considering "waving the white flag"
Dylan fell asleep last night before we had a chance to give him his medication and what did that mean for today? .....Pure Chaos!!!
He was bouncing off the walls since he woke up, he was talking at 90 miles a minute and was beat red with sweat pouring off his face before noon!
It was such an awful day! I love him..i do.. but today i wanted to run away..just pack a bag and run!
I'm feeling defeated! Feeling like there will never be answers.. never be specialists that know what is going on or how to control it!
I feel like this is it.. it is what it is.. i'm destined to live the rest of my life in chaos with my son!
..and yes.. i feel isolated from all my friends.. i envy that the most stressful part of their day is work or a pile of dishes in the sink! They will never understand what stress really feels like.
I ended up in the ER 2 nights ago because i had all the symptoms of a heart attack! I screamed for my husband because i thought i was dying. My arms went numb, my chest felt like it was being squeezed by a ton of bricks and my heart was pounding so fast i thought it was going to explode out of my chest. All i was doing was sitting at the computer checking emails and BAM!..
Turns out it was a major anxiety attack. WTH!!! out of nowhere and here i thought i had it all together.
Maybe the fighting and the praying and the wishing things will get better is all for nothing. I know in my heart i have to keep pushing.. but maybe my body is telling me enough is enough..
Sorry for the vent.. it's been a hell of a weekend.