Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Hitting....UPDATE on pg 2

Posted by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:14 PM
  • 22 Replies

Hitting is all Ryan seems to do to me. I feel like I could join a battered mom group. I'm 7mo pregnant and he will go right for my belly. I won't hit him. I've taken him to his drs and they all mentioned Meds and added ADHD to his diagnosis list. He will be 3yr in a month. I'm not doing meds...right now. He throws things at me, kicks, slaps, pinches etc to me. His dad gets it as does my mil but I get the most abuse obviously. I put him in time out. I've taken the advice of you moms and no improvement but I'm not giving up I will continue my time out for 3 min and explain why he's in time out. I'm just feeling done. I have sooo much I'm supposed to be doing. I'm applying for ssi and respite care. I've been applying for a grant for an iPad for him since I can't afford one. My mom came over as brought her iPad and for 40min Ryan smiled, looked at me and was happy. He was playing a matching game. My mom put an app on her iPad for him. I was so happy I cried lol. I have his iep meetings and drs appts. I work just 2 days but it's an exhausting job at the animal shelter. Oh not to mention I'm trying to prepare for this new little boy to come in 2 months. My dh is supportive but all of Ryan's therapies and all the research is on me. I feel like I'm failing Ryan. There's soo much to learn and soo many things he needs and I'm just falling behind I think. His aggression is worse daily and I'm honestly nervous how he will treat the baby as are his drs. I just get over whelmed telling drs how aggressive and angry my son is. It's exhausting just to talk about if that makes sense. Well I'm done for now complaining. Thanks for reading ladies. Just needed to vent I suppose.

by on Sep. 20, 2013 at 8:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
emarin77
by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 9:10 PM

Hitting is a part of Autism because they do not know the words to say when angry.  He doesn't need medication. When my son hits we put him in time out for 3 mins and teach him we do not hit we use our words, "I'm angry."  Then ask him at the end of time out why he is in timeout.  Repeat "We do not hit, we use our words."   We give a sticker to him if he uses his words and says "I'm angry."  Within a year my son when 3 started using his words and not hit.  You repeatedly have to teach this to him.  If he hits you give him the time out and also a strike (on paper).  If he receives so many stickers let him have a small award at the end of the week.  My son's is dinner at McDonald's on Saturday night while he plays in its playpark.   My son has been doing much better using his words after 2 years of us teaching him.

I suggest you have a child psychologist work with your son.  They correctly diagnose and can give you advice on how to disapline and care for your child.

 

NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
It really is overwhelming and I feel the same way sometimes, but just remember you're doing the best you can. I have to remind myself of that fact all the time. Although it seems like it, you're not alone.... Prayers to you and your family And don't forget how important it is for you to take care of yourself as well. Hugs!!!
charley31
by Bronze Member on Sep. 20, 2013 at 9:22 PM
Thank you very much. Dh and I have been very consistent with time out and how we explain to Ryan why he's in time out etc for the past few weeks thanks to the help of you ladies. I did the sticker thing and he just didn't get it and he became so angry if anyone even looked at his sticker board which was weird. But when he was good I'd give a sticker and he would flip if I touched the board so that had to stop. His Dev mental ped and a neuropsychologist mentioned meds. I'm seeing another dr soon but dh and I agree no meds. I do tell him no hitting....use your words etc. I'm hoping he starts to improve because I'm exhausted. Thanks for the advice and support


Quoting emarin77:

Hitting is a part of Autism because they do not know the words to say when angry.  He doesn't need medication. When my son hits we put him in time out for 3 mins and teach him we do not hit we use our words, "I'm angry."  Then ask him at the end of time out why he is in timeout.  Repeat "We do not hit, we use our words."   We give a sticker to him if he uses his words and says "I'm angry."  Within a year my son when 3 started using his words and not hit.  You repeatedly have to teach this to him.  If he hits you give him the time out and also a strike (on paper).  If he receives so many stickers let him have a small award at the end of the week.  My son's is dinner at McDonald's on Saturday night while he plays in its playpark.   My son has been doing much better using his words after 2 years of us teaching him.


I suggest you have a child psychologist work with your son.  They correctly diagnose and can give you advice on how to disapline and care for your child.


