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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Friends vs. not really ur friend

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:32 AM
  • 10 Replies
2 moms liked this

Good Morning Ladies,

How many of you can say you have good friends that accept you and your family and all the challenges that come with going out together???? Honsetly I think I have one person who is anoter army wife that has really proven she is there and LIKES to go out with us and it doesn't bug her when my son has a huge meltdown. She is a great support when I have my "meltdowns" of completed frustrationa and exhaustion wt trying to calm my son down and have a smooth transition. And I have meet others that pretend and talk cra behind your back or live in a square box and cant understand change or different needs. They dont take time to get to know you and your difference as a good thing, all they see r the difference and just cant get pass that. And it is there lost.. I am tired of trying so hard to only get reject... or they "feel sorry".. DONT FEEL SORRY FOR us.... Please we do not need ur pity we need to open your freaking eyes and see the beautiful and the uniqueness we bring. OMG guys my son is such a delight...he has a way to completely melt ur heart and then break ur heart when he is having challenges. Do I trade one for the other... I don't think so.. I know as we work hard and we get pass the "bumps" in the road we can move forward... I have learned so much in the pass 5 years then I have in my life and "life and challenges and being strong and not giving up and taking the good with the bad..."

by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:53 AM

i understand...

mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:57 AM
I feel like I do have friends who accept our family for what it is. But then again, most of them have kids with their own issues so we are usually in the same boat.
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JTMOM422
by Brenda on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:59 AM

I have been an army wife for close to 17 years. 11 years with my first husband and almost 6 with my second. Unfortunately I have found that military life has put people into categories. You are either an officer's wife, a senior nco wife, or a lower enlisted wife. I find that because we have accepted these catergories for so long no one sees the wrong in them. I have found within these groups there are also groups. The ones who look down on others who have children with special needs. I have gone to the park and watched other mothers steer the kids the other way because some child might be different. Or stand together and talk about a parent because the child may be having a meltdown. These are the same moms that smile in your face and say how cute your child is but once you turn your back is gossiping about how horrible a parent you are or how bad your child is. I too have a friend who doesn't mind when my son has meltdowns. I think alot of it had to do when i didn't have kids and she did I wouldn't mind all the running around and yelling her son did. It was like he had ADHD and couldn't be still for a minute. I would always tell her leave him alone and let him run and scream especially if we were at a park. I would never have judged her parenting skills or her son because he was different. Did I think he was active YES but he was always laughing and smiling so he brought that out in others around him. I am just rambling now sorry.

Quoting mothersthought:

Good Morning Ladies,

How many of you can say you have good friends that accept you and your family and all the challenges that come with going out together???? Honsetly I think I have one person who is anoter army wife that has really proven she is there and LIKES to go out with us and it doesn't bug her when my son has a huge meltdown. She is a great support when I have my "meltdowns" of completed frustrationa and exhaustion wt trying to calm my son down and have a smooth transition. And I have meet others that pretend and talk cra behind your back or live in a square box and cant understand change or different needs. They dont take time to get to know you and your difference as a good thing, all they see r the difference and just cant get pass that. And it is there lost.. I am tired of trying so hard to only get reject... or they "feel sorry".. DONT FEEL SORRY FOR us.... Please we do not need ur pity we need to open your freaking eyes and see the beautiful and the uniqueness we bring. OMG guys my son is such a delight...he has a way to completely melt ur heart and then break ur heart when he is having challenges. Do I trade one for the other... I don't think so.. I know as we work hard and we get pass the "bumps" in the road we can move forward... I have learned so much in the pass 5 years then I have in my life and "life and challenges and being strong and not giving up and taking the good with the bad..."

 

princess_1983
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:16 AM

My best friend lives 3 hours away from me. We don't see each other a lot but we talk everyday. She is a good support system for me. I know people but don't hang out with them so I don't have any real friends. I only no one of person that has a kid with Autism. Her son is in my son's class but we're not friends.

takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 this is for me too.. I'm originally from MI and have 2 friends  I talk to every day, or most days and of course my CM mamas, but other than that I'm pretty alone.. My friend that I use to hang out with moved over a year ago now and my other friend who I see every 1-3m's is moving next month!  :(  Luckily Neko is pretty well behaved when we go over Courts house BUT she said she has even seen some of our concerns with him too, luckily she is supportive BUT we hardly ever see eachother or talk :((((

Quoting princess_1983:

My best friend lives 3 hours away from me. We don't see each other a lot but we talk everyday. She is a good support system for me. I know people but don't hang out with them so I don't have any real friends. I only no one of person that has a kid with Autism. Her son is in my son's class but we're not friends.

 

lucasmadre
by Kari on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:53 PM
1 mom liked this

I truly believe that you never know who your friends are in this life until the going gets hard. The people who stick around when things are tough are rare. Sometime it is someone you barely know that reaches out when you need a hand. One of the things I love about this site is that almost everyone on here seems to be authentically caring and supportive. It has made a big difference in my life and helped me to feel understood and supported. If you have one friend that "gets it" then I think you are lucky. Adversity does change who you are and your perpective on what is important in life, as you get older more people understand that I think because more people have experienced difficuties.  XO

joel2010
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 12:17 AM

we have learn with in a circle of people who are our friends that our son can just be and we do not have to worry about and others we can not stay long around becuase how he can get sometimes. so we wacth for his clues.  most do okay with it now in the beiging i would try and get way with him when all happen now we just let it go and wacth him be safe with his meltdown.  we have some that understand and have also spent more time with us to know what we do and have laern to just let him go and be.  we have problems with are family at times with it all they think we are the problem i do not know.  so i understand

N.Carter2001
by Bronze Member on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:58 AM

I have 2 really good friends. The 1 is around us maybe everyday.we live in same apartment building. She loves playing with our 2 boys. My other friend. She comes around when she wants. It cause she has bi polar. She don't mind my kids but only for an hour or 2. But she mostly there for me. So text everyday each other. If we go out most the time my boyfriend just keeps the kids so I can get away. I miss my best friend cause we been in from preschool to age 31. She don't want to listen if my day is bad. She tells me to deal with it. Then she gets moody about her 10 year old being normal and getting in trouble for talking to much in school. My boyfriend don't like her. He knows I get upset with her. And a few times she has came for. Visit she trying to pick up men because she that way. My boyfriend thinks she needs more clothes. And she married and she dating other men. We don't talk much anymore.  

unusualmom
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 7:55 PM

I have a great friend who has 2 autistic daughters. We support one another whole heartedly...go through life and autism challenges together.  She is my wonderful support.

 I have another friend that is 100% supportive and she loves  my kids but when it comes to advice she just doesnt 'get' that I cant just 'talk' my kids out of a situation.  But I love her dearly.  We just talk about other stuff...not my kids.

Kimmiky
by on Feb. 27, 2013 at 9:24 AM
I thought that I had a friend who could stand my son's meltdowns. . . But I just found out that she went behind my back and told my SIL all this crape about how horrible my son was when we were over there, amongst other things. So now I realize that I have noons and it's super frustrating cause all I hear from family is well can't you just try this and you should do this it worked tod Mt kid and blab blab blab. I'm like the only person that thinks I'm even doing an ok job with this whole mothering business!!!!
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