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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I need serious help here :(

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:34 PM
  • 12 Replies

I am leaving my husband. Its been building up for a while. We seperated because he was an asshole, drinks, screams, treated me like crap, and hit me once. 

we got back together after 2 years because I believe in making marriage work. he was in councelling, anger management, and AA. We were going to church, and things were better. 

He went out last night with friends from work to go bowling. He told me he wasnt going to drink. i believed him. he told me in texts all night that he was not drinking. 

Then he came home, gave me a kiss, and went to bed. I could smell the freaking beer on him!!! 

Then i found 3 beers hiding in his closet for god knows how long its been there!!! 


I cant do this anymore. I have decided that we are through. I cant love someone who does this. If he had a slip up, and needed help through it i would totally be there to help him. but he lied to me ALL NIGHT and is continuing to lie to me all day today. he still doesnt know that i know. 


my daughter has even said to me a few times that she is confused about wether or not we should divorce daddy. :( :( it tears my heart to hear her say that. 


I dont want to put her through so much! :( leaving him would devistate her, even if she thinks its a good idea. she loves him. i know she does :( and he loves her. 


She is almost 10. And i know her so well, that i know when i talk to her about this, she is going to want to know WHY. and she will NOT let it go if i dont tell her

she knows daddy drinks beer too much. and that i dont like it. 


do you think i should be completly honest with her and tell her that daddy wont stop drinking, and mommy cant love him anymore....



by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kajira
by Emma on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:45 PM
5 moms liked this

You can love him and not have him be the right person, or a healthy situation. I think a better way to handle this is talking to your daughter abuot how you can love someone who makes bad choices, but not love the bad choices they make.... and if they can't make good choices, love isn't enough to make it stay in an unhealthy situation.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Thank you. That helps so much. *hugs* 

Quoting kajira:

You can love him and not have him be the right person, or a healthy situation. I think a better way to handle this is talking to your daughter abuot how you can love someone who makes bad choices, but not love the bad choices they make.... and if they can't make good choices, love isn't enough to make it stay in an unhealthy situation.


girl_incognito
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 6:46 PM

I grew up with two alcoholic parents... they both were battling addiction at separate times in my life. My dad was abusive... I begged my mom to leave.
I hurt a lot because of his bad choices and her being scared
I like Emma's suggestion...
JP-StrongForTwo
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 6:47 PM

I am so sorry you went through that :( 

Quoting girl_incognito:


I grew up with two alcoholic parents... they both were battling addiction at separate times in my life. My dad was abusive... I begged my mom to leave.
I hurt a lot because of his bad choices and her being scared
I like Emma's suggestion...


mommaTLC186
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 6:52 PM
My xh left us the night my son got diagnosed saying I gave him a retard. Our sons were 2&3yrs old. As they got older and started asking why we were divorced I just told them that we didn't get along well enough to live together. Regardless of the way I feel about their dad...he is still their dad and I don't feel its necessary to bad talk him to the kids. They will (and have) figured out for themselves what kind of person their dad is (the boys are 15&14 now).
girl_incognito
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 6:57 PM
2 moms liked this
It's okay momma. You're doing the right thing for for yourself and your daughter. It's not easy growing up in an unstable and very volatile environment. I am thinking of you and your daughter. Best of luck to you.

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

I am so sorry you went through that :( 

Quoting girl_incognito:



I grew up with two alcoholic parents... they both were battling addiction at separate times in my life. My dad was abusive... I begged my mom to leave.

I hurt a lot because of his bad choices and her being scared

I like Emma's suggestion...


JP-StrongForTwo
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 6:57 PM

*hugs* im sorry they had to deal with such a thing. its unfair and no child should have to lose a parent :( 

Quoting mommaTLC186:

My xh left us the night my son got diagnosed saying I gave him a retard. Our sons were 2&3yrs old. As they got older and started asking why we were divorced I just told them that we didn't get along well enough to live together. Regardless of the way I feel about their dad...he is still their dad and I don't feel its necessary to bad talk him to the kids. They will (and have) figured out for themselves what kind of person their dad is (the boys are 15&14 now).


mommaTLC186
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 7:04 PM
1 mom liked this
His loss not theirs.
I wish you luck in what ever decision you make 'hugs'


Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

*hugs* im sorry they had to deal with such a thing. its unfair and no child should have to lose a parent :( 

Quoting mommaTLC186:

My xh left us the night my son got diagnosed saying I gave him a retard. Our sons were 2&3yrs old. As they got older and started asking why we were divorced I just told them that we didn't get along well enough to live together. Regardless of the way I feel about their dad...he is still their dad and I don't feel its necessary to bad talk him to the kids. They will (and have) figured out for themselves what kind of person their dad is (the boys are 15&14 now).


Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2013 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm so sorry.  That will be hard for all of you, but probably better than your daughter growing up in an unhealthy environment and you continuing to endure all the stress that comes with it. 

I agree with the other ladies, maybe don't be so specific on the reason you are splitting up, just more the general that there are some important factors you can't agree on, and you can be better parents to her if you are apart now.  I think if you both make it clear you love her, and that the reasons you are splitting have nothing to do with her, it will go a long way in making her still feel secure and safe through the change.

Good luck and hugs.  That's terrible for you all!

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jun. 9, 2013 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I really like Emma's answer. I think you know in your heart what is best for you and your dd. hugs momma. 

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