 


emarin77
by Silver Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 6:35 PM

 

Maybe stickers are not his thing.  I would ask him what he would like to receive instead.  All children like different things.

Quoting charley31:

Thank you very much. Dh and I have been very consistent with time out and how we explain to Ryan why he's in time out etc for the past few weeks thanks to the help of you ladies. I did the sticker thing and he just didn't get it and he became so angry if anyone even looked at his sticker board which was weird. But when he was good I'd give a sticker and he would flip if I touched the board so that had to stop. His Dev mental ped and a neuropsychologist mentioned meds. I'm seeing another dr soon but dh and I agree no meds. I do tell him no hitting....use your words etc. I'm hoping he starts to improve because I'm exhausted. Thanks for the advice and support


Quoting emarin77:

Hitting is a part of Autism because they do not know the words to say when angry.  He doesn't need medication. When my son hits we put him in time out for 3 mins and teach him we do not hit we use our words, "I'm angry."  Then ask him at the end of time out why he is in timeout.  Repeat "We do not hit, we use our words."   We give a sticker to him if he uses his words and says "I'm angry."  Within a year my son when 3 started using his words and not hit.  You repeatedly have to teach this to him.  If he hits you give him the time out and also a strike (on paper).  If he receives so many stickers let him have a small award at the end of the week.  My son's is dinner at McDonald's on Saturday night while he plays in its playpark.   My son has been doing much better using his words after 2 years of us teaching him.


I suggest you have a child psychologist work with your son.  They correctly diagnose and can give you advice on how to disapline and care for your child.


 



 

mypbandj
by Jen on Sep. 21, 2013 at 7:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Have you read the book Common Sense Parenting for Preschoolers and Toddlers? Or The Explosive Child? or Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Or Love and Logic.

Can he qualify for ABA?

Are you careful about how much attention you are giving him for his bad behavior?

And I know meds isn't what you want but if it's as severe as you say, maybe you should try it. Find out what med they want and how much, then just give him 1/2 the amount. Or 1/4 of the amount. And slowly slowly increase. Some kids are sensitive to meds so there is no need to start with a typical dose until you see how they react to a smaller dose.

And maybe as you read up on parenting skills, maybe even take a class, he can be slightly medicated to take the edge off while you still strive to modify his behavior thru therapies and parenting skills. All with the hope of taking him off the meds.

I don't think you're a bad mother at all, it's just that parenting is hard enough without challenging children and we all can use extra"tools" in our parenting bags. I'm constantly reading discipline books and taking classes for new tricks. Not every book or class is going to work 100% but the more you learn, the more tools or tricks you have and can use. And I especially worry about you with the new baby. I think trying some light meds while you work on some other things might be helpful right now.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Sep. 21, 2013 at 7:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs mama!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 8:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs mom.

Is he verbal?

Either way, I would do two things.

1) Something my dev pedi calls "Time-in"

Spend 1/2 hr with your son doing something he likes. No questions, no commands, no teaching. He might like pouring water out on the sidewalk for example. (My son loves to do this). My son runs around the playground and I run after him. He likes that too. During the whole time, I just spend it prasing him for what he is doing at the moment. "Good job pouring the water" "I like how you're running" etc.

2) Get an ABC chart. Antecedent, behavior, consequence. So the behavior is hitting. Every time he hits, write what happened immediately beforehand and write what happens immediately after.

I'll give you an example. My son, at around 2 yrs old, always came to me and hit me when I was working on the computer and not paying attention to him. That was the antecedent. Then I stopped what I was doing and I "addressed" the issue. Well, he got his attention.

Or... I was washing his hands and he grabbed the faucet, creating a big splash all over the counter. I said "Gabe!" and he went for scratching me. The antecedent was the whole faucet scenario and my voice. The behavior was the scratching. And the consequence was just more halabaloo on the issue. Hence the behavior is probably going to increase.

What to do about it is another page, but I think these are good starters.

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 8:11 PM

 


Quoting mypbandj:

Have you read the book Common Sense Parenting for Preschoolers and Toddlers? Or The Explosive Child? or Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Or Love and Logic.

Can he qualify for ABA?

Are you careful about how much attention you are giving him for his bad behavior?

