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Need tips for public outings!! HELP!!!

Posted by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:11 AM
  • 24 Replies

My son Justin is 4 and I feel like he has been caged in at home we hardly go out other then very select few places. I want to take him out with me when I run errands and I dread it so we don't go. What can I do to help him not throw tantrums or refuse to go into the store. We recently went to raging waters and he had to be carried inside. Once he saw the water he was in heaven but when we wanted to move to a different area he had o be carried again because of his behavior and screaming. He has words but can't use them properly all the time. He is very tall for his age and very strong. His dad and I are stressed out and can't come up with a game plan. We need help before he gets even bigger and stronger.

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:11 AM
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HippoCat
by Hadley on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:51 AM
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Maybe check out some places before you bring him and come up with a plan for when you go. Even if you can only go to the grocery store to pick up a can of soup you have both accomplished something huge. The next time you might be able to get some milk too:) 

You were brave to bring him to the water place. It sounds like you are ready to try new things with him so you can help him learn that they are fun and be patient with him along the way. Good luck!

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 28, 2013 at 7:34 AM

I love the advice above...hugs and good luck mama!

johnns
by Johnna on Jul. 28, 2013 at 8:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I know where your coming from! I have to put a lot of thought in where I can take my Sally- almost 5.
Store- she doesn't stay with us, so I HAVE to put her in cart. One time she threw such a fit, we didn't even make it inside- we didn't take her to Walmart for 3 months. She's smart, she figured it out. When we got our nerve up, took her again, and she hasn't so much as whined about getting in the cart.
We have a smaller store I like to take her to, if I have someone with me, she can walk with us. Eating out can be tricky, we try to go when not busy, we like a booth and crowd her in the middle.
When they outgrow the strollers and highchairs, it gets complicated! My life hasn't been the same since she figured out how to get out of play pen- and she loved that WAY longer than any other kid I had! Lol
Sally was hard to keep in the damn front yard! Takes off running- I'm 44 and in NO shape to be 'sprinting' after a 4 yro!
But...hubby said she was a wild child for being cooped up. So.....we've worked very hard with her, and I'm pleased to say that the child will stay in the yard! Its so much better! Sally has had less 'escapes' from the house, she's getting outside and enjoying herself.
School has help so much for her, not near as wild.
I completely understand. I have 2 teenage boys- its a group effort in taking just one little cute girl! Lol The mall? We gave up, just not for her!! Lol Movies is next on our list- when we think it will be almost empty! Lol
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 9:26 AM
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Our kids have a lot of unmanaged anxiety. Whether its due to sensory or ? You need to find a helpful way to manage his anxiety. By showing him visual pictures and talking about where ur going and what you'll do, some if the anxiety will diminish. Also letting him know its for "a little bit; and if he's not having fun, you guys can leave" ( has really helped my son.) in case it gets overwhelming- managing sounds, smells, chaos, people all is tough for them.

All these outings "take" from them. My sons Dr talked out how these are little "bites"... Little bites here and there- really wear them out ( sensorily, emotionally, physically). Maybe 3 errands is your sons max--- and after that you need to b flexible and take him home. Maybe you sit in the quiet car for an extra 5 minutes to "replenish" before you head in. Talk about how you need to get 5 quick things.-- then your getting back in the car.
Bring along a safety ( ipad, ds, book) for your child to " replenish in their world" in between being asked to " put it all out there."
Remember, when youve asked fir a lot in the morning- the afternoon needs to b quiet. Delicate balance of bites and replenish is necessary.

And really, dont push too hard after a busy time. Let all misdemeanors go. If he choses to act out a bit-- theres your tip off it was too much! It cant be a huge push-- it needs to b a slight stretch-- bit at a time--- acting out happens when we've missed the balance-- Lol.. Praise up and down fir the great job out. Positive experiences breed comfort out there in our world.
lucasmadre
by Kari on Jul. 28, 2013 at 9:46 AM
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I remember this stage, it is so hard. My son thankfully outgrew it but it took a while and I have to admit there was a time where I just stopped taking him places that he couldn't handle (like stores.) He enjoyed wide open spaces so parks and walks in the woods things like that worked but crowds never worked for him. 

Good news is he is 9 now and can pretty much handle any situation as long as I make it clear what it will be like. He has anxiety about new places but he gets through it and things are so much better so hang in there! For the time being maybe stick to thing that don't produce overload...like places with too much stimulation, bright lights, lots to look at, too many poeple.  Good luck, hope it gets better soon.

NatureMomof3
by Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Is he in therapy? Only after OT and ABA did it get better for my son. He was selectively mute and ABA helped with that and we learned from OT that most of his issues with the outside world (he never wanted to leave home) were sensory. For the grocery store, my son wears sound blocking headphones and sunglasses. Now that he reads, he also likes to mark things off the list.

Michelsm1331
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:29 PM
Yes he is in therapy. They helped a lot at home but we have not dipped into public outings. His dad gets stressed out a lot and has less patience for him than I do. I know kids throw tantrums but its still hard


Quoting NatureMomof3:

Is he in therapy? Only after OT and ABA did it get better for my son. He was selectively mute and ABA helped with that and we learned from OT that most of his issues with the outside world (he never wanted to leave home) were sensory. For the grocery store, my son wears sound blocking headphones and sunglasses. Now that he reads, he also likes to mark things off the list.




patnic
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:56 PM

I would try a few things.  

Social stories, schedule (that you can carry with you), start out small - get in car, ride to 7-11, walk in store, get bread, ride home.  For each picture give him a tic tac or a frito or a chip.  Show him 5 chips = favorite ice cream or movie or tickle time.  

Try headphones, try sunglasses.  The lights or sounds might be too much for him.  Try chewing gum.  Try games on your phone or an ipad to distract him



TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Jul. 28, 2013 at 4:13 PM

 We've always done our best to avoid places he'll hate, but when that's impossible, my game plan is to do things quickly on my part with a promise for a treat after....a toy, candy bar, etc

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advancing
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 9:58 PM
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Hi!!

The best thing to remember is repetition and exposure will address your concerns; so taking him to out as much as possible, even though it can be dreadful and so hard :( , is the very best thing to do. My son used to end up in a basket hold at every outing but now at 13 he loves to go every where. One thing that you can do is create a board with green on one side and red on the other. Train your child to understand that red means not available and green means available. Start out by taking something reinforcing and giving it to him while the card (picture of preferred item) is on green and tell him " your toy is on green you can play with it" take a timer and have it set 5 seconds, put the card on red take the toy by saying " the card is on red next time" not start the timer for 5 seconds once the 5 seconds are done praise him "good job waiting!! the card is on green now you can have the toy" eventually you will build up the time of waiting and you can use this card for anything (like places). Visuals are so great!!

www.advancingabilitiesllc.com


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