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Posted by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:33 AM
  • 8 Replies
Do any of you have a hard time when playing with your other children and your asd kid is just stuck in his world and won't interact? I have a constant battle with this! I find myself not even enjoying anything anymore because of my worry for my son! I watch my 9 month old chase her asd brother around to play with him and he gets up and runs from her every time. Then I catch her doing things he does and worry that she might think this is how you play. I can't take my kids outside by myself because we don't have a fenced in yard and my son runs to the road and I can't leave my 9month old by herself while trying to catch him! My 3year old constantly asks me to play and every time I sit down with him I have to get up to get my2year old(asd) from trashing the house.I just don't know what to do any more and feel like I'm falling apart.
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:33 AM
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by Kari on Aug. 20, 2013 at 7:41 AM

It is so hard when they are young. I remember that time (my son is 9 now.) It does get easier in many ways. Taking care of three young kids is an impossible task, then ad an ASD to the mix and it is going to be crazy for a while. Maybe you can get some help? If not from family and friends then there may be some services available in your area. If you had another adult even once in a while you could spend the time with each child you so desperately would like to.

Everything you are feeling is so normal. You also need ME time away from all of the kids if you can get it. There is no way to do what you are doing without loosing your cool once in a while. See if you can find some help...try and take care of yourself when you can.  XO

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Yes I'm looking for some help ;-) I'm trying to get my 3year old into headstart and my 2year old into aba. I don't get many brakes at all and I know this is part of my problem. I only trust my asd kid with 2 people! So that makes it even harder to find a brake. I'm doing biomedical with my son and it's so hard! I have to stay up late to read up on his diet and other treatment the get up early and watch the kids. my husband keeps telling me I need to chill out on the research but I just can't! Every time I feed him I think I'm poisoning him and making him worse because he won't eat the food on the scd diet.this is literally driving me crazy! Lol my husband and I are going to try and find a sitter this weekend for my birthday so hopefully I can just chill out for a couple of hours ;-) I think that's what I need! Time to regroup myself! Thanks for listening :-)
by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:12 AM

it is hard...  ((((hugs))))

by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:46 AM

have you looked into respite care? Someone who is trained to work with people with special needs comes to your house to give you a break. This person will sit with your son while you take the other two kids out to maybe a park or shopping. You could even stay in the house and just play with the other 2 kids while the respite worker stays with your son. I think you have to call medicaid for the information to see if you qualify.

by Platinum Member on Aug. 20, 2013 at 9:30 AM

In many ways it is like that in my house.  I have almost 5 year old triplets, but with their developmental delays it is like having a non-verbal 1-2 year old, 2-3 year old (ASD), and 4 year old.  There are a lot of things we can't do together because developmentally or emotionally they are not all there, but you can also find things everyone can do.  If you are able, get a fence so you can go outside.  We did not have one until last year and like you, I could not take my little ones outside even if big brother went out to help.  I really needed 2 full adults.  But there were some parks in my area I could drive them to that were fenced in parks so they could still go outside and play.  Even if they didn't play together so to speak, there was something for everyone to play on and be happy. 

I also do 'quiet' time in the afternoon after lunch.  It use to be nap time but they don't really nap anymore.  They each have to go to their rooms, one in the toy room as the girls share rooms.  And everyone has to play quietly for a couple of hours, if they nap great.  I'll go spend some quality time with each child giving them some personal attention.  And just having them separated gives me a little sanity back with the noise level going down and sibling squabbling stopping for a while.  You could also spend some of this time doing your research or something for you.

When we are all together playing, I'm at the point I don't really push my ASD child to join in.  If I let him just go do his own thing and co-exist in the room, he often comes over at some point to check out what we are doing.  Even if he doesn't participate.  Often I'll do activities in a room with a door, like one of their rooms or the toy room instead of the main room of the house.  That way no one can wonder off and I have to go chase.

Don't know if any of that will work for you, but works for us most of the time. Just keep trying new things and at some point you will find what works for you.  Your kids won't always be these ages, young toddlers need you for everything.  They will start outgrowing that and some things will ease up.  I think if you can get them services/therapies to help with their personal challenge that will help you too. Best of luck

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:26 AM
Thanks every one! I will look into all of this and see what is best for us ;-) thanks again!!!!
by Emma on Aug. 20, 2013 at 10:56 AM

i find it much easier to play with my daughter than my son. I know it's probably not fair, but I have nothing in common with my son when he was younger and he never played in ways I could copy or engage with.

My toddler daughter who's NT - does most of the engaging with me, drawing me into her world, I'm autistic and since she pushes me, I engage with her alot.

My son, I've tried playing video games and board games with him, but I find that we get frustrated with each other, he rages if he loses (he's a sore loser. LOL) and often gets bored in the middle of structured activity with me. He's got other stuff besides some mild autism tho.

I do well with structured, sit down activities, or having some direction on what my kids want to do, since my daughter will led, I can follow. My son expects me to do all his thinking for him, and let him win - which isn't really my thing..... LOL

I try to find ways to engage with him that isn't playing like I do my daughter. We talk about his school work, and bugs, and I try to get him to do sit ups with me, and walk around outside. nature walks, etc.

Things that are slightly less irritating then hearing him whine about how much he sucks at jenga and I should always let him win. LOL

by Darby on Aug. 20, 2013 at 3:57 PM

Hugs mama...I only have one child:)

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