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What's the difference....what do I do

Posted by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 8:33 AM
  • 21 Replies
My son Ryan will be 3yr in oct. lately more so than ever his tantrums are long, more frequent, more dramatic and longer. He's my only child til dec any ways. Well his tantrums are if I touch,cut, stir, not put his food a certain way. His looses it if I touch a toy out of its place. He will line up his toys. If they don't go exactly where they are supposed his a melt down. It just seems like everything has to be just so and on its place or god help me. Half the time I don't even know what I've done that has set him off. I usually hide the fact that I'm cutting his food or stirring something. But if he sees he won't eat it for 10-15min. He will just scream. So is it his autism? Is it him being 3. What's the diff. He's the only kid I know. What do I do? How long can a pregnant tired mom ignore this behavior I'm soo tired. It almost saddens me to see just how upset he will get if the horses all don't line up and face the same way. I want to help fix them so he breathes. Any advice or support is greatly appreciated.
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 8:33 AM
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Momof4AEMW
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 9:43 AM

My son does most of that, and it can be hard.  You don't know what is going through his mind to set him off or how to help him find a different way to react. It is loud, stressful, constant.  We have therapists/teachers working on it, but no great success yet.  We don't have ABA in our area, but i think they would help with this greatly.  Don't really have the best suggestions other than get him into behavior therapy if it is an option for you.  I sympathize though!

charley31
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Thank you...nice to know I'm not alone because I feel alone and tired right now. He's been in behavioral therapy since he was 10mo. She does ABA with him but obvisously he needs more.


Quoting Momof4AEMW:

My son does most of that, and it can be hard.  You don't know what is going through his mind to set him off or how to help him find a different way to react. It is loud, stressful, constant.  We have therapists/teachers working on it, but no great success yet.  We don't have ABA in our area, but i think they would help with this greatly.  Don't really have the best suggestions other than get him into behavior therapy if it is an option for you.  I sympathize though!


wildchild.com
by Janine on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Hugs mama your not alone! My son has to have things a certain way too or he has a melt down. I would go with the above advise...
charley31
by Bronze Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:20 AM
Thanks. Again not being alone helps. So I assume its autism behavior that has him freaking out. I just don't know what to do. I ask him what do you want, breathe, etc. nothing helps.


Quoting wildchild.com:

Hugs mama your not alone! My son has to have things a certain way too or he has a melt down. I would go with the above advise...

maciymommieof3
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:28 AM
1 mom liked this

((hugs))


maciymommieof3
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:31 AM

It is so hard at times.....but I have learned to roll w/them and do it their way.

lucasmadre
by Kari on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

The good news I can share is that my son was like that when he was Ryan's age and now he has gotten much better at being flexible. I have worked with him to try new things and new ways of doing things and given him plenty of insentives to do so. It is a fine line, you don't want them running the show but you don't want them miserable either. It sounds like it is his way of feeling like he has control over his world so maybe if you give him more choices it could help. I always let my son be a part deciding about little things but reminded him that the big things are for moms and dads to decide. I also told him constantly that he was safe and cared for and that nothing bad was going to happen even if things didn't go exactly like we planned. I showed him how it was fun to mix things (like in cooking) and nothing bad happened. Sorry it is feeling so overwhelming. I remember crying when my son was this age...A LOT! Plus you have a baby on the way and that doesn't make it any easier. Don't give up hope and don't forget who is in charge (as hard as that is some days.) 

kajira
by Emma on Aug. 18, 2013 at 4:37 PM
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It's more an OCD thing, that can be part of autism.... I would try to accomodate him as much as you can, but also expect him to start communicating with you to the best of his abiltiy "why" and "what's wrong" and "what can we do to fix it." Make him an active part of fixign the stuff that bothers him. Screaming should never (in my opinion as an autistic person) get him his way. If he learns or understands screaming works to get what he wants, it may be an impossible cycle to break.

My son is 9.5 and he remembers that screaming worked once on grandma when he was like 3, and he still does it to this day, even though it doesn't work on us. let's just say I can understand and sympathize with your situation too.

You need to help him find a language to communicate what's going on - if he wants things to change, or for you to accomodate his needs, he has to be an active part in giving information so you can do that. As he gets older, it will get easier. He'll learn how to express himself in words.

Even a normal toddler will throw fits of frustration at this age when they don't get what they want, or aren't effectively communicating. It's just harder with autism because it takes them longer to mature, and communicate in an appropriate fashion... which frustrates THEM as much as it does you.

No one likes to feel out of control and like their whole world is miserable.... no matter what you do in your environment.

All I can say is don't take it personal, and try to reason with him. When he's out of control, as long as he's not hurting himself, move him to a place to finish his freak out until he can regain enough control to participate again.

It does get easier as he gets older.

KatyTylersMom
by Silver Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 4:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I completely agree with Kajira.  If he's 3 then maybe involve him in the meal/food preparation, and if he doesn't want his food cut or stirred then that's his problem to deal with when he goes to eat it.  But maybe have him up on a chair, hand him a (dull) knife and let him try to cut it with your help, or if he doesn't want to then BAM just hand him the food and let him deal with it.  Then if he CAN'T eat it and needs help you can say "oh well what should we do?  Should we CUT the food so you can eat it?  Yes? Ok let's go do it you and me."

In terms of him freaking out if you move his stuff that's fine too BUT he must have the things in a certain area, say on his windowsill in his room or something.  If he lines them up on the floor in the living room then guess what?  They'll have to get picked up.  So when he starts to get the cars all lined up remind him "oh if you want cars to stay in a line go put them on your windowsill place - if they stay here on the floor we'll clean them up in 15 mintues" and then BAM timer set, on his level, where he can see it, timer goes off and you make HIM clean the cars up. 

bigmama423
by Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 5:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I think these are some very good suggestions.
Have you brought your concerns up with his therapist? They might be able to give you some advice as well.
Good luck & hang in there mama!


Quoting KatyTylersMom:

I completely agree with Kajira.  If he's 3 then maybe involve him in the meal/food preparation, and if he doesn't want his food cut or stirred then that's his problem to deal with when he goes to eat it.  But maybe have him up on a chair, hand him a (dull) knife and let him try to cut it with your help, or if he doesn't want to then BAM just hand him the food and let him deal with it.  Then if he CAN'T eat it and needs help you can say "oh well what should we do?  Should we CUT the food so you can eat it?  Yes? Ok let's go do it you and me."

In terms of him freaking out if you move his stuff that's fine too BUT he must have the things in a certain area, say on his windowsill in his room or something.  If he lines them up on the floor in the living room then guess what?  They'll have to get picked up.  So when he starts to get the cars all lined up remind him "oh if you want cars to stay in a line go put them on your windowsill place - if they stay here on the floor we'll clean them up in 15 mintues" and then BAM timer set, on his level, where he can see it, timer goes off and you make HIM clean the cars up. 

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