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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

how do you discipline? or do you?

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:50 PM
  • 20 Replies
I saw a post in another group about a mom frustrated with a family who had an autistic child who hurt her child. This post is filled yo the brim with replies about how we ( moms of kids with autism) make excuses for discipline and how they don't care that 'our ' kids don't know how to behave themselves they shouldn't be out with other kids if they can't keep their hands to themselves.
It just irritated me! I just cant believe how many ignorant idiots are on here!
so in light of autism awareness month I thought I'd ask how you would handle people like this in public.
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TheLadyAmalthea
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't spank my children. My son rarely ever does something that is bad. I do not count the times that he screams due to his inability to talk. I do count when he does something he knows he can't do, like run from me or throw things. I will take away privilages such as play time with the ipad or xbox. I will also put him in his room for a time out, which he hates! But like I said, my son rarely does anything bad, he is very well behaved.

BluntlyBlue
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I discipline J the same way I did the big/neurotypical kids: time outs and loss of priveleges. His favorite thing is his computer, so I save that one for serious offenses - things I want to stop as quickly as possible. It usually only takes a time or two before he figures out I mean what I say. Time outs are the same way, after a few times he gets the message.

You're braver than I am - I saw the piece you're talking about, but I didn't dare go past one or two comments, I knew my head would explode. The post itself was bad enough. Did anyone point out that's the same kind of things NT kids do all the time?

mypbandj
by Jen on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:52 PM
2 moms liked this
Discipline is teaching and yes, I discipline my kids! I want them to be productive members of society and be able to function with other people appropriatly. I discipline each child according to their age and developmental level. I don't want to yell or hit my kids, I want to teach them what they should be doing. I want them to feel success with that so they feel like they can do it. So while I may not be yelling or spanking my kids, that doesn't mean I am letting them run wild.
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DragonInfinity
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:58 PM
2 moms liked this

 I never understood why people talk down about kids with autism, I have cousins that have autism and down syndromn and they are the sweetest most kindest people I know! Sure they can be difficult at times, but it is understandable! And I think that moms who have children like that are super-moms! and I salute you!!!

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safety in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming, "WOO HOO, what a ride!!!"

lucasmadre
by Kari on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:08 AM

I have been lucky with the public but my son doesn't lash out at strangers or other children. I use the Super Nanny book of techniques for discipline, time out, reinforce positive behavior, take away privileges when he is defiant. I do not give him any special "breaks" because of his ASD, in fact I think he needs more structure because of it and seems to be the happiest when he knows exactly what is expected of him.  XO

Mi_Chelly
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:28 AM
It all depends on what is going on. 90% of the time, time outs mean nothing to my son, but there is still that 10% when it is effective. Mostly what works the most is loss of privileges, taking the ipad away, no wii or computer time. The biggest punishment that effects him the most is loss of his favorite stuffed animal, that is saved for heavy punishment, this stuffed animal is his bestest friend.

Thankfully, he is really good.
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LynErica13
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 7:54 AM

Ok I am not a biological Mother of a child of Autism, but I am pregnant and my boyfriend has a son who isnt technically diagnosed yet with it, but I am 100 percent sure hes Autistic. His real mother isnt in his life, and only his father(my boyfriend) and his parents and sisters help him with his son. They are all in denial very bad. I am not a mean person, but he is OUT OF CONTROL, I see everyone saying their child isnt bad, well im sorry but his son is very mean and dont listen to ANYTHING! He follows no direction what so ever! Unless hes focused, which is rarely EVER! I am pregnant, and I am very concerned with our lives. I am going to call my boyfriends son George, because if he ever seen me on one of these things or read something i wrote hed freak if I used his real name. George is 33 months old. His temper tantrums are so violent. He screams bloody murder if you put him in time out, he gets so mean, he bites, pinches very hard, kicks, slaps punches, and throws himself into or onto WHATEVER! And I might add that my boyfriend at the moment lives with his parents. NONE of them discipline George! I am the only one who is very very consistent and MEAN NO when I say no. I normallly dont hit George unless he kicks at my stomach which is large considering im 5 months pregnant. And when George is tired he is unbearable!!! I honestly have to restrain him. He gets that out of control. If you say the word NO, he flips a lid and cant handle it, and tries to hurt people no matter if they are the ones saying no, or not. I CANNOT have this kind of behavior around me or ANY infant. My mom has worked with many many autistic children for her job, and she is so positive he is autistic. I am the only one trying to get George help, because honestly how can I put my own child in harms way? If George was my child, Id have already gotten him intervention a long long time ago. He dont talk, he hums 24/7, he makes very different almost wierd facial expressions ive never seen before (I have 1 son who is going to be 4 in June) and rolls his eyes in the back of his head, and will get to rough for no reason. Example, just come over and jump on me out of nowhere and squeezes as hard as he possibly can until he shakes. When he gets like that, I try to get him to calm down, but I also let him know that his behavior is VERY unacceptable! And he isnt afraid of other children, he can not socially play correctly with them, he wants to beat them up or jump on them or put his feet in there face or pinch them. We cant let him around other children when he honestly is this out of control. And when we restrain him somtimes because he poses a threat to himself or others, he acts like the devil is in him. I feel horrible saying these things, but its honestly the truth. And I feel horrible, but legally I cant do anything unless his father helps me. We are seeking out intervention finally. I called myself and left a message with the local early intervention department, but now that its the weekend I will have to wait until Monday to call back! I love both George and my boyfriend(his father) but I have a responsibility to my unborn baby as well. And right now luckily my son lives with his father most of the time, so hes not in harms way, but this baby inside of me im afraid for! :( What do I do? Because if they keep staying in denial I either get them in trouble for neglecting George, or I leave because I will not have this baby in the middle of a temper tantrum frenzy... help!

