Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Tantrums what do you do?

Posted by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM
  • 23 Replies
My son is almost 2 and he throws tantrums, I know his ot is teaching us how to handle the meltdowns the head banging self injuring meltdowns. By teaching him to stomp his feet and teaching me massage.

My question is what do you do when your child has a tantrum. Like when I tell my son no he can't have a popsicle, or no he can't take his shirt off in public. So he gets mad and screams and cries. Not a melt down just a I'm mad and i don't like tour decision. Should I ignore him? Do the 1-2-3 should I pick him up and massage him?

I will ask the OT when she comes back from vacation but I wanted to get real life mamas ideas to.

Thanks!
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 11:06 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
maciymommieof3
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I try it all and when all else fails...we would normally just leave the situtation...good luck

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Aug. 3, 2013 at 12:55 PM

Honestly it depends on the situation for us. If my son is hitting his head I just put my hand under his head but don't give any verbal. I don't want him to get a reaction out of me but don't want him to get hurt. This is what our ABA told us to do. He has stopped hitting his head on the floor now. In my sons case we noticed that before he would hit his head he would look at us to see if we were watching. If we turned the other way then he would move in front of us to try again. So it was more about getting a reaction out of us. As for taking the shirt off out in public. She pull the shirt back on and say shirt stays on and let him scream. I know that sounds horrible but it teaches him that you are acknowledging him not wanting it on but that he must keep it on. 

QueenCreole313
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 2:12 PM
We leave immediately and go home.
Macphee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 2:55 PM

monkeymama,

your ot's advice is only useful when his meltdowns are sensory related. this sounds behavioral. ds went through headbanging, if he is not bleeding, ignore, ignore, ignore. when you catch him not doing it, congratulate him and coach him on words to use.

It took 2 months of excessive tantrums and he stopped head banging and self-injuring. You know your kid, massages work when he is overstimulated or tired. This sounds defiant. We have problems with overlooking the regular kid behaviors too.

The thing about the shirt.... it might be sensory. DS hates the elastic on underwear, so we have to buy them 2 sizes bigger for him to comply.

lady_katie
by Silver Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 3:31 PM

My son just turned 2, and when he has a behavioral tantrum as opposed to a "meltdown", I ignore him until he starts to calm down, and then I start to redirect him or offer his ipad for communication. I want him to learn that behavioral tantrums get him no where. If he self injures during a tantrum, I intervene while maintaining the "ignoring" as best as possible. 

I do the 1-2-3 thing when he is clearly disobeying me. For example: he knows not to climb on the table. If he climbs on the table, I will take him down and remind him that he's not allowed to do that just incase he really did forget or had some trouble controling his impulse for some reason. Then I will remove him two more times, while increasing the seriousness of my voice. If he does it a third time, he'll get a time out. I make him sit in the same spot for 2 minutes, and every time he get's up the timer starts over. That's what Nanny 911 said to do! lol Then I give him a hug and help him recover from being upset over it. 

When he has a melt down, that's usually my cue that something needs to change. We either have to leave, or take a nap, or eat, or whatever. I control those with highly desirable snacks mostly. I reserve them for melt downs, so he becomes so interested when he is presented with one that he focuses a lot of his attention on it and calms down until I can fix whatever is causing the melt down in the first place. 

Monkeymama930
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 4:49 PM
That's my issue there is a difference atleast it seems in my son between meltdowns and tantrums. His meltdowns come from when there's to many people or the therapist ask him to do something he can't and he gets frustrated etc. then there are these tantrums over the normal little things no you can't have pie for dinner no you can't stay up later no you can't have that toy from the store. He gets mad he cries then screams. And I didn't know what to do. Becus the OT said you never punish a meltdown. But is giving a massage and not punishing letting him get away with these tantrums.

I would like to so the 1-2-3 then the nanny time out I like her methods I use her bed time routine. But this is my frist baby and I don't want to hurt him or set him back.


Quoting lady_katie:

My son just turned 2, and when he has a behavioral tantrum as opposed to a "meltdown", I ignore him until he starts to calm down, and then I start to redirect him or offer his ipad for communication. I want him to learn that behavioral tantrums get him no where. If he self injures during a tantrum, I intervene while maintaining the "ignoring" as best as possible. 

