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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Sons Best Freind Ignoring him

Posted by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 3:25 PM
  • 9 Replies

 Hello,

 

I have a 10 year old boy that has Aspergers.  He has several freinds.  However, one of his previous freinds that is in his class now has decided to ignore him.  It has caused a lot of tears and even though he has other freinds he is obseesed with this one inparticular that has had enough of him.  We just began seeing a Psychologist who suggested role playing which has helped a little.  How do I get it through to my son some people just are not your freinds forever?

by on Sep. 25, 2013 at 3:25 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Bobcatridge
by Carol on Sep. 25, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Oh, that friend issue  - it is such a nightmare.  My daughter (now 12 with aspergers and generalized anxiety disorder) has had problems establishing and keeping friends.  From age 6 to almost 11 we worked with a therapist who did lots of role play - it didn't seem to help.  Finally when she was 11 she started in a social skills therapy group.  That seemed to really help and she now has a few friends altough it is still difficult at times.  For my daughter she wanted to friends so bad and the kids would be mean to her.  If one was suddenly nice, then she thought they were instantly her friend.  This would happen repeatedly.  There was this one girl that caused my daughter more tears because of the games.  It is still an issue that we work on.  Right now there is one 'girl friend' who has called my daughter fat and other deragatory things (bad words that are not acceptable to repeat here),  We just had a session with the therapist this afternoon about drawing boundaries and what kinds of things to accept from 'friends'.  Just when I thought we were making progress this happens. 

Auburn10
by on Sep. 26, 2013 at 8:48 AM

Thank you for responding.  My son is going to be joining a social lunch club for school with kids that are similar so maybe that will help. I am sorry for you and your daughter.

I have another question for you and anyone else out there.  Do you tell people your child has Aspergers? My son also has ADHD so that is what we tell people but as he gets older it seems more noticable.

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:02 AM

Momma I think this is typical with any child who loses a friend. it's hard to comprehend why that person was your friend and now wants nothing to do with you. Even as adults it can be hard. I would just encourage him to spend more time with his other friends. Let him know that it's okay and that friends will come and go in his life but that true friends will last a lifetime

mypbandj
by Jen on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:25 AM
This.

Quoting JTMOM422:

Momma I think this is typical with any child who loses a friend. it's hard to comprehend why that person was your friend and now wants nothing to do with you. Even as adults it can be hard. I would just encourage him to spend more time with his other friends. Let him know that it's okay and that friends will come and go in his life but that true friends will last a lifetime

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Bobcatridge
by Carol on Sep. 26, 2013 at 9:36 AM
1 mom liked this

When my daughter was younger we didn't know exactly what we were dealing with.  It took awhile to get the diagnosis.  I am more likely to tell people she has generalized anxiety disorder.  My daughter had several therapy sessions where the therapist worked with her to learn what aspergers was and a positive view of it.  My daughter will tell people that she has aspergers and generalized anxiety disorder.  Sometimes she even adds that she is prone to depression.  Our closer friends do know tha t she has aspergers.  Recently, we had a new neighbor over for dinner.  This man picked up our daughter had aspergers instantly - it turns out he has a grown son with aspergers.  We also have a friend who when I told would not believe it and tried to argue with me about the diagnosis.  My daughter interacts with adults better than her peers.  She can really charm adults with her dinner lectures.  Some people are so impressed that they don't realize they haven't been able to get a word in.

patnic
by Bronze Member on Sep. 26, 2013 at 3:25 PM

I don't have any answers, but hugs.

I do try to keep up the friendships with other kids that are on the spectrum in his school. Good idea with the lunch.

chio1967
by on Sep. 27, 2013 at 1:15 AM

    I always say that to my son "friends are not forever only your family" My son is 10 yrs old and has Aspergers too!! Friendship is always challenging for him, he has two good friends .... but it took long time to get there....We did Social skills classes for a whole year...I think that  helped him  tremendously!!! Sometimes I wonder if his friends feels the same way about him...? Last year he did have the same problem your son has... All I did was to let my son know that I was sad too about losing a friend  and I told him that happend to me too as an adult... "I said it's hurts but it will go away ... You will find somebody better...."Is not the end of the world"....He laught ....! Good luck!!!

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Sep. 27, 2013 at 5:10 AM

Welcome to the group!  I'm sorry to hear this mama:(  No advice though as my son is too young and doesn't understand what friends are.

terri-553
by Bronze Member on Sep. 27, 2013 at 7:12 AM

I am so sorry,People are just plain,mean.That simple,wished I could offer some good ideas,my grandson Thomas doesn;t seem to have any close friends at school,Only his cousin Taylor when she comes for her week-ends,seems to be his besty,Again,I am sorry

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