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Mixed feelings about dd's behavior...

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:39 AM
  • 19 Replies

Ok so my dd, 11 years old, has always been very aggressive. She is known for hitting, biting, kicking, scratching, drawing blood, literally attacking any adult (no kids ever) that is in her line of sight and tells her no. Its also been her way to deal and cope with stress and anxiety.

She's had her meds changed and over the summer we went from every day and every week to once a month. She wasn't wetting the bed hardly anymore, she was sleeping with her light off finally with no other issues.

Since school started though, she's had four out bursts. But within the last week or two she hasn't and instead the following has happened.

She wets the bed more often.

She can't sleep, she says there is something watching her.

She sleeps with the light on AGAIN

She's stims way more then I've ever seen her  (she used to do it, but it was rare it wasn't a normal occurance in our day, whereas now it's off and on all day)

She's started chewing on things more (same as above, she would chew or mouth things, but rare, now its all day and it drives me batty cause I can hear her doing it!)

She's not playing with her friends as much and this was a child we couldn't keep in the house, now I have to kick her out to play.

She talks with her imaginary friends more (she is 11 years old, but she has the menatality of a 4/5 year old)

She has become way more clingy to me as well. I can't leave with out her or she gets upset and flips out on me.

While I'm grateful that the aggression at this point has stopped (she still head bangs thing if it gets to bad), I've noticed these other behaviors have increased or showed up out of the blue.  I've mentioned it to her therapist and I've mentioned it to her Psychatrist. Both have said at this point there is nothing to worry about and it sounds like anxiety and that since she isn't attacking me anymore at this point (keeping in mind we're not out of the woods yet on that end), she is now trying to cope in other ways.

There is no concern of anything else being wrong, except that her anxiety about school has elevated and that this is something she will work through in time. However the not playing with friends much anymore, is a bit concerning for both, but given everything else they want to chalk it up to the anxiety part, at least for now.

But it drives me batty really. I'm not used to her acting this way and now I have to change and cope and remind myself not to get on her case about it. I do ask her to stop when it wears on me and typically I can let things go and ignore it, but with it all changing at once its, its sending me over the edge and over stimulating me (I have ADD). I'm trying to deal with it all one step at a time and I try to remind myself that its just her new ways of coping and to be patient with her. But it's also concerning me too.

I'm glad she hasn't acted out towards me, its nice not to get beat up all the time, but its frustrating too.

I guess I just needed to get that off my chest...then again I dunno. I just know that I needed to post this in here...that there would be other moms in there who would understand. Thanks for listening.

by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 11:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Janine on Sep. 22, 2013 at 8:44 PM
Hugs mama...hope things get better.
by on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:29 PM


by Jen on Sep. 22, 2013 at 9:42 PM

maybe keep a log of the things that are bothering you about her. See if you can find a pattern. And then, the next time you visit her dr, share it with him/her.

by on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:11 AM

"nothing to worry about" and "just anxiety" seem like two different things.  I can see why you'd be worried to see your daughter SO WORRIED.  Now maybe it's just a "getting used to school again" settling in period but that doesn't mean that high anxiety is ok.  Maybe look into some soothing rituals (not all ritualistic behavior is a bad thing lol!) for bedtime - maybe a nice bath in lavendar (or w/e scent) epsom salts, then maybe some essential oils that help with anxiety and promote calm could be rubbed on her feet before bed, or even diffused in a diffuser into the air while she's getting ready for bed/falling asleep?  We do this kind of stuff with our kids every night and it really chills them right out.  Combo'd with a story before bed, some snuggles with mommy and daddy, and a routine they can count on every night complete with a heads-up layout of tomorrow's plans/schedule and they're pretty set. 

by Platinum Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 9:08 AM

I would think the anxiety would concern the doctors. I wouldn't just let them blow it off. If the anxiety is messing with everything else in her life that she normally isn't bothered by then they should do something about it. Hugs momma.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:02 AM

The thing is when her anxiety is high, she become physically aggressive...our goal was to curve or stop that. She's on some good meds that have been working great. But she lacks  coping skills period. Right now they are glad that she has for the most part stopped being physically aggressive with me or anyone for that matter. Though sometimes she still head bangs if things are really bad. Their thing is...if she isn't hurting anyone then we need to let some of it go for now. That we can work with this and help her cope correctly with these skills. They think its the anxiety because she was fine over the summer, but after school started things ramped up.

She's got a lot of changes on on right now...first year of middle school, her body is starting to change and that scares her, being in school and not being able to get sent home because she lashes out, new friends that she doesn't know (the middle school isn't her home school where all her friends are going), new girl scout troop, new way of going to classes, new everything.

She has to be transition slowly, very slowly. Right now she is half day at school and they aren't going any further then that with her. Their next goal is to get her used to other people like aides so if the teacher isn't there then its not a big deal.

We have talked about uping her meds, but they want to hold off at this point. I'm sure by next month we might do it if need be, but right now they want us to celebrate her small successes.

And thanks everyone for the kind words.

by Gold Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:59 AM

Hugs mama.

I think what your doc said sounds right. I might try Magnesium:

Its powder and you boil it with water, then put in refridgerator, then add to orange juice. Its suppose to help with stress.

by Carol on Sep. 23, 2013 at 11:15 AM

Hmm, I would pay close attention to those things that are bothering you.  They are indications.  I have a 12 yr old daughter with aspergers and generalized anxiety disorder.  She has had two major depression episodes - the first right before her 11th birthday (she had her first period shortly after the 11 th birthday) and the second episode right after her 12th birthday.  The second episode I saw coming and kept talking to the therapists and the psychiatrist and they kept saying it was OK - just a little anxiety. It was not just a little anxiety and she ended up threatening suicide - not good.  Middle school and the changing hormones can make things very difficult for ASD girls.  Things seem better so far this year but we finally seem to have medications that work and the therapists and psychiatrist now realize that I was correctly reading the situation but it took my daughter having several actual meltdowns at their offices to convince them.  Maybe my experiences are still a little too intense and close, but a little anxiety can become a lot of anxiety very quickly.  Just keep an eye on things.  I hope you don't have to go through what we did.

by Gold Member on Sep. 23, 2013 at 12:37 PM

My question would be then to the psychologist what is she having anxiety about?  How can we calm her down, relieve her anxiety?

by Jan on Sep. 23, 2013 at 2:36 PM

My son is 12 and started middle school last month.  He has SPD and Anxiety Disorder - so going into middle school has been a BIG adjustment for him, though surprisingly he's done much better than I expected, but he has had some glitches and concerns and gets overwhelmed with all of the homework.  He's also in full-blown puberty so he's got those feelings to deal with also.

He's been on anxiety med. for several years and that really has helped him, but I've noticed some increase in his anxieties and worries and I'm going to talk to his dr. about the dosage - I don't want him overmedicated, but he's been on the same dosage since he was 80 lbs. and now he's 120 lbs. - that's something I want to check into.  Mainly I try to keep things as calm as possible for him at home.  Start the day off on a good note, give him time to unwind after school before homework, give him breaks, let him talk about his frustrations and just be the best "soft spot" for him to fall on that I can be each day.  He also has stims that come and go, some are more distracting than others, we try to ignore them, but if it's something very noticeable (that I think may get him made fun of in school) we'll try to gently call it to his attention and sometimes he can eventually stop it.

I would definity talk to the dr. if it seems to be getting progressively worse.  Hopefully it will lessen by itself as she gets more comfortable with school, but you know your daughter best!

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