Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I'm so frustrated with Family!

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:17 PM
  • 11 Replies
So we got the official diagnosis of Autism with our daughter in January of this year, yes I've had my up's and down's and still trying to process and navigate my days! I have accepted it and I'm working daily educating myself trying diet changes, supplements, various therapies which have all helped and she has made small but wonderful improvements! However I have this nasty thorn sticking me in the side constantly! Which happens to be my mother in law!!!! I understand we all process things at our own pace and in our own ways! She is constantly asking what is Callie's new word today !? Is she talking more to her brother now!?hows her speech therapy homework going!? She is an RN and always preaches how important education is! , but apparently she hasnt educated herself on the subject of Autism! I'm just soo tired of her ignorance in this issue! We need support not scrutiny! I have suggested websites to her and tried to maintain patience with her but I have had it and about to lose it with her! Any suggestions?
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
N.Carter2001
by Bronze Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 7:40 PM

Hi, I just wanted to say you are not alone. My boyfriend mom think our son just won't talk and not potty trained is because we don't know what we doing. In the past she has said let him move in with her. Not going to happen. But in her eyes he will be talking and potty trained. And my family well I really don't say much about Jacob having autism. My family so different. But I was born with cp. so they gave up on me. So my family like why do therapy. He won't be normal. And my ex mom and I don't talk anymore. She felt he would be better off in a group home at 1 point. Because I'm not doing things her way. She also has mental problems. Because I should of never grown up. So I know it hard to have family not understand. 

amonkeymom
by Amy on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:46 PM

hugs  She definitely sounds like she's uneducated about autism, but not willing to change that either.  I wish there was some magic pill to make her understand and not be so.... bossy about your daughter.  Hang in there.

KatyTylersMom
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 2:43 PM

I have found that even if a person reads up on autism, spends time with your kiddo, and seems like a relatively intelligent human being, it takes seeing your kid in their therapy sessions, struggling to speak or do the ABA task or whatever they are working on before "they get it". 

For me it was my dad and his wife.  They live on the opposite side of the country and come stay for a few weeks every year to see the kids but what they see at home is our happy kids being goofballs and running around being cute kids.  They didn't "get it" until they got up early to go to a speech therapy session for my son who was just NOT in the mood that morning.  He struggled with his words, didn't want to participate in his favorite songs, and had a meltdown halfway through.  No biggie, he's tired and speech is VERY hard for him so meltdowns happen and the therapists were well aware of how to help him and get back to therapy.  But I look up and the grandparents are in tears because NOW they see him struggle and hurt and cry and have all the issues I'd told them about but they didn't see.  

So if you want the people in your family to understand then maybe figure out a way for them to see your kid in an activity where they struggle and where it's more obvious how autism is affecting them.  Or you could take videos but there is nothing quite like seeing it in person. 

dawncs
by Dawn on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:11 PM

Welcome to the group! Dealing with family is not easy at times, and it can be even harder when you are dealing with a family member in the medical field such as a RN. You have to realize that the person in the medical field is not familar with every disability out there. I know this from personal experience since my Mom is a RN, too. You might want to share some literature with her on it along with some good websites. I found some older adults are not really good at researching on the internet as younger people on different topics. She is trying to show enthusiasm and trying to be supportive in her own way. I recommend reading http://www.wrightslaw.com/, http://www.autism-society.org/, and http://www.autismspeaks.org/. For activities, I recommend TheARC (http://www.thearc.org/), Special Olympics (http://www.specialolympics.org/), and Variety Club (http://www.usvariety.org/).

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:19 PM
I have the most awful MIL and not just with my son, but with all 3 of my kids. Not only is she uneducated as far as autism but she's plain ignorant.

Hugs mama.... I know where you're coming from.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Apr. 4, 2013 at 6:57 AM

Hugs mama!

joel2010
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:04 AM

 for us it has been hard with some and easy with others for my inlaws it took us staying at their place for a few days and in him not been on his schulde that we have at home all that time for them to see things are different in that way with the austim.  But our son also has a sezure disorder  which they did not get because the type he has affects 1 in 5 thousands little ones and can and is not a good one and for then to understand how some of that work we had to be around them but they were not aloud in his life for the first part of his first years becuase of some things.

Then my part of the family had seen what the seziuer disorder was like from the start.  but they have had a hard time with the austim part not is not saying he does not have it but knowing what all to do.  some will not take him for to long i have one that will for over nite but we have to drop off just an hour before bed rite now then they do the moring thing with him for that is his best time.  and then another that will take him without a problem  but she has had two boys with other problems so knows what to do somewhat plus her son is with us every weekend so if she needs all she has to do is ask him.  but them we have others until they see do not get it.  we have take some to appintments which help alot some are doctor appiontments others is have been PT speech OT so they can leanr and ask question which helps out alot best u can do was for us not sure if that helps also have went as far as droping off papers to them for them to read


Quoting MamaAnnalee:

So we got the official diagnosis of Autism with our daughter in January of this year, yes I've had my up's and down's and still trying to process and navigate my days! I have accepted it and I'm working daily educating myself trying diet changes, supplements, various therapies which have all helped and she has made small but wonderful improvements! However I have this nasty thorn sticking me in the side constantly! Which happens to be my mother in law!!!! I understand we all process things at our own pace and in our own ways! She is constantly asking what is Callie's new word today !? Is she talking more to her brother now!?hows her speech therapy homework going!? She is an RN and always preaches how important education is! , but apparently she hasnt educated herself on the subject of Autism! I'm just soo tired of her ignorance in this issue! We need support not scrutiny! I have suggested websites to her and tried to maintain patience with her but I have had it and about to lose it with her! Any suggestions?


 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Apr. 4, 2013 at 8:12 AM

I would print the information out and give it to her personally. She may not have checked out those sites yet. Also it may be the excitement of the moment with your daughter getting her dx. She may just be ready for all the new things your daughter will accomplish. 

MamaAnnalee
by Member on Apr. 4, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Thank you for your responses and suggestions. I really think she doesn't want to accept it! We only see them about one time per year, so they really don't even know our children which is sad but I have had to accept that it's their loss and also realize that family apparently isn't very important to them! My daughter and my family are important and that's where I need to put my focus!
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
LostInLove2002
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 4:21 PM
OY! You know she loves that kid an you right? You get to see your child every day so your securities are based on what you learn/see. She doesn't have that advantage. I'm sure she's trying to be helpful AND learn some things that will make her feel good about her granddaughter's progress. I think that you need to tell her nicely that what you told us. That you're working daily to navigate your way through this, trying to digest it all yourself and that WHEN there are things to share you will but that her asking all the time starts to grind on you. Not having news to share is like salt in the wound to you. That it hurts to say, "No new words today." or "Today was a meltdown day." Just ask for some breathing room. I'm sure she'll understand. If not... suggest that SHE get some therapy. :) HA! I hope and pray it works out for you.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN