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Autism parents who have kids with autism advice...

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 6:46 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hi...my dh was just diagnosed with autism, but we knew he had it before that. We have 2 kids, both with autism. Our oldest is mild to high functioning and our youngest is pretty severe, low functioning. My dh is having a problem with our oldest. They both are pretty much the same and act somewhat the same. My dh is having problems disciplining our oldest. With our oldest, you have to repeat yourself a lot to get your point across or to get him to understand you. My dh is getting frustrated with our oldest to quickly. My dh doesnt understand that it takes time for him to understand. My dh can also not hande meltdowns to good either. He has a hard time redirecting our boys. I always tell my dh to breathe and take a step back for a few moments, then readdress the situation. Is there anything else I could do for my dh to help with our boys, any advice is appreciated. Thank you...

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 6:46 PM
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girl_incognito
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:05 PM

Your husband is going to have to work on himself, which is really hard. I did a lot of work on myself, reading on autism as it applies to me, reflecting on how certain things made me feel, tapping into my empathy so I could relate to my son...  can you find ways to help him relate to how he makes your son feel when he reacts that way. It may help him.

You're admirable to me, for supporting these people in your life and asking questions.

You may have to  have your husband remove himself from those scenarios that cause friction too... sometimes it's best :D

Rosebud27aj
by Amanda on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:18 PM

Thank you. He is going to therapy, to talk to someone with helping him cope with everything.  But I will let him know, that reading up on autism, may help him. I will do my best to help him find other ways and help him with his feelings, thank you...


Quoting girl_incognito:

Your husband is going to have to work on himself, which is really hard. I did a lot of work on myself, reading on autism as it applies to me, reflecting on how certain things made me feel, tapping into my empathy so I could relate to my son...  can you find ways to help him relate to how he makes your son feel when he reacts that way. It may help him.

You're admirable to me, for supporting these people in your life and asking questions.

You may have to  have your husband remove himself from those scenarios that cause friction too... sometimes it's best :D



girl_incognito
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:46 PM
1 mom liked this

There is a forum he can join, or just read through, that may help too. It's called wrongplanet.net I don't post there, but I do read a lot of the posts. 

There are blogs all over the internet too. 

There is a mom here, who I hope sees this post. Her and her husband are on the spectrum... she may have some great insight.


Quoting Rosebud27aj:

Thank you. He is going to therapy, to talk to someone with helping him cope with everything.  But I will let him know, that reading up on autism, may help him. I will do my best to help him find other ways and help him with his feelings, thank you...


Quoting girl_incognito:

Your husband is going to have to work on himself, which is really hard. I did a lot of work on myself, reading on autism as it applies to me, reflecting on how certain things made me feel, tapping into my empathy so I could relate to my son...  can you find ways to help him relate to how he makes your son feel when he reacts that way. It may help him.

You're admirable to me, for supporting these people in your life and asking questions.

You may have to  have your husband remove himself from those scenarios that cause friction too... sometimes it's best :D




lady_katie
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 7:55 PM
2 moms liked this

The key for me has been learning to be honest with myself about my limitations, accept them, and learn ways to work around them. A big part of that process has been learning to do away with my preconcieved ideas of what my role as a mother should look like, and how my family should function. 

I keep hearing protection handy, try to balance activities with down time, eat well, get enough sleep, and generally balance my life as best as I can to keep my frustration tolerance up. 

lady_katie
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, that's me by the way ... unless there's two of us =)  

Quoting girl_incognito:

There is a mom here, who I hope sees this post. Her and her husband are on the spectrum... she may have some great insight.



Rosebud27aj
by Amanda on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:35 PM


That is great advice....thanks

Quoting lady_katie:

The key for me has been learning to be honest with myself about my limitations, accept them, and learn ways to work around them. A big part of that process has been learning to do away with my preconcieved ideas of what my role as a mother should look like, and how my family should function. 

I keep hearing protection handy, try to balance activities with down time, eat well, get enough sleep, and generally balance my life as best as I can to keep my frustration tolerance up. 



girl_incognito
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:38 PM
2 moms liked this

yep that's you! You gave great advice thank you. I especially love the part of letting go of all preconceived notions of how motherhood and a family unit should look like and work...It took me a long time to get that. But we got it now... 

Quoting lady_katie:

Oh, that's me by the way ... unless there's two of us =)  

Quoting girl_incognito:

There is a mom here, who I hope sees this post. Her and her husband are on the spectrum... she may have some great insight.




KatyTylersMom
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 8:42 PM
1 mom liked this

As a non ASD parent I can just add that in our house the kid most like the parent is the one who gets on that parents nerves.  My daughter is exactly like me, my son is exactly like my husband.  We both can handle the OTHER kids' issues, meltdowns, whining, whatever MUCH better than the one who is a mini-me. 

So it could be that for whatever reason their extreme similarities just set the other one off and then creates a giant feedback loop of annoyance until someone explodes.  Maybe realizing the ways in which they are similar can help or just talking about ways you handle your DH when he's acting like your son so he can use those same techniques, but mostly my hubby and I just divide and conquer.  He'll take our daughter, I'll take our son and everyone calms down and is happy:)

Rosebud27aj
by Amanda on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:06 PM


This is great...I never thought about the techniques that I use with my dh, could be good for him to use with our oldest...thank you...

Quoting KatyTylersMom:

As a non ASD parent I can just add that in our house the kid most like the parent is the one who gets on that parents nerves.  My daughter is exactly like me, my son is exactly like my husband.  We both can handle the OTHER kids' issues, meltdowns, whining, whatever MUCH better than the one who is a mini-me. 

So it could be that for whatever reason their extreme similarities just set the other one off and then creates a giant feedback loop of annoyance until someone explodes.  Maybe realizing the ways in which they are similar can help or just talking about ways you handle your DH when he's acting like your son so he can use those same techniques, but mostly my hubby and I just divide and conquer.  He'll take our daughter, I'll take our son and everyone calms down and is happy:)



KatyTylersMom
by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this

Well sadly my genius comes from watching my husband approach my daughter the same way he 'handles' me at times... not that I'm EVER unreasonable.  Nope! 


Quoting Rosebud27aj:


This is great...I never thought about the techniques that I use with my dh, could be good for him to use with our oldest...thank you...

Quoting KatyTylersMom:

As a non ASD parent I can just add that in our house the kid most like the parent is the one who gets on that parents nerves.  My daughter is exactly like me, my son is exactly like my husband.  We both can handle the OTHER kids' issues, meltdowns, whining, whatever MUCH better than the one who is a mini-me. 

So it could be that for whatever reason their extreme similarities just set the other one off and then creates a giant feedback loop of annoyance until someone explodes.  Maybe realizing the ways in which they are similar can help or just talking about ways you handle your DH when he's acting like your son so he can use those same techniques, but mostly my hubby and I just divide and conquer.  He'll take our daughter, I'll take our son and everyone calms down and is happy:)





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