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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

my son is taking things that belong to his siblings

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:49 AM
  • 10 Replies
My son is 12 years old and has always had a habit of taking things that belong to his siblings. Usually it's small things like hiding his sister's flip flops or taking a small toy and hoarding it under his pillow. Recently it's progressed to bigger things like his brother's cell phone and pocket knife. When he took the pocket knife he actually got in trouble because he took it to school! I have talked to him, grounded him, had him write sentences and made him apologize to his siblings but nothing seems to work. Is this normal for kids with Aspergers? Any suggestions on how to handle this? He is facing criminal charges because of taking the knife to school...he didn't threaten anyone he just showed it to people and when the teacher asked him about it he happily showed it to her. I'm say my wits end...
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by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mypbandj
by Jen on Feb. 25, 2013 at 9:59 AM
Does he have a therapist that you have told about this?
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takeitall13
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 1:49 PM

 i don't have experience with this, my 2 year old does take his 1 year old sisters stuff but i think thats just being 2.... who knows...  i'd definately talk to his therapist about it if he was one hes working with... I hope some of the other ladies can help you out!  HUGS

emarin77
by Silver Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:00 PM

Yeah, my 4 year old has taken my stuff too.  I just hide the stuff now. 

mommy4lyf
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:14 PM

My son, did that when he was little. Car keys and wallets are his thing. But, he was 2-3 years old then. Instead of facing criminal charges, that is the perfect time to teach him what is not allowed in school. Obviously, he's innocent and doesn't know why everybody is making a fuss about bringing a knife in school. These children are different! in every rule there is an exemption.

kajira
by Emma on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:32 PM

unless he's totally mentally handicapped, he's old enough to know better.

I'm sorry, he deserves to be punished for taking a knife to school. He's not above the law. Teaching him while he's young enough to learn something from it and not have it be more serious like years in prison instead of a slap on the wrist is better now.

As an autistic adult, I can tell you that my being autistic is not an excuse to let me break rules or laws. I'm still held accountable for stupid decisions I make.

He's 12. He's old enough to know that he can't take a knife to school.

When you steal constantly like he's doing at his age, even if it belongs to his siblings, he needs some help for that - he obviously has some impulse control issues, and stealing is a big deal, even if it's from your siblings.

Stealing is not okay either.


To the OP : 

I'm very sorry you are going through this with your child. I would highly recommend that you get him evaluated for kleptomania - at the very least, they may have some behavioral therapy suggestions to help reduce his stealing and impulsiveness behaviors.  Stealing from anyone is wrong, whether it's a neighbor, or a sibling. And at 12 - the consquences need to be pretty severe unless he's mentally handicapped and really just doesn't "know better" - and in that case, then he needs to have more supervision.

Quoting mommy4lyf:

My son, did that when he was little. Car keys and wallets are his thing. But, he was 2-3 years old then. Instead of facing criminal charges, that is the perfect time to teach him what is not allowed in school. Obviously, he's innocent and doesn't know why everybody is making a fuss about bringing a knife in school. These children are different! in every rule there is an exemption.


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TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Feb. 25, 2013 at 2:40 PM
1 mom liked this
I know that my son is almost 12 and I know he has never done such a thing so it's hard for me to give any good advice. His disability has GOTTEN to be taken into account! I don't know how disabled your son is but he needs to talk to a therapist and get to the bottom of this before he's an adult! Hugs mama... This has to be so hard .
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mommy4lyf
by on Feb. 25, 2013 at 4:37 PM

I can only speak for my son. We have a list of NO-NOs in his room. We showed them that there are consequences in every action. When we went to my husband's work and the apartment building across the street was on fire, I took advantage of that and showed him that's what happens when the fire got out of control (or if he plays with fire). When I cut my finger while peeling vegetable, I told him that what happens when mommy is not careful and he shouldn't be playing with it. We have a long list and we just don't display it. We gave him constant reminder.