And I know meds isn't what you want but if it's as severe as you say, maybe you should try it. Find out what med they want and how much, then just give him 1/2 the amount. Or 1/4 of the amount. And slowly slowly increase. Some kids are sensitive to meds so there is no need to start with a typical dose until you see how they react to a smaller dose.

And maybe as you read up on parenting skills, maybe even take a class, he can be slightly medicated to take the edge off while you still strive to modify his behavior thru therapies and parenting skills. All with the hope of taking him off the meds.

I don't think you're a bad mother at all, it's just that parenting is hard enough without challenging children and we all can use extra"tools" in our parenting bags. I'm constantly reading discipline books and taking classes for new tricks. Not every book or class is going to work 100% but the more you learn, the more tools or tricks you have and can use. And I especially worry about you with the new baby. I think trying some light meds while you work on some other things might be helpful right now.

I totally agree. I took one such parenting class and it was really relationship changing. I'm reading "The Explosive Child" rght now, but I think its more for older kids, not so much preschoolers.

Have you read Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Is it good?

What about Love and Logic? Sounds very interesting!

 

mypbandj
by Jen on Sep. 21, 2013 at 8:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Easy to Love, Difficult to Disciple is by Becky Baily. She is one of my favorites. Her approach is really brain related and she teaches you a new way to react to kids. I have seen Becky Baily in person at a conference and she is AMAZING!

Love and Logic is ok. I think it has some good principles but I think it needs to be paired with other strategies IMO.

The reason I always mention Common Sense Parenting first is because it so easy to read and get through. It's by far IMO the easiest book to read. And it's put together by the people at boys town in Nebraska.


Quoting MomOfOneCoolKid:

 




Quoting mypbandj:

Have you read the book Common Sense Parenting for Preschoolers and Toddlers? Or The Explosive Child? or Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Or Love and Logic.

Can he qualify for ABA?

Are you careful about how much attention you are giving him for his bad behavior?

And I know meds isn't what you want but if it's as severe as you say, maybe you should try it. Find out what med they want and how much, then just give him 1/2 the amount. Or 1/4 of the amount. And slowly slowly increase. Some kids are sensitive to meds so there is no need to start with a typical dose until you see how they react to a smaller dose.

And maybe as you read up on parenting skills, maybe even take a class, he can be slightly medicated to take the edge off while you still strive to modify his behavior thru therapies and parenting skills. All with the hope of taking him off the meds.

I don't think you're a bad mother at all, it's just that parenting is hard enough without challenging children and we all can use extra"tools" in our parenting bags. I'm constantly reading discipline books and taking classes for new tricks. Not every book or class is going to work 100% but the more you learn, the more tools or tricks you have and can use. And I especially worry about you with the new baby. I think trying some light meds while you work on some other things might be helpful right now.

I totally agree. I took one such parenting class and it was really relationship changing. I'm reading "The Explosive Child" rght now, but I think its more for older kids, not so much preschoolers.


Have you read Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Is it good?


What about Love and Logic? Sounds very interesting!


 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
charley31
by Bronze Member on Sep. 21, 2013 at 9:04 PM
Thank you for the advice and support. I'm going to several conferences and signing up for classes. It's all very over whelming right now but I'm trying my best. I will def look into those books. Thanks again.


Quoting mypbandj:

Have you read the book Common Sense Parenting for Preschoolers and Toddlers? Or The Explosive Child? or Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline? Or Love and Logic.



Can he qualify for ABA?



Are you careful about how much attention you are giving him for his bad behavior?



And I know meds isn't what you want but if it's as severe as you say, maybe you should try it. Find out what med they want and how much, then just give him 1/2 the amount. Or 1/4 of the amount. And slowly slowly increase. Some kids are sensitive to meds so there is no need to start with a typical dose until you see how they react to a smaller dose.



And maybe as you read up on parenting skills, maybe even take a class, he can be slightly medicated to take the edge off while you still strive to modify his behavior thru therapies and parenting skills. All with the hope of taking him off the meds.



I don't think you're a bad mother at all, it's just that parenting is hard enough without challenging children and we all can use extra"tools" in our parenting bags. I'm constantly reading discipline books and taking classes for new tricks. Not every book or class is going to work 100% but the more you learn, the more tools or tricks you have and can use. And I especially worry about you with the new baby. I think trying some light meds while you work on some other things might be helpful right now.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)