with it ok, ya know? We adjusted our parenting to his needs, he was happy. It's just been the tween years and middle school, when "quirky" is no longer "cute" that the anxiety and depression has become a much bigger factor, along with the organizational skills for the increased work load. So now we need the help.

Quoting Charizma77:

I must have missed it..been crazy busy lately. Forgot how exhausting it was having a toddler. Ashton was 3 when he was dx but I still remember feeling some relief when I realized it wasn't me being a crappy mom and that it wasn't my sons fault either.  Glad you are getting him help. It's never too late. Hugs!



Quoting LeahJ:

Yeah. it was my girls in the sahm group that finally gave me the "come to jesus" talk a few months ago about how I had to let go of my issues and get him help. So we are. And when the doctor said "autism" it was both a huge relief (we weren't crazy all this time) and a punch in the gut. Not my baby....but ya know, he was just too unhappy to not help him.



Quoting Charizma77:

Leah, I had no idea you were having yur ds evaluated. I can't tell you how many times I get frustrated with Ashton because I know he can do it..his teachers tell me what he does at school and he is not doing it at home.. It's terribly frustrating some days! 

It's good to have someone to vent to..







Living with Autism - The quirky kitty.

Our autistic Family - A Dad's point of view on living with Autism

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