We didn't teach him overnight... I am not  going to judge the mother of that child who brought that knife to school. Not all autistic children are the same. 

elkmomma
by Member on Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:40 PM

Yup Mine is an Asppie too.  Mine "finds" things all the time, yes I know better.  It seems to kind of come with the territory, not that they all do it. Most likely yours was just trying to make friends or look cool.  Does he have a hard time making friends or is he getting picked on / bullied / ignored by other kids?  I will assume he doesn't quiteget social ques or consequences prior to making a choice.  DS is still working on those and he's 12 too.   No he doesn't get a free pass just because of the Asspie's either,some times a hard lesson is a lesson well learned.  However, I doubt the justice system is going to toss him in a cage and expect him to learn anything.  Talk to therapists and his Ped, get some statements from them about his diagnosis and suggestions on what would be best for him.  Write out a plan of action detailing what will happen if he breaks a rule, what he can do if he starts feeling like he's gonna take some thing, and what you as the parent will do to help him prevent future bad judgment or behavior choices.  I've been down a similar path; so no, it's not just you or just your kid.

angelphi
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:43 AM
I know that he is old enough to know better and that he deserves to be punished. I'm not fighting the fact that gee it's facing criminal charges. I was just wondering if this is something others have dealt with. We just moved to a new county and he isn't set up with counseling


Quoting kajira:

unless he's totally mentally handicapped, he's old enough to know better.

I'm sorry, he deserves to be punished for taking a knife to school. He's not above the law. Teaching him while he's young enough to learn something from it and not have it be more serious like years in prison instead of a slap on the wrist is better now.

As an autistic adult, I can tell you that my being autistic is not an excuse to let me break rules or laws. I'm still held accountable for stupid decisions I make.

He's 12. He's old enough to know that he can't take a knife to school.

When you steal constantly like he's doing at his age, even if it belongs to his siblings, he needs some help for that - he obviously has some impulse control issues, and stealing is a big deal, even if it's from your siblings.

Stealing is not okay either.


To the OP : 

I'm very sorry you are going through this with your child. I would highly recommend that you get him evaluated for kleptomania - at the very least, they may have some behavioral therapy suggestions to help reduce his stealing and impulsiveness behaviors.  Stealing from anyone is wrong, whether it's a neighbor, or a sibling. And at 12 - the consquences need to be pretty severe unless he's mentally handicapped and really just doesn't "know better" - and in that case, then he needs to have more supervision.

Quoting mommy4lyf:

My son, did that when he was little. Car keys and wallets are his thing. But, he was 2-3 years old then. Instead of facing criminal charges, that is the perfect time to teach him what is not allowed in school. Obviously, he's innocent and doesn't know why everybody is making a fuss about bringing a knife in school. These children are different! in every rule there is an exemption.



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angelphi
by on Feb. 26, 2013 at 8:50 AM
We just moved to a new school so no he wasn't getting bullied yet. He did mention he was afraid of it because he was being bullied at his previous school. Also when his brother attended this school a few years ago he was bullied and my younger son is aware of this because of discussions we had about moving back to this county. He was oblivious to the fact that taking this knife to school was wrong. When the teacher asked him about it he happily handed it to her. I don't want him to get out of these charges but i would like his diagnosis to be considered when making judgment.


Quoting elkmomma:

Yup Mine is an Asppie too.  Mine "finds" things all the time, yes I know better.  It seems to kind of come with the territory, not that they all do it. Most likely yours was just trying to make friends or look cool.  Does he have a hard time making friends or is he getting picked on / bullied / ignored by other kids?  I will assume he doesn't quiteget social ques or consequences prior to making a choice.  DS is still working on those and he's 12 too.   No he doesn't get a free pass just because of the Asspie's either,some times a hard lesson is a lesson well learned.  However, I doubt the justice system is going to toss him in a cage and expect him to learn anything.  Talk to therapists and his Ped, get some statements from them about his diagnosis and suggestions on what would be best for him.  Write out a plan of action detailing what will happen if he breaks a rule, what he can do if he starts feeling like he's gonna take some thing, and what you as the parent will do to help him prevent future bad judgment or behavior choices.  I've been down a similar path; so no, it's not just you or just your kid.


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