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My Ex-Husband wants to exclude our daughter.

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Please excuse me while I vent!  

After 21 years of marriage, my ex had a doozy of a midlife crisis, complete with girlfriend half his age with big boobs.  Ditched me and took up with her.  We have joint custody of our kids but they live with me.  It's been almost five years since our divorce.  He is married to the girlfriend (our kids found out about it on Facebook) and has two toddlers.  He rarely ever sees our children, about once every three months, even though he lives in the same town.

Our eldest is on her own with a baby of her own.  Our 17 year old daughter is severely autistic and we have a 12 year old girl as well.  Our autistic daughter is in a program during the summer that leaves her with two weeks off in June and two weeks off in August.  He KNOWS this.

She has always enjoyed camping, with with me or her dad.  So imagine how I felt when he texted me and asked what our youngest was doing during a certain week.  I replied that she had appointments and school registration.  When he asked if they could be rescheduled, I asked why.  He said he wanted to take her camping with them.  When I asked about our OTHER daughter who does NOT have school that week, his answer was that he thought our youngest "could use a break" from her sister!!  I was livid!  Our youngest not see her any more during the summer than the rest of the school year.  The lie was just so pathetic!

I flatly told him that, NO, I cannot reschedule the appointments and that registration is one day only.  I then told him that BOTH girls will be available for camping the following week.  His reply was something along the lines of, "oh I guess I can't spend time with her then" and designed to make me feel guilty!  

So, keeping in mind that I am EVER polite (mostly), what are your thoughts?

by on Aug. 20, 2013 at 8:57 PM
Replies (21-30):
by Terri on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Shame on him,what a jack-a##.he has 2girls at home take both or none,Sounds better if neither go.

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:13 AM
1 mom liked this

Ugh, sorry you have to deal with such an a$$. 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:15 AM

I don't think I would want my daughter that is autistic to go with him if he didn't want to take her, because how do you know how he will treat her while she is there?  I would ask him why he does not want to take both of the girls, and explain that both of the girls need him.  See what he says, and leave the guilt trip on him.

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:31 AM
2 moms liked this

 I agree with this...

Your husband is a giant piece of shit, for cheating on you and taking up with his homewrecking whore.

My youngest daughter (3 years old) is autistic.  My 10 year old daughter is neuro-typical and she needs breaks, away from the house, away from her little sister.  She needs one on one time with my husband, myself, and her grandmother.  once or twice a week I take her out, just her and I, her father takes her out and my mom picks her up and takes her to lunch, just the two of them.  Living with an autistic sibling is hard, stressful and can leave a neuro-typical child feeling neglected and left behind.  I think it's extremely important for the siblings of autistic children to have away time.

Quoting JP-StrongForTwo:

I do think he is a jerk. 


But I was wondering as i read this, is it possible your 12 year old talked to her dad about needing a break from her sister?

I would talk to your 12 year old, (is she typical? or ASD as well) and see if she may be feeling overwhelmed and reached out to her dad. 


by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:54 PM

I haven't specifically asked my 12 year old if she talked to her dad because she doens't know about his camping trip.  The dates he was asking to have her overlapped with the dates that I plan on taking my girls to a friend's cottage -  not mention the various appointments she has - so she wouldn't be able to go anyway. 

But I kind of doubt she had said anything other than maybe complaining that he makes her take care of her sister: that is, she gets her dressed in the mornings, gives her her meds, etc.  Personally, I feel her dad or step-mom should be taking care of the everyday things like this so I'm not accepting that as a reason to exclude our autistic daughter.  After all, their two toddlers require more care than she does!  She can feed herself, go to the bathroom, occupy herself with a puzzle or book, etc.

And don't forget that my 12 year old hardly ever sees him to complain to him.  He doesn't call her.

I TOTALLY agree that my autistic child would be better off without him and his half-hearted attempts at being a dad.  But his IS still around.  It's not as if she would never see him if he didn't take her for visits because we live in the same town.

by Silver Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:35 PM

He's an ass!

CafeMom Tickers
by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 10:31 AM

oh im sorry he doesnt deserve them

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Im going to be unpopular...Maybe she asked to be taken to get away from her sounds like you may be a tad bit husband left me for a older women I drove him to the have enough on your plate then to worry about barbie (new wife) Maybe he cant handle your autistic child so what if he wants to take one and not the her a break and you have time with your older daughter for mommie and me time..just a thought

by on Aug. 26, 2013 at 5:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, its over and done.  Not only did he go camping without the two girls still living with me, he never bothered to invite out adult daughter, even though this was a extended family outing.

I spoke to his mother about this - I have a great relationship with her - and she's not real thrilled with him either.  It turns out that his two little 'angels' aren't as angelic as his wife is always claiming.

As for my 12 year old, I have told her repeatedly that any time she wants to see her dad, she can call him directly and they can get together.  To those who think she might have asked for time without her sister, please understand that I VALUE your imput - I did ask for it!  But that her asking for time alone with her dad just didn't happen. :( Very sad, if you ask me.  Every child should have a good relationship with their dad.  Fortunately, MY dad has stepped up to the plate.  He spends a lot of time with my girls.

by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 12:04 AM

I think there are two sides to every story and we need to here dad's side before we judge him. Sounds to me like mom is jealous and needs to tell the whole truth about the whole situation. I can speak from experiance on this my ex daughter in law started a bunch of lies about my son to keep him from seeing his kids. Now she tells everyone it is his fault he dosen't see the kids when it is really hers. Don't always belive the mother they are worse liars sometimes.

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