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hugging strangers

Posted by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 4:36 PM
  • 18 Replies
Whenever i take my son to a public pool, he sometimes likes to hug a random stranger. This can be a problem especially if the person hates hugs. Yesterday, when he spotted someone i said firmly ""no hugging" he listened, but that does not always work. Not even distraction. Any ideas?
by on Jul. 14, 2013 at 4:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JTMOM422
by Brenda on Jul. 14, 2013 at 5:02 PM

No I have the an issue close to yours. My son will go up to a stranger and say hi then take the persons hand and say come on. It scares me to death. I am so afraid that I wo t catch him one time and someone will try to take off with him. He has no fear of danger so I am going to have to really keep an eye on him out in public

lucasmadre
by Kari on Jul. 14, 2013 at 6:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh boy, we live in the wrong culture for your son! How old is your boy? My son went through a stage of hugging all his pals when they were in kindergarten and it made some of them uncomfortable and some joined right in :) I think you have to just gently keep reminding him that hugs are for special people at special times. He will figure it out eventually. I would rather having him hugging than hitting!!  XO

Charizma77
by Carissa on Jul. 14, 2013 at 7:27 PM

My son doesn't hug strangers but he talks to everyone and anyone and sometimes stands too close. We talk a lot about personal space but we also do a lot if redirecting him.

specmom2
by Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 8:01 PM

My son is  22.  We have had incidents where most people are understanding until they try to break away from him. He does not want to let go! I do gently remind him no sweetheart no hugs today. I just worry that some stranger will get pissed off and want to hurt him because they don't understand. 

specmom2
by Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 8:02 PM

I know how you feel. My son has no fear either and who knows what would happen if the wrong person reacted in the wrong way. 

Bobsie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:00 PM
1 mom liked this
When my son was 4 starting hugging pretty little girls who were between the ages 8-10.
mypbandj
by Jen on Jul. 14, 2013 at 11:20 PM
No we haven't had that problem. Do you ever try to just stop the behavior? Like never allowing it? With the exception of family and friends that is.
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Trabrooke
by on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:32 AM

I usually say to my daughter hugs for mum and dad only sometimes people are shocked when she hugs them out of the blue  also I have have a problem with Brooke  taking strangers hands  so I have the same rule hope this helps 

Ajisai43
by Bronze Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 5:59 AM

This very topic came up at my support group last week and the mom was at a loss at what to do with her first grader who is just too trusting (or perhaps not aware of boundaries might be a better description) and too affectionate with strangers.  The leader suggested drawing a smallish circle on a sheet of paper and writing in immediate family members' names and putting a big "1" in the circle, in green, perhaps.  Then draw a larger circle around that one and put in maybe relatives a close family friends, with a big "2" in there somewhere in a different color, maybe yellow.   Then do a larger circle around it and write in maybe like bus drivers, cashiers, friendly face the child knows but are not close to the family, and write the number "3" in red for a "no" or danger kind of meaning..  And finally a fourth circle, the largest one, and put strangers and other people your kid is likely to meet and write the number "4" also in red..  And then sit with your child and go through the circles, pointing out who it is ok to hug, like a level one person is probably ok to hug without asking.  A level two might have to start with asking, a level three is a no hug but maybe a hand shake, and level four is no touching, or something along those lines.  This was all in Japanese and I couldn't quite catch it all, but that was the gist of it all and I thought it was a great idea.  And then of course you could put photos of family members and friends along with their names for move visual guidance.  But the main thing they were saying was to always point out a level one person, a level two person, and then as time goes on you ask the child to tell you if it is a level on person, so they can figure it out on their own.  Anyhoo, you can tweak it to make it work for you, but the general idea is a good one IMHO.  Good luck!

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 15, 2013 at 6:35 AM

Welcome to the group mama!  No experience as my son is the opposite:)  Hugs!

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