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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

how do i get my son to do anything

Posted by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:41 PM
  • 13 Replies

i really am at my threshold for patience here. logan is 6. he seems to just not do anything we ask him to do. when it is time to get ready in the morning...its an hour long of me telling him over and over to get dressed, brush his teeth, etc. i cant leave him alone because then he really doesnt do it. when i stay by him he still finds other things to do.....sometimes he'll just stand there. he seems really defiant right now. i know that two weeks after school ended he started regressing on his skills he mastered at school and home ( like using the toilet). his behavior has gone downhill all summer. with school starting again we are spending this week practicing getting ready. holy cow this has been a night mare. he just wont do anything we ask tell say or want him to do. this is not just this week it has been all summer, but more frustrating this week since school starts on tues and he has a bus to catch in the a.m. it seems like nothing lures this kid. we've tried handing out punishments, taking privileges, giving praise and prizes for getting dressed cooperatively, giving a goal of do it for X days get this toy you want and nothing seems to motivate him to obey. he wont change his clothes on his own so i stand in his room and keep him on task, well now he is defiantly telling us to go away and he will do it...and yet 20 min later.,... still no further along than when we left. nothing gets to this kid. not punishment or reward. what can i try or implement that has worked for you?  im soooo frazzled and angry inside. do you ever just think i hate my life for a second?

by on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 9:53 PM

Sorry!  There were times when I put all my sons items that distracted him out of view.  I would unplug TV's, phones or whatever he gravitated to.  Sometimes it seems nothing works then, one beautiful day the battle is over and on to the next issue......(Sometimes I find things that were hidden LOL)

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Aug. 28, 2013 at 10:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Have u talked to him to ask him what would help him?
Maybe a check list - very detailed-
Take off Pjs, put on daytime shirt, clean undies, pants..all the way thru teeth-.
When he has gone thru the checklist in his room- could uou guys figure out what hed like to do with the orher 45 minutes in the am? Lol
Like - when your done with getting dressed could there b a preferred activity (legis) for time until bus?
This is just my idea- it may not work for him- but maybe he has some ideas on what will work for him--

Perhaps he just doesn't know where to start- gets mentally side tracked- the check list may help guide him? But again-- try his suggestions- even if they are silly- but once you get dialogue going about whats getting in his way- why he cant complete the tasks... Then together you can find what works for u both...

Id also suggest ( as I always do) reading ross greenes book the explosive child- he gives such a warm, loving approach to working with difficult kids... And so counterintuitive to what we are raised to believe good parenting to b.

Wishing you all the besr.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Aug. 29, 2013 at 4:39 AM

I'm sorry mama...is he in therapy of any kind?

beinghuman
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 1:52 PM

Paint the back porch red

HopeAlive
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:31 PM

Aww, I'm so sorry! I can definitely hear your frustration, mama. What kinds of punishments have you tried as a way of discipline?  

SandyLaxner
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:45 PM

checklists,"First/Then".  I have a 6yo DS ASD also.  I think that getting back to school is a big change for them and almost anything can happen:)

emarin77
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 4:49 PM

My son had this problem to at age 3-4.  We started using positive reinforcement and he receives stickers when behaving correctly and at the end of the week we go to McDonalds to celebrate his accomplishment.  He is 5 now and doing very well with his behaviors now.

If he doesn't listen after 3 times of asking he gets a strike that can effect if he goes to McDonalds at the end of the week.  If he continues not to listen we take his toys away or he is not able to go the movies or any other special event that will occur in the near future.  You have to be consistant with these rules or they will not work for your child.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 9:58 PM


Just curious.. What do you do when your son can NOT do what your asking? 

For exapmle--- My son sometimes needs to stay home. The world just TAKES from him... And he cant go to the store, or do something I want him to do... It isnt really his choice.., he is just "done".... And he will refuse (thus in our world, earning a strike?)  Honestly, I mean no disrespect in my question, I just am wondering how to make this work for us knowing that my son " does what he can"... And when he cant cause he is overloaded/ overwhelmed ---- wont he feel a sence of injustice or unfairness in getting a strike? Wont this lessen thepositive reinforcement   into a negative based on his being "unable" to meet the demand? 

Honestly, again, Im not trying to be difficult.. Im just trying to understand and learn and help my kid... I like what you have to say.. But Im wondering How to make it work. 

Quoting emarin77:

My son had this problem to at age 3-4.  We started using positive reinforcement and he receives stickers when behaving correctly and at the end of the week we go to McDonalds to celebrate his accomplishment.  He is 5 now and doing very well with his behaviors now.

If he doesn't listen after 3 times of asking he gets a strike that can effect if he goes to McDonalds at the end of the week.  If he continues not to listen we take his toys away or he is not able to go the movies or any other special event that will occur in the near future.  You have to be consistant with these rules or they will not work for your child.



angelgriffin
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:02 PM

Hi, Lovinlogan, I'm Angel

I'm so sorry about your frustration. I highly recommend this video for you. You'll see what I mean about how it fits like a glove in terms of the issues you brought up.    If the video insertion didn't work, hit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SC3LeEg_8TQ&feature=player_embedded#action=share.  After you've watched it, you can contact me through my website, which has personal contact info on one of the pages. www.angelgriffin.com I would need more information about Logan's regression, what you've been told by various professionals, etc., to advise you personally.

angelgriffin
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 11:03 PM

BUMP!

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