Kimmiky
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:12 AM
Well I was getting LIVID about that one who had a "special needs child" escorted out of the mall! She just kept saying it's not her responsibility to deal with these kids and that she shouldn't have to deal with them. What a horrible way to think! And how the heck did she even know the kids was sn if she never talked to the parents?
I know my son's behavior and I try to keep him from hurting himself and stuff and we leave if he gets out of control but I'm not going to leave him at home so we can take my other two or never go anywhere because he has autism. Ugh. I guess I've just never seen such bold faced ignorance before.


Quoting BluntlyBlue:

I discipline J the same way I did the big/neurotypical kids: time outs and loss of priveleges. His favorite thing is his computer, so I save that one for serious offenses - things I want to stop as quickly as possible. It usually only takes a time or two before he figures out I mean what I say. Time outs are the same way, after a few times he gets the message.

You're braver than I am - I saw the piece you're talking about, but I didn't dare go past one or two comments, I knew my head would explode. The post itself was bad enough. Did anyone point out that's the same kind of things NT kids do all the time?

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Sunnybrooke_MA
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:19 AM
This!

Quoting BluntlyBlue:

I discipline J the same way I did the big/neurotypical kids: time outs and loss of priveleges. His favorite thing is his computer, so I save that one for serious offenses - things I want to stop as quickly as possible. It usually only takes a time or two before he figures out I mean what I say. Time outs are the same way, after a few times he gets the message.

You're braver than I am - I saw the piece you're talking about, but I didn't dare go past one or two comments, I knew my head would explode. The post itself was bad enough. Did anyone point out that's the same kind of things NT kids do all the time?

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Kimmiky
by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:28 AM
A lot of what you're saying sounds a lot like what my son was like before we got him onto therapy. The sensory seeking behavior ( jumping, kicking, pinching, throwing himself around), the humming the tantrums. . .
I think its great you're taking initiative to get him into therapy.
however I don't think you understand that this behavior is not his fault. He's NOT just being bad when he is acting this way because to be bad you have to understand what good and appropriate behavior is and CHOOSE not to do them. I don't think that he is choosing to be "BAD" when he's flipping out. . . He is not understanding what is going on and does not understand how to respond.
I would take it upon myself to learn as much as I can about asd and sensory processing since you will probably have to deal with this child and the chances are higher for your child to have asd if they have a sibling with it.


Quoting LynErica13:

Ok I am not a biological Mother of a child of Autism, but I am pregnant and my boyfriend has a son who isnt technically diagnosed yet with it, but I am 100 percent sure hes Autistic. His real mother isnt in his life, and only his father(my boyfriend) and his parents and sisters help him with his son. They are all in denial very bad. I am not a mean person, but he is OUT OF CONTROL, I see everyone saying their child isnt bad, well im sorry but his son is very mean and dont listen to ANYTHING! He follows no direction what so ever! Unless hes focused, which is rarely EVER! I am pregnant, and I am very concerned with our lives. I am going to call my boyfriends son George, because if he ever seen me on one of these things or read something i wrote hed freak if I used his real name. George is 33 months old. His temper tantrums are so violent. He screams bloody murder if you put him in time out, he gets so mean, he bites, pinches very hard, kicks, slaps punches, and throws himself into or onto WHATEVER! And I might add that my boyfriend at the moment lives with his parents. NONE of them discipline George! I am the only one who is very very consistent and MEAN NO when I say no. I normallly dont hit George unless he kicks at my stomach which is large considering im 5 months pregnant. And when George is tired he is unbearable!!! I honestly have to restrain him. He gets that out of control. If you say the word NO, he flips a lid and cant handle it, and tries to hurt people no matter if they are the ones saying no, or not. I CANNOT have this kind of behavior around me or ANY infant. My mom has worked with many many autistic children for her job, and she is so positive he is autistic. I am the only one trying to get George help, because honestly how can I put my own child in harms way? If George was my child, Id have already gotten him intervention a long long time ago. He dont talk, he hums 24/7, he makes very different almost wierd facial expressions ive never seen before (I have 1 son who is going to be 4 in June) and rolls his eyes in the back of his head, and will get to rough for no reason. Example, just come over and jump on me out of nowhere and squeezes as hard as he possibly can until he shakes. When he gets like that, I try to get him to calm down, but I also let him know that his behavior is VERY unacceptable! And he isnt afraid of other children, he can not socially play correctly with them, he wants to beat them up or jump on them or put his feet in there face or pinch them. We cant let him around other children when he honestly is this out of control. And when we restrain him somtimes because he poses a threat to himself or others, he acts like the devil is in him. I feel horrible saying these things, but its honestly the truth. And I feel horrible, but legally I cant do anything unless his father helps me. We are seeking out intervention finally. I called myself and left a message with the local early intervention department, but now that its the weekend I will have to wait until Monday to call back! I love both George and my boyfriend(his father) but I have a responsibility to my unborn baby as well. And right now luckily my son lives with his father most of the time, so hes not in harms way, but this baby inside of me im afraid for! :( What do I do? Because if they keep staying in denial I either get them in trouble for neglecting George, or I leave because I will not have this baby in the middle of a temper tantrum frenzy... help!

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