Exciting and Heartbreaking all at the same time- (kind of got off subject my guess I needed too...
(please dont judge...)
Tears of joy and heartbreaking tears all mix up into one evaluation update for speech.... My son did so well in his speech evaluation and improved a 1 1/2 year of skills in 6 months... but also heartbreaking because reality hit me when the threapist tells me so he is about at a 2yr 7month comprehension of langauge skills... That was like a stabbing knife into my heart...yes I see he improved a 1 1/2 in 6 months in skills but my son is 7yrs... I am so excited for the gain of skills and all this process he is making, but also its heartbreaking too... It is a consistent battle and a hard battle... Iam so mixed with emotions right now.. and I feel all by myself.. noone to turn too..
My husband is deployed and is still having a really HARD time wt our son's disabilities. He always thought he would out grow it..and then when he went with me to a doctor's appointment and sad that he was congitively disability (Doctors has added PDD, and ADHD). he just flat refuses to go to any appointments.. and it is really hard.. He told me when he left he did not want to hear about any problems or anything that can stress him out.. and I am trying but grr sorry totally different subject.. My husband is in denial and he doesn't know about the PDD dx.. and I am worried... and he needs to stay alive.. (he has LOTS of responsiblities) But also needs to know.. it is a no win situation... and the sad part is he is breaking my heart and I am being strong because I know he loves us and he is doing what is EASY for him to make it through this deployment..but me it is taking everything out of me...
I hear my sons teacher "u r a great mom, you are doing so well with him, u r an awesome parent' and his speech therapist say " I think you are amazing, u r really good with him"... but OMG I dont feel like that.. I want support I want to turn and have someone there who is fighting with me not making me fight for the both of us... I'm married my son has a dad.. but at times I feel he choose what he wants to be involved with.. maybe it is his way of dealing wt all this.. ANd yes we talked (me and my husband) about this.. we had a really indepth conversation and he is trying before he left...but know i just dont know.. I dont know what he is going through there and he doesnt see what I am doing here. GRR sorry just venting.....
I was telling him about our EI appointment today (I posted about it) and his reaction was, why are you talking with the lady about that?? He's just a baby! And that stuff he does is just because he's a baby.
I've also heard him say that I want our ds to have problems. Well, I have no ability to force EI to qualify him for services. I know plenty of kiddos who need EI and who are not able to qualify. Obviously, they saw something too. It's not just me.
Maybe with your dh, try to focus on everything your ds can do. If he doesn't like the labels, then don't talk about them. Talk about your sons goals...that will be easier to hear. Labels seem so permanent. I can understand why it stresses him out. He's afraid.
I think if you can reframe the conversation to focus the positive and what goals are in play, then he might be able to deal with it easier. (We are trying to get ds to say his name, we want ds to count to ten, etc). Then, guess what, ds said his name today!!
This way, you're all focused on his progress!!
Hugs. You can always come here to vent and share.
Hugs! You need to tell your dh how you are feeling (and educate him) the more support your son gets the better.. Hang in there, you are doing the best you can..but you need to make sure you are taking care of yourself too.
Yes, focus I hear u.. we do focus on the abilities and not the "disabilities" all kids have needs mine kid just has different needs... Thank u...
Quoting mypbandj:
Dad have a really hard time with this. Especially when it comes to their sons. My dh is the same way.
I was telling him about our EI appointment today (I posted about it) and his reaction was, why are you talking with the lady about that?? He's just a baby! And that stuff he does is just because he's a baby.
I've also heard him say that I want our ds to have problems. Well, I have no ability to force EI to qualify him for services. I know plenty of kiddos who need EI and who are not able to qualify. Obviously, they saw something too. It's not just me.
Maybe with your dh, try to focus on everything your ds can do. If he doesn't like the labels, then don't talk about them. Talk about your sons goals...that will be easier to hear. Labels seem so permanent. I can understand why it stresses him out. He's afraid.