I do the 1-2-3 thing when he is clearly disobeying me. For example: he knows not to climb on the table. If he climbs on the table, I will take him down and remind him that he's not allowed to do that just incase he really did forget or had some trouble controling his impulse for some reason. Then I will remove him two more times, while increasing the seriousness of my voice. If he does it a third time, he'll get a time out. I make him sit in the same spot for 2 minutes, and every time he get's up the timer starts over. That's what Nanny 911 said to do! lol Then I give him a hug and help him recover from being upset over it. 

When he has a melt down, that's usually my cue that something needs to change. We either have to leave, or take a nap, or eat, or whatever. I control those with highly desirable snacks mostly. I reserve them for melt downs, so he becomes so interested when he is presented with one that he focuses a lot of his attention on it and calms down until I can fix whatever is causing the melt down in the first place. 


Monkeymama930
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 4:53 PM
The tantrums are from being told no the usual kid stuff no dessert for dinner no stayin up late no hitting the dog etc. He does not like being told no. And when he hears it look out. He starts crying then yelling.

I want to start letting him know this is not ok, time out or ignoring. But I don't want to set him back.


Quoting Macphee:

monkeymama,


your ot's advice is only useful when his meltdowns are sensory related. this sounds behavioral. ds went through headbanging, if he is not bleeding, ignore, ignore, ignore. when you catch him not doing it, congratulate him and coach him on words to use.


It took 2 months of excessive tantrums and he stopped head banging and self-injuring. You know your kid, massages work when he is overstimulated or tired. This sounds defiant. We have problems with overlooking the regular kid behaviors too.


The thing about the shirt.... it might be sensory. DS hates the elastic on underwear, so we have to buy them 2 sizes bigger for him to comply.


Monkeymama930
by on Aug. 3, 2013 at 4:58 PM
The OT wants us to pick him up and stomp his feet then give him massage. I am fine with this.
But with the tantrums I don't want to do anything that's going to encourage more tantrums. So I would be fine with ignoring the tantrums!


Quoting JTMOM422:

Honestly it depends on the situation for us. If my son is hitting his head I just put my hand under his head but don't give any verbal. I don't want him to get a reaction out of me but don't want him to get hurt. This is what our ABA told us to do. He has stopped hitting his head on the floor now. In my sons case we noticed that before he would hit his head he would look at us to see if we were watching. If we turned the other way then he would move in front of us to try again. So it was more about getting a reaction out of us. As for taking the shirt off out in public. She pull the shirt back on and say shirt stays on and let him scream. I know that sounds horrible but it teaches him that you are acknowledging him not wanting it on but that he must keep it on. 


SAMI_JO
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 7:08 PM

 Try distracting him with something that he really likes. If you can "train" him to think of something else, at an early age, then you may not be in the hell I'm in now.

Macphee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 9:47 PM

 Monkeymama,

You won't set him back. You're teaching him consequences and boundaries. You know, there's something about the word no, especially at 2 that is very combative. My boys (who are both hardheaded, one developed on time and one autistic)... same scenario... anyway. They responded better when I gave them alternatives. I agree with you on desserts and staying up late, but maybe you could give him something to look forward to instead. Parents make their own rules.

When my boys ask for dessert, I suggest having chocolate milk in the morning or fruit/yogurt tomorrow. Simple alternatives. Staying up late, I would have to trick them into believing they had a choice. I would tell them that I can put them to bed myself, or they could go and play with toys. I would allow them play time with dim lights. They stay in their room at bedtime, though maybe not sleeping. Ultimately they're doing what I'm saying, I just gave them an "or."

I hope that this doesn't sound annoying, but its a good thing that he's defying you. He's testing the boundaries, this is an awesome social step as a 2 year old.

Quoting Monkeymama930:

The tantrums are from being told no the usual kid stuff no dessert for dinner no stayin up late no hitting the dog etc. He does not like being told no. And when he hears it look out. He starts crying then yelling.

I want to start letting him know this is not ok, time out or ignoring. But I don't want to set him back.


Quoting Macphee:

monkeymama,


your ot's advice is only useful when his meltdowns are sensory related. this sounds behavioral. ds went through headbanging, if he is not bleeding, ignore, ignore, ignore. when you catch him not doing it, congratulate him and coach him on words to use.


It took 2 months of excessive tantrums and he stopped head banging and self-injuring. You know your kid, massages work when he is overstimulated or tired. This sounds defiant. We have problems with overlooking the regular kid behaviors too.


The thing about the shirt.... it might be sensory. DS hates the elastic on underwear, so we have to buy them 2 sizes bigger for him to comply.



 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)