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Feeling Lost

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:25 PM
  • 4 Replies

My 8 year old was diagnosed with Asperger's in December. Today, I took one of my 5 year old twins to begin testing. I have very little doubts that he is on the spectrum but I still had a glimmer of hope until I listened to him being tested in the other room. Our psychologist is in a small house and you can hear, very clearly, what is being said in the rooms that they were testing in. I could hear the questions being asked and the tasks being given and my child's responses. For instance, she was asking him to give a specific answer from a sentence that she would say. The sentence had the word "cat" in it. His response, "We have a cat! Her name is Rylee." Next sentence, "Nathan likes school..." His response, "My cousins name is Nathan." and he goes on to tell her about his cousin. And so on and so on. When we met with the counselor for the interview time, he was completely overloaded. My older son throws tantrums when he is overloaded. My 5 year old becomes uncontrollably silly and sarcastic. He was loud and, while he did eventually answer the questions, it was very hard to get a response between him hiding behind me and the desk and his trying to be silly (his way of deflecting attention). I knew he would be on the spectrum but I think today was very eye opening for me as I saw that he may be further on the spectrum than I had previously thought. Just feeling a little lost in all of this and trying to figure out how, out of four children, I have one with ADHD and two with Autism. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my boys  but as a mother it is a hard reality to face. 

Mommy to Cameron , Xander , and twins Matthew and Chandler 

playing soccerslideboy on a swingboy on a swing

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:25 PM
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by Kari on Jul. 16, 2013 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I completely understand your prospective. Yes, of course we love our kids but it isn't easy to raise children and then to add the special needs to it, well it is overwhelming. I feel grief off and on too because things are harder for them, I hate that. I want to protect my son and I can't. 

There are those moments when you see your child clearly (like during your son's testing) and it can be heartbreaking. All I can say is we are all here for you and know what you are going through. XO

by Jen on Jul. 17, 2013 at 12:48 AM

Your story reminded me of my son. When he was four, he was getting tested at the school district. I had NO clue what we were looking at. This was 12 years ago and Autism and Aspergers weren't talked about, at least I hadn't heard of it.

They were trying to get him to sort shapes. They had a pile and told him: do what I do. And then they put all the stars in one pile, all the squares in another, etc.

Know what he did? He built a robot! And he was so proud! They were like....nice, but do this....and they tried again. And again. And again. He just wanted to build robots and had NO clue he wasn't doing what they wanted him to. LOL

Now I have another son and I know more. BUT I still have times when I am talking myself out of saying he is on the spectrum, even though he has lots of "signs." In May he started to hand flap. But it went away in June. But now it's coming back I noticed. And I'm also seeing a lot of toe walking too! But I tell myself:  He's fine. I'm making this stuff up. Its not severe. He will be fine. I'm the only one who see's it. UGH. I don't know anymore. All I can do is take it one day at a time.

by Hadley on Jul. 17, 2013 at 3:41 AM
I hate the testing. It is so painfully real and it makes me feel lost too. We just got my sons medical diagnosis that he does in fact have autism. He is 3 1/2. Although I have known for about a year and a half it has been surprisingly hard on me. I remember when I was researching autism and some of the things kids on the spectrum like, we would go to the playground and he would just run around these two cars that were always parked there and kiss the license plates. I would watch him and in my head go....noooooo! And then I would just try to enjoy watching him and how much he loved those damn dirty cars that were always (annoyingly) there. I don't know why we, and our kids, were put up to this challenge, but I heard a woman say once that challenging babies pick strong Mamas so I've just got to believe that we are all strong women and strong enough to handle these additional challenges otherwise we wouldn't have been given them.
by Darby on Jul. 17, 2013 at 5:34 AM

Big hugs mama!

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