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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

My heart is breaking

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:38 AM
  • 24 Replies

Tonight was my 9 year old daughters open house at school. She was so excited that both my family and my ex husbands family were all going to be there. In total 12 of us were there just for her. After a few minutes of Rachel showing us around her class room I heard 2 of her classmates talking about artwork on the wall with their parents. Then they pointed at another picture and said thats Rachels art she is annoying and crazy. A momment later they moved on to another project that had photos of the kids and they once again poined and said isn't Rachels picture dumb she looks like she is high or on drugs. Not 5 seconds late 3 more boys started making comments about her. At this point Im struggling not to cry and my brother has taken Rachel out of the room to another class to try to keep her from hearing it. My mom and my boyfriend said they heard everything and had been on the other side of the room and so had Rachel's other grandma. I told the teacher what was going on and that since everyone in this class was special needs why were they picking on her and saying such hurtful things. Her reponse was "oh i will talk to them but you know since she is the only girl in the class its hard to keep her from being picked on". I don't know what to do right now. there are 19 kids in this special ed class and Rachel is the  girl. With her Autism she doesnt always know people are being mean to her. And most of the other kids are in the class with add and adhd problems and don't know what Autism is. Anyone have any advice that will help?

by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
VintageWife
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:40 AM
2 moms liked this

You need to take it to the principal. The teacher is clearly not doing her job.

MamaPrime
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:54 AM

Take it higher up- even to the parents! "You let your child make such harsh statements? I wonder where they learned that from"!

blessedhappymom
by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 12:56 AM
Totally agree. You have to go in with moxy and not let the teacher or principal try to push you around. You need to let them know you are a parent that is not going away.

I've been there too. My son plays basketball for a program with all special needs kids. Some kid on the other team tricked him into passin him the ball. My son doesn't understand trickery and bratty kids. So when my son gave him the ball the kid goes on to laugh out loud about how he tricked my son and how dumb was my son to give him the ball. The coach addresse the kid, but I was ready to beat up that punk and his mom! It was the finale of the season so they had an awards ceremony and pizza party afterwards. Ironically, that kid cried and pouted through the whole thing and my son couldn't have enjoyed himself more.

There are ugly and cruel people in this world. We just reinforce to our children how awesome they are!


Quoting VintageWife:

You need to take it to the principal. The teacher is clearly not doing her job.


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KatyTylersMom
by Silver Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 1:30 AM

1) write it in a letter to the teacher and cc princicple and anyone else you think might get things done at the school.  Write exactly what you heard the boys say and the teacher's response. 

2) ask to be able to go to class and do a "this is autism" presentation for the class.  Educate them about autism and the difficulties and strengths. 

3) if your daughter notices the nastiness then you can involve the school counselor to help her deal with the boys, maybe have THEM talking to the counselor to figure out what their issues are, if she doesn't then leave it at the administrative level and continue to ask for updates from the teacher on a weekly basis.  You can also always do the sneaky recording device in the backpack to check up.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Mar. 22, 2013 at 6:56 AM

Well said mama!

Quoting KatyTylersMom:

1) write it in a letter to the teacher and cc princicple and anyone else you think might get things done at the school.  Write exactly what you heard the boys say and the teacher's response. 

2) ask to be able to go to class and do a "this is autism" presentation for the class.  Educate them about autism and the difficulties and strengths. 

3) if your daughter notices the nastiness then you can involve the school counselor to help her deal with the boys, maybe have THEM talking to the counselor to figure out what their issues are, if she doesn't then leave it at the administrative level and continue to ask for updates from the teacher on a weekly basis.  You can also always do the sneaky recording device in the backpack to check up.


Koltie6
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2013 at 8:45 AM
I could not tolerate it. We homeschool our children. We choose to only be around happy positive loving people.
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dawncs
by Dawn on Mar. 22, 2013 at 9:17 AM

You should talk to the principal about it. You need to spend some time in the classroom and educate them about Rachel and her disability. I also recommend at the beginning of the school year that you educate the class about her for the rest of elementary school. Educate them about how everyone is different in some manner, and one day that they could be viewed as an outsider. Also mention that Rachel's disability tends to make her diferent than the others. It has worked for others in the past.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

renniejo
by on Mar. 23, 2013 at 1:38 AM

The main problem is this is Rachel's first time at this school. She has had an IEP since she was 3 and this district has ignored everything I say. She was placed at this school because their program works toward Rachel being able to adjust to change and being able to make her own choice later in life. Overall we have seen a huge improvement in her since she started there in September. the program also means they want less parent involvement which is hard for me since I was room mom at Rachel's last school for 3 years in a row. Rachel has even asked me to help out more at her school but their policy wont let me. Also my ex husband thinks this school is just great and since we have joint legal I have to get him to see what would be best for Rachel. Rachel's medical team is trying to help me and is having Easterseals go to the school and observe Rachel and the teachers to see if there is anything they could do to help us. I have emailed her principal and have asked for a meeting next week to discuss all of what we heard and our concerns. Thank you everyone for your advice.

johnns
by Johnna on Mar. 23, 2013 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this
Ahhhh....how disappointing for you! I was a Cub Scout den leader for years, and I have a way of calling out little turds like that- in front of their parents! Nothing worse than RUDE kids! I wouldn't of been able to control my mouth, probably would of said something like, " that's my little girl and that wasn't very nice", and then the parents would have been apologizing all over the place, plus they would have been embarrassed. I mean, I guess you could write letters up the ladder. Next time, if you hear something being said right in front of you, call them on it, most people aren't used to that. Nips it in the bud right then and there. Everybody is so scared these days, going to say the wrong thing, teacher was too scared to bring it up. Best to deal with those issues on the spot.
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dawncs
by Dawn on Mar. 23, 2013 at 8:24 AM

 I agree it is rude kids. However, there will be a time when they will be the outsider or outcast at school. They could be bullied for real at school because they are different. You might want to approach it this way with them. There is a good curriculum with Special Olympics (http://www.specialolympics.org/) that deals with differences. You might want to use it in this case. I know she is bright in some ways, but there is good information out there in ally stuff.

Quoting renniejo:

The main problem is this is Rachel's first time at this school. She has had an IEP since she was 3 and this district has ignored everything I say. She was placed at this school because their program works toward Rachel being able to adjust to change and being able to make her own choice later in life. Overall we have seen a huge improvement in her since she started there in September. the program also means they want less parent involvement which is hard for me since I was room mom at Rachel's last school for 3 years in a row. Rachel has even asked me to help out more at her school but their policy wont let me. Also my ex husband thinks this school is just great and since we have joint legal I have to get him to see what would be best for Rachel. Rachel's medical team is trying to help me and is having Easterseals go to the school and observe Rachel and the teachers to see if there is anything they could do to help us. I have emailed her principal and have asked for a meeting next week to discuss all of what we heard and our concerns. Thank you everyone for your advice.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

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