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I guess it's time for mommy to meltdown

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 5:41 AM
  • 20 Replies
I don't know if its just one of those nights or what the deal is?! My heart hurts, it is heavy. I find myself being very angry at autism tonight!!! I feel stupid saying that and I feel like I'm feeling sorry for myself...which I hate! But as the rest of you I'm sure...I am a ROCK! I stand fast and hold strong day in and day out! Family knows to be concerned if I faulter because I am so strong. Well, it is EXHAUSTING having to be strong for everyone all of the time! I am strong because I do not know what else to be?! There is no one strong enough to be strong for me...seriously if I showed weakness, if I needed a rock to lean on...no one could do it! Because of this fact I am having a mommy meltdown lol. My heart is hurting all over again! Like I'm mourning the news all over again! I know that I am just overwhelmed and that this is how my body is releasing the pressure. It's just hard for me. I wish I had family that understood... I wish that my husband understood! He still acts like its something Liam will simply outgrow :-/ I'm not a negative person by any means, I'm one to always find the silver lining in any and all! But even my husbands act of "he's fine he'll out grow it!" Hurts my feelings, ya know?! It's like he doesn't accept our son or that he's embarrassed by him? I don't know, it may just be a lack of knowledge. I try to give him the facts and he refuses to discuss it. I need someone on MY SIDE, fighting this fight WITH ME!!! It is a horrible feeling to feel like I'm fighting this alone! It gets so overwhelming at times because I carry the entire load myself! I am so frustrated with the system right now!!! It is taking FOREVER to get these dang doctors and therapists on the same page!!! Meanwhile at home things are getting more stressful!!!! I feel I'm about to burst :(

My husband was off for the past 3wks from surgery and I kept hearing things like:
"why is he doing that?! Make him stop!"
"What's wrong with him?!"
"Why is he so loud?!"
"What does he want?!"
"He needs a time out or a NAP!"

Oh my GOD!!! I don't know which was worse: him being that way and losing patience with our son, or the 2yr olds meltdowns escalating due to daddy?!

Sorry for the VENT but I needed it out!
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 5:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:24 AM

 When D was first dx'ed I noticed the family would just stare at him and watch...It used to piss me off so bad I didn't want to see any of them. My mom would also make comments like "He's getting worse...aren't you going to do something?"

I wanted to scream at her "Well, you're a fruit loop, lady, and you're supposed to be normal, so......" lol!

I promise you, D is 12 and the people around him frustrate me over autism more than he does. Meltdowns for mommies are allowed!

 

Charizma77
by Carissa on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:39 AM

Mommy meltdowns are ok! Glad you have us to vent to.. Sorry your husband is being like that..he needs to be educated on autism and maybe find a support group or something to be part of or learn more about it. Hugs!

fivegirls333
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 6:51 AM

your post made me cry.  no one knows how hard it is and what an effort it takes to make us look "normal".  i am so glad that you shared this morning.  and i know that you will paste on a great big smile and be the best mom ever...but man...it would be so nice to just crawl up into Jesus's lap and have him rock you...just for a minute, right?  we are out here and we are with you!  it doesn't make it any better but it is nice to know you are not alone...you are a good reminder to me why i will not marry my so...even after 14 years.  i really have enough on my plate, and i don't need "mr. fix it" making things worse...ugh...he does however drop off two fresh coffees at my front door every morning...sweet.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:35 AM

Hugs mama!

SandyLaxner
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 7:59 AM

((HUGS))Mama

busymommy98
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:10 AM

Hugs momma. You are so not alone. We are all here for you. Let it out, sweetie. I have shed enough tears over the years to fill a lake. Hang in there, you can do this. In the meantime, vent to us, we understand like no one else can...

lemonade1
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:14 AM

Vent as much as u like Mama, we Mums are the ones that are still standing when all around are crumbling.  What people don't realise is we need help or an ear at times too.  My ex walked out the door and hardly bothers with his son.  In fact we have never had the aspergers discussion, he didn't want to know.  I know what its like to feel at the end of my tether. x Big hug x

Mommyandliam
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Part of me is expecting him to leave eventually. Because of this I have accidentally put a wall up without noticing at first. Resentment towards him is setting in because of the fact. I find myself asking myself if I still love him?! I know I do, it's just hard...when he is the way he is!


Quoting lemonade1:

Vent as much as u like Mama, we Mums are the ones that are still standing when all around are crumbling.  What people don't realise is we need help or an ear at times too.  My ex walked out the door and hardly bothers with his son.  In fact we have never had the aspergers discussion, he didn't want to know.  I know what its like to feel at the end of my tether. x Big hug x


Momof4AEMW
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:21 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs Mama.  About 90% of what you wrote is my life to a T.  I'm the strong one and the one that deals with everything, and no one gets to see me upset or run down.  I get it.  You just let it all out!

elkmomma
by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Lots & lots of big ole hugs for you.  You're so not alone even when it feels that way.  I had one of those the other night too.  Just sucks when it happens, but there is only so much we can take before over loadedwith emotions.  Hang in there Momma.

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