I think if you can reframe the conversation to focus the positive and what goals are in play, then he might be able to deal with it easier. (We are trying to get ds to say his name, we want ds to count to ten, etc). Then, guess what, ds said his name today!!
This way, you're all focused on his progress!!
Hugs. You can always come here to vent and share.
Don't let the flip side of your sons development get you down. Stay focused on the positive!! He is making progress and will continue to make great progress and its those moments of progress that keep us going.
I have so been there with the "oh your kid is doing so great, has progressed so much, BAM still below the 6th percentile for his age" dagger in the heart. It's so easy to be happy when my kiddo is doing great and making gains and then it's just a cold slap of reality when the testing shows how "great" he's doing in comparison to himself 6 months ago (WOOHOO) aaaaaaand then to other kids (BOOHOO).
It's hardest when moms or other kids at the playground ask how old he is and then look worried or taken aback by the answer compared to what they thought. Makes me want to scream look lady, you have no CLUE how hard it has been to get him to this high a point of functioning and verbal level. You go home and you kiss your lucky star and your NT kid who learned all his words just by watching TV and listening to your endless phone conversations (really? you're at the playground and on the phone for AN HOUR? maybe try interacting with your kid who has been talking MY ear off this whole time eh?) because if you had MY kid he'd be SO SCREWED b/c you have NO IDEA how to encourage a skill 10,000% every single day and get rewarded with failing percentiles.
I feel you..or they ask "whats wrong with him".. He still not potty trained...GRR... Let me tell u he is on track for his congitive development to understand the progress..so dont FREAKING judge me...like u said I don't think they will ever understand unless they r in our shoes.. even the therapist and drs and whoever else works wt r kids "just because they r professionals they have no idea...when they say try this..or that or you should be doing this... OMG it is so frustrating... They can't fullly get the scope of the challenges unless they live and breath it..
Quoting KatyTylersMom:
I have so been there with the "oh your kid is doing so great, has progressed so much, BAM still below the 6th percentile for his age" dagger in the heart. It's so easy to be happy when my kiddo is doing great and making gains and then it's just a cold slap of reality when the testing shows how "great" he's doing in comparison to himself 6 months ago (WOOHOO) aaaaaaand then to other kids (BOOHOO).
It's hardest when moms or other kids at the playground ask how old he is and then look worried or taken aback by the answer compared to what they thought. Makes me want to scream look lady, you have no CLUE how hard it has been to get him to this high a point of functioning and verbal level. You go home and you kiss your lucky star and your NT kid who learned all his words just by watching TV and listening to your endless phone conversations (really? you're at the playground and on the phone for AN HOUR? maybe try interacting with your kid who has been talking MY ear off this whole time eh?) because if you had MY kid he'd be SO SCREWED b/c you have NO IDEA how to encourage a skill 10,000% every single day and get rewarded with failing percentiles.
I think for your husband he is grieving. The son he thought would be isn't going to be. I know that my husband rarely asks how my sons therapies go. I know it's not because he doesn't care. He is just scared. I am the one who does the appts. I am the one who does the therapies. My husband will take time off to go if I feel it's an important appt. Give your husband time. I think we as mom handle it better. HUGS
My husband is the same way, he glazes over as soon as I talk about therapy or any of that. I do it all on my own, and he is home, he just can't handle it. I gave up long ago on him going through the hard stuff with me. You child is lucky to have you at least. I'm not saying my huband doesn't love our daughter, but he's not capable of being the rock I need. He's still a loving dad, and that's important too.
Quoting VioletsMomTown:My husband is the same way, he glazes over as soon as I talk about therapy or any of that. I do it all on my own, and he is home, he just can't handle it. I gave up long ago on him going through the hard stuff with me. You child is lucky to have you at least. I'm not saying my huband doesn't love our daughter, but he's not capable of being the rock I need. He's still a loving dad, and that's important too.
What made you smile today?
- mothersthought
on Mar. 4, 2013 at 7:25 PM