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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

my mistake?

Posted by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 2:36 PM
  • 31 Replies

So Sam is 7. School takes a lot from him. Yesterday was day 3 of school.
I know that he finds the day draining... I like to think of him as a battery. School just runs him to the very end. So at the end of the school day, I typically pick him up from school and let him play until 530ish when we tackle homework (not an issue) and eat dinner... and then 8:30 is bed.

But yesterday, I had an appointment. I didnt want to cancel. I tried to get a babysitter (someone to come hang out here at his house, with his toys) but no one could come of the 3 I use. Chatting with my sons BFF, she agreed Sam could go there for the 2 hours. GREAT.

Well, if Sam is a battery.. and school drains him.. the playdate might be tough.. but he did good.

BUT this morning, he refused to go to school. I spent a 1.5 hours trying to work with him. Trying to understand why school is so hard. What we can do to make it easier. How I can help. We even went to see his psychologist... who gleaned some info. School day is too long. He feels lonley. He has no friends in his class/lunch/recess this year. and he loves the academic peice of school.

I called the school psychologist who is going to work with him and a few boys to make freinds so he doesnt feel alone.

after he was home for 1.5 hours he agreed to go to school. His teacher just called to let me know he had a good day.

But, here is where Im thinking my mistake was... I shouldnt have gone to appointment right?

school, play, school... too much.

by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 2:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
aidensmomma508
by Wendy on Sep. 10, 2013 at 2:48 PM
4 moms liked this

I think sometimes life happens you have appointments you have just maybe something is off the routine then it mix him up but that is normal a very normal thing in life changes happen so I think it's good you went. Obviously I wouldn't make an appointment at that time on purpose but that was more then ok to go.  

Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 2:56 PM
2 moms liked this

I agree with above, life happens and sometimes it's a must that our kids' days will get disrupted.  That too is a part of life, managing those obstacles.  It's a learning lesson for him too.  Sadly we mom's can't control everything in life and set the ideal environment all the time....these things are gonna happen from time to time.  You guys survived it in a short window of time too!  Way to go:)

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 3:08 PM

I don't know, but I think you just answered your birthday question.  At least about taking in the treats and such at school.  If he is not feeling like he has friends, he probably does not want the attention. 

Hope the psychologist can help

kajira
by Emma on Sep. 10, 2013 at 3:34 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that it was a good life lesson for him. He needs to communicate with you the best he can, which he did, you also need to be able to live your life, and go about your business, and you won't always be there to baby him when things are tough.

Little things like this, are good practice for bigger obstacles later in life. You need to be able to go about oyur business with out revovling every moment of every day around him - that is valuable for him too. It's good he can communicate, and try to compromise with you. These situations put those coping skills to the test, and with out htem, he wouldn't get to practice what he learns.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Yeah... Maybe. He has 7 friends. 5 at his school. 2 from nearby school... All 5 friends have the other lunchtime- other recess! Poor guy.



Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I don't know, but I think you just answered your birthday question.  At least about taking in the treats and such at school.  If he is not feeling like he has friends, he probably does not want the attention. 


Hope the psychologist can help


SamMom912
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 

You think I babied him? (said unaccusingly, more of shock and surprise)

I see in Sam his rigid and concrete interpretations of information that makes relating to others so difficult. I think it was you who eluded to and reinforced for me that school requires flexibility of thought, being able to adapt to the schedule of others and a whole host of sensory issues that make his school day 'too long' for him. You've mentioned school being hard for you in HS... when our tolerance has grown.... (but yes, the stakes are higher)

If I understand that something is too demanding how do I not make the occassional accomodation to allow him extra breathing time. Isnt that just what he needed?

Its so funny to me that you consider this babying him....  at 7 if he cant hack a full day, what do I do. Do you think this is something I have the ability to force? (again, not said with derision... but a serious question)

Quoting kajira:

I think that it was a good life lesson for him. He needs to communicate with you the best he can, which he did, you also need to be able to live your life, and go about your business, and you won't always be there to baby him when things are tough.

Little things like this, are good practice for bigger obstacles later in life. You need to be able to go about oyur business with out revovling every moment of every day around him - that is valuable for him too. It's good he can communicate, and try to compromise with you. These situations put those coping skills to the test, and with out htem, he wouldn't get to practice what he learns.


 

kajira
by Emma on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:29 PM

No, what I am saying is that in life, you won't always be there to protect him, or to accomodate him. I use the words in the literal sense, of he's your baby... so you want to protect him and make things easier for him.

It's not always a bad thing - but I was speaking generically about you not always being able to do that... in this situation, I think you did the right thing. Yes, it was stressful, but you and he handled it fine. He was able to communicate with you. If he hadn't been pushed, or even put in that situation, it may have taken a lot longer for issues to come out or for him to mention it.

Being under pressure or stress is not always a bad thing. If you never push, you can't grow as much.

Quoting SamMom912:


You think I babied him? (said unaccusingly, more of shock and surprise)

I see in Sam his rigid and concrete interpretations of information that makes relating to others so difficult. I think it was you who eluded to and reinforced for me that school requires flexibility of thought, being able to adapt to the schedule of others and a whole host of sensory issues that make his school day 'too long' for him. You've mentioned school being hard for you in HS... when our tolerance has grown.... (but yes, the stakes are higher)

If I understand that something is too demanding how do I not make the occassional accomodation to allow him extra breathing time. Isnt that just what he needed?

Its so funny to me that you consider this babying him....  at 7 if he cant hack a full day, what do I do. Do you think this is something I have the ability to force? (again, not said with derision... but a serious question)

Quoting kajira:

I think that it was a good life lesson for him. He needs to communicate with you the best he can, which he did, you also need to be able to live your life, and go about your business, and you won't always be there to baby him when things are tough.

Little things like this, are good practice for bigger obstacles later in life. You need to be able to go about oyur business with out revovling every moment of every day around him - that is valuable for him too. It's good he can communicate, and try to compromise with you. These situations put those coping skills to the test, and with out htem, he wouldn't get to practice what he learns.




kajira
by Emma on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:32 PM

OH, and for what it's worth, when my son was under too much pressure, I'd let him take the occasional sick day to stay home and hang out with me when he needed a break. But, if my son hadn't *asked* for it, I wouldn't have thought he needed it. I'm just saying he was trying to communicate with you, and if he hadn't had the day he did, the outcome may have been different.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:56 PM

That stinks he got separated from all his buddies, but certainly could explain why he's kind of down now.  Could he do a party at home with those friends from school or just take in a favorite treat for his new class and kind of jump start some friendships.  Friends love treats! 

Quoting SamMom912:

Yeah... Maybe. He has 7 friends. 5 at his school. 2 from nearby school... All 5 friends have the other lunchtime- other recess! Poor guy.



Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I don't know, but I think you just answered your birthday question.  At least about taking in the treats and such at school.  If he is not feeling like he has friends, he probably does not want the attention. 


Hope the psychologist can help


 

Monkeymama930
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 5:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I run into this a lot with the kids I work with. It's hard to go the whole day. And it's hard when you feel alone.

Could you get him switched to be in more things with his friends. Since its not to far into school maybe he could change classes.

Also I have found some kids need a little extra time during the day to recharge. For the kids I work with that ranges from a nap to 30mins in the library to just sit and read.

Hope it gets better!

And to answer your question sometimes life comes up. An things happen I don't think you did anything wrong.
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