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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

summer break and back to school short vent

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 4:27 PM
  • 11 Replies

Hello ladies. My son is 5 and has signs of aspergers ("diagnosed" by the school psychologist not his doctor). His latest thing if he doesnt want to hear something, such as "listen to me" he responds "No I don't want listen! Listen is stupid and twisted up". He says this for any word, request or watever that he doesnt want to acknowledge at the time (like maybe he's playing). So that is very frustrating to me. He received speech three times a week during pre-k and really improved. Seems he regressed a little this summer? I mean he has these tantrums and says these things which I wouldnt think a 5 year old does. It's embarassing when he talks like that in front of other people. His back to school open house was today (he's in kindergarten). He freaked out there, on the way home and for a while at home about his new car rider number. I didnt know we could keep the same one from the previous semester so he has a new one. He called his number a "banana number" and I got the idea after a while that a "banana number" isnt a good thing lol. He's been very spacey today. And like last year I have a feeling he will cry and freak out the first week of school. I adore him. I am very open minded and aware of his sensitive needs. I rarely scold him because I know he is "different". Just had to vent ladies :/ any kind words??

by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Macphee
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 6:08 PM
All kids take time to adapt to new schedules. Two weeks, he'll be OK. D's dreads going back to school, but then he loves it. I'm nervous, because his teacher from last year moved.
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 7:41 PM

It's a transition time for everyone!  Don't feel so bad.  My son is 11 diagnosed aspergers and says things we know he doesn't mean.  When he does this around outsiders, it's soooo embarrassing.  He did this in a large group of parents and kids once at a hospital before a surgery.  It was a prep session for kids the day before their surgery so they would be more familiar and less scared the day of.  We had to leave it and we were absolutely mortified.  

Your son may transition much quicker this time to his school routine.  You'll be surprised how quick he transitions.  Hang in there:)


TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Aug. 5, 2013 at 7:50 PM

 My Dillon was the same way...I see regression in him also and going back is quite an adustment but eventually it becomes routine. I think that's what your son needs is just the routine again...remember, he's only 5! It's alot to get used to!So if he freaks out at first, that's ok! He wont be the only one!

Hugs, momma! School  is gonna be tough for this whole group I think..lol!

Owl_Feather
by Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 10:07 PM

 yes I am prepared for any hesitance during the first two weeks much like pre-k. And he isnt the only one. That's for sure. I know of a few kids from his class who are mortified about separation and will probably be the same way this year. I wish the school system slowed down a bit. They force so much on kids today! DS will be continuing his speech therapy and is excited about seeing the same teacher.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Aug. 6, 2013 at 7:10 AM

Hugs mama...these ladies have some great ideas!

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:17 AM

HUgs... having a difficult kid is hard. I really found the book the explosive child by ross greene super informative for how to deal with my son who is also HFA with possible aspie... (Im still a touch in denial! LOL) But yes, two of your comments "no I dont want to listen" and the banana number just rang soooo familiar. LOL..
Transitions are hard... but I will say, my HFA guy does great for 3 weeks.. THEN falls apart. Ha!

But seriously... Ive found some things that have really worked. 1.. I cant be rigid.
The more : "Listen to me", "Do this", "I said" , you know, those "Direct orders" the more resistant my son got. Our therapist pointed out that my rigidity was breeding rigidity in him... so I needed to be more "respectful and flexible" in my requests and tone... and eventually through my modeling and teaching my son would be more respectful and flexible. and holy moly did it work!! YES! 
My sons flexibility has gotten much better. He was VERY black and white in his thinking... very uch like "THIS" is my expectation of how THIS is supposed to go and any variance from that was an issue...
At this point (about 1.5 years later in this "new parenting") he can see other perspectives, remain calm, and is more "go with the flow" then he use to be.

Empathy. When my son is having a hard time with something I also model behavior. A hard time is dealing with his frustration tolerance (which is a pretty short fuse) all the way to a potential meltdown. I like to think that there are 2 things... "diffusing the fire"... by being empathetic, by maybe back pedaling.. "Wow, I can see you are having a really hard time with that. I had NO idea this would be so hard for you. Im sorry that you are struggling so... what can I do to help you?"

 

mypbandj
by Jen on Aug. 6, 2013 at 9:44 AM
I disagree with how you say you don't "scold" him because he is different. I think you are really doing him a great disservice by allowing him to do/say what he wants.

My son also has aspergers but that doesn't mean I allow him to act all crazy and get away with it. I don't mean I beat him or anything, in fact I don't even spank. But these kids need to be taught what is socially acceptable even more so than neuro typical kids. It's constant teaching and yes, occasional scolding. If you think this is hard when he is doing this at age 5, wait till he's 15 and bigger than you and worse! It's really time to try and learn some ways you can discipline (teach) him what is socially acceptable and what is not.
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Owl_Feather
by Member on Aug. 6, 2013 at 12:04 PM

 

Quoting mypbandj:

I disagree with how you say you don't "scold" him because he is different. I think you are really doing him a great disservice by allowing him to do/say what he wants.

My son also has aspergers but that doesn't mean I allow him to act all crazy and get away with it. I don't mean I beat him or anything, in fact I don't even spank. But these kids need to be taught what is socially acceptable even more so than neuro typical kids. It's constant teaching and yes, occasional scolding. If you think this is hard when he is doing this at age 5, wait till he's 15 and bigger than you and worse! It's really time to try and learn some ways you can discipline (teach) him what is socially acceptable and what is not.

 I dont let him say what he wants. I'm happy he says anything at all.

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Aug. 6, 2013 at 10:09 PM

I am sorry but I laughed so hard about the banana number. It was so cute to me. Have you thought about having him dx medically? School is hard enough for any child and when you add ASD it can be even harder. Change is not easy for our children. I would ask the school counselor once school starts if they have suggestions that might help

terri-553
by Bronze Member on Aug. 7, 2013 at 7:59 AM

Thomas (g/son)goes back to school on the 26th,It will take at least 3 weeks to get any sort or order for him,Even w/my other grands it isn;t easy,After all is summer right??Just hang in there,this to will pass.

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