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I need to vent please do not bash I'm really in need of a hug

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:32 PM
  • 62 Replies
1 mom liked this

I am always the one to find the blessing in everything. When my son was Dx'd in feb 2012 i was hurt but found the blessings in the situation handed to us.

But today for the 1st time I actually found myself asking "Why can't he just be normal"

I just want my son to be able to enjoy things the way non-ASD kids do. It kills me even with the autism t ball team he can't play because it's just too much for him, It kills me.

I wish my son would look at me when i tell him i love him, i wish i could bond with him.

I'm literally dead inside today because today is the day it hit me my son is really really autistic.

It's not that I really been in denial per say, more saw that I've learned to sugarcoat it.

I just want to hold him and promise him everything is okay, the noises aren't as loud as he hears them, that he doesn't need to flap when he's in an uncharted place. That it's okay to put the left sock on before the right one and the world won't end.

I just, I just want him to be able to enjoy life with such horrid anxiety and fears.

I just want him to know what being loved and happy without fear feels like.


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by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
adreeves
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:40 PM
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I am sorry you are feeling this way but it is normal. I have had days like these I do wish my son was  "normal" some days but then other days I love him just the way he is.  It will get better and then some days is seems worse. Hang in there.hugs

MamaFrankie
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:43 PM

thank you. it's just really hard. i was going to take him on a boat tour today it's 90 mins but idk if he'll be able to do it

Quoting adreeves:

I am sorry you are feeling this way but it is normal. I have had days like these I do wish my son was  "normal" some days but then other days I love him just the way he is.  It will get better and then some days is seems worse. Hang in there.hugs


Join us in the South Florida Mom's group!

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OFIH
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:52 PM

We all have days like that. It's normal and a part of learning to live with an issue such as this. Hope tomorrow is better for you.

 hugs

OFIH - Controller of chaos, laugher at children's antics, creator of messes, lover of God.
yergie1985
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:52 PM
1 mom liked this

First off  (((((HUG))))))

Second, you're not the first mom to have that thought. Our kids are amazing, unique and the loves our lives but it does hurt to watch them and wish they could be "normal." 

I recently had that day too where I couldn't ignore the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. I was up all night crying on friday. Riley had a night terror and as I was calming him down and trying to get him back to sleep it hit me like a ton of bricks that there was a chance I'd be doing this same thing for the next 50-60 years. I know that it's a very small chance but, hey, it was 3am and I live in a pretty much constant state of sleep deprivation so "rational" was nowhere in my thought process :)

But then I was blessed yesterday to see him trying to play with other kids. They were babies, but I take what I can get lol. 

I'm sure that there are dozens of things about your son that make you smile, laugh and have that swell of pride. Try writing some of those things down and when you're having a day like today pull out that list. Or make a little photo album with those things and picutres of him doing that stuff if you have them.

---Praying for you and your kiddo
 

KatyTylersMom
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:23 PM
3 moms liked this

I have days like that at least once a month and while they always pass I've kind of accepted that for now, they'll always come back too.  And while I take great comfort in working with our DAN! style doctor to treat our kids' autism physically, which in turn facilitates the behavioral interventions like ABA and Speech therapy that we also do.  But sometimes when a report hits you between the eyes that your nearly 3 year old son is operating somewhere between a 12-15 month level it can be hard to focus on the positive - he's made 6 months worth of progress in 6 months so he's progressing like a 'normal' child, just a much younger one.  Or that your 4 year old daughter is more along the lines of a 2.5-3 year old and cannot for the life of her answer the question "what did you do at school?"

Those are the days when I have an internal scream going on all day long which alternates between WHY???? and IT'S NOT FAIR!!!  They pass, the kids progress, there are small triumphs and hopefully smaller setbacks but the fact remains: our kids have autism and it sucks sometimes.  HARD. 

As a small pick-you-up I offer a picture of my daughter, Katy, who wanted her face painted SO BADLY and yet was terrified of the lady touching her face.  We waited in the long face-painting line twice so she could watch a few other kids get their faces done and I had to be hugging her the whole time, but she decided she was GETTING. HER. FACE. PAINTED. and sucked it up and did it!  She was SO proud of herself afterwards saying "mommy i'm a big strong girl.  I did it.  I'm a kittycat!" So while there are days that can make it harder to hope and to enjoy the moment, there will be days when you see all the hard work pay off.


amonkeymom
by Amy on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:31 PM

hugs

What are some things your son CAN do?  Mine doesn't do well in team sports of any kind, but does great doing things like swimming and gymnastics where he only competes with himself and just has fun.

kinshipcaremama
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:50 PM
Organized sports, even the teams for kids with special needs, were too much for my son. We eventually found a swim league that fit him perfectly. He never did compete but he participated in the practice. His coach was amazing and really went out of his way to help him. Keep trying different activities and programs. And don't worry.... you'll get back to feeling better about things soon.
MamaFrankie
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:29 PM

 Thank you ladies for your kind words advice and comparisons it helps xo

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TheJerseyGirl
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:33 PM
5 moms liked this
No one in this group would EVER. Bash you... I promise. And you know why? Because every one of us looks into the eyes of our beautiful children and cries out WHY??!!! Why my baby? Why can't he just be normal?

And we say this so selflessly... It's not a request for US... But for THEM.

Big big hugs, mama.
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newmommy430
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Why would anyone bash you? We all have are hard days, weeks, months...

((Hugs))
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