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I am losing my patience...Help

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:19 PM
  • 20 Replies

My son has started this new thing. Pinching. He pinches for many reasons. He is mad. He is told no. He isn't getting something he wants... or not getting it fast enough. He just does it for no apparent reason as well.


I can't take this pinching anymore.

Nothing I've tried works. I've tried:

distracting him

telling him "owie That hurts", "we don't pinch people it's not nice"

Pinching him back

Giving him a time out

Taking toys doesn't really do anything for him because he will cry about it for a few seconds and then go on like nothing happened and forget about the toy. 

I've tried redirecting him.

holding on to his wrists so that he can't pinch me, but allowing him to do anything else.

I don't know what to do.

I'm looking for advice, suggestions: ways to get him to stop.

I'm looking for advice, suggestions: ways to help me keep cool. (it's one of those things that I lose it really quickly over) I've had to tell my husband to take him upstairs for a nap time or for bedtime because I can't take it anymore. I won't hurt him I'm not afraid of that. I just don't like myself very much and tend to snap way to easily when I lose it. He doesn't need me making him more upset. 

I really hate having to hand him over to someone else. It makes me feel like I failed my son.

Please don't bash me. Constructive critism is fine. 



wedding countdown

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Basherte
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:19 PM

BUMP!

Basherte
by Silver Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:19 PM

BUMP!

Kellbel08
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:47 PM

I wish i knew how to help. Ari used to pinch me (when she was 3) and man i know that hurts. Those little fingers and nails.. ughh.. The way i got her to stop was by showing her that it doesn't bother me. She would do it to get a reaction so once i stopped reacting to it (basically ignoring it) she stopped. I know every child is different though.  Here's a BUMP for you. hugs

VioletsMomTown
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:21 PM

This is a really long video, I just found it tonight but its really appropriate to help you with this.

kajira
by Emma on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:28 PM

my NT toddler pinches. It's a phase some kids go through. It's obnoxious, but remember, it will pass eventually, just keep redirecting, tell him it makes you sad and then get up and walk away. When my daughter would pinch me, I just get up and walk away from her and tell her I won't do anything with her if she hurts me.

She now pinches, and then wants to kiss it better,... but she's slowly getting that she can't pinch or hit when she's frustrated. I've been working on helping her find ways to communicate more effectively to tell me what she's upset about it so I can help her express it better, or find a better solution.

It's really normal for a 2 year old though to go through a phase like this, so with a developemntally delayed child, they may go through it longer, or later age-wise.

hjb2012
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 9:36 PM
Maybe try giving him a pillow or stuffed toy that he is able to get it out of his system with. What worked for us was giving him a squishy pillow whenever we thought his anger was coming. We told him we knew he was mad/ frustrated but his actions hurt us and it wasn't ok. If it happens certain times of the day more try to catch it before it starts and give him a fine motor toy ??
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Sheriff6
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:13 PM
Ok this is going to be really hard but you have to stop reacting at all. He is getting a reaction from you and that is what he wants. Try to head off by paying attention to what sets him off and the get away where hopefully you will be out of pinch territory. Lower your energy to zero and if he gets mad and screams at the same time explain in a very quiet voice that you don't understand when he acts this way so you don't know how to help him.

Stick with this and I am certain it will get better.

Hugs Kathy
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Basherte
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

Thank you. I've watched most of it. I will watch the rest of it when my son goes up for a nap. This is very informative. I appreciate it very much.


Quoting VioletsMomTown:

This is a really long video, I just found it tonight but its really appropriate to help you with this.



wedding countdown

Basherte
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:35 AM

I do think that some of it stems from the fact that he is non verbal. Which makes it a bit more difficult for him to get across what he wants/needs, and a bit more difficult for me to understand what he wants/needs. 

It isn't always when he's frustrated or angry though. It sometimes comes out of no where. He isn't visibly upset or trying to get my attention or anything like that. He will at times just walk up to me or his daddy and just pinch us. No reason behind it at all. 

It hasn't happened today at all yet, but I've only been up for an hour. I got to sleep in today.

Quoting kajira:

my NT toddler pinches. It's a phase some kids go through. It's obnoxious, but remember, it will pass eventually, just keep redirecting, tell him it makes you sad and then get up and walk away. When my daughter would pinch me, I just get up and walk away from her and tell her I won't do anything with her if she hurts me.

She now pinches, and then wants to kiss it better,... but she's slowly getting that she can't pinch or hit when she's frustrated. I've been working on helping her find ways to communicate more effectively to tell me what she's upset about it so I can help her express it better, or find a better solution.

It's really normal for a 2 year old though to go through a phase like this, so with a developemntally delayed child, they may go through it longer, or later age-wise.



wedding countdown

Basherte
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I haven't tried that with this issue, but it hasn't worked with any other behavior that I have tried it with. When he was hitting, all it seemed to do was encourage him to do it more.  

Unfortunately, it's at all times of the day. There really is no specific time of the day that it happens more often than any other time. 


Quoting hjb2012:

Maybe try giving him a pillow or stuffed toy that he is able to get it out of his system with. What worked for us was giving him a squishy pillow whenever we thought his anger was coming. We told him we knew he was mad/ frustrated but his actions hurt us and it wasn't ok. If it happens certain times of the day more try to catch it before it starts and give him a fine motor toy ??



wedding countdown

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