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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Wit's End

Posted by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 7:37 AM
  • 9 Replies

I am in need of some advice or help or both.  My 13 Y/o has Aspergers,  he is my "Step"son (we don't use that word)  Lately, He is running away after school,or anytime he has been left alone for more than 30 minutes.

He is VERY high functioning, and attends "regular" school.  He does have it pretty rough there, bullying and teasing etc.   The school is not doing much. to stop that because "it is his word against theirs"  I am ready to take on the parents of the other children...LOL

There are charter schools in My and my husband's area that have a lot of kids with Asperger's and other learning disabilities.  We just cannot convience his mother that this may be a better situation for him.  We also have a VERY large homeschooling community in our area.  Our son is very intelligent, he just does not turn in his homework.

Is running away common with Asperger's?  If so What can we do to stop it or try to help him?  we are all at a loss!  Last night he didn't get home until WELL after dark.

Any advice would be appreciated....

by on Oct. 1, 2013 at 7:37 AM
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Replies (1-9):
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Oct. 1, 2013 at 7:53 AM
Oooh i want to hug him... And you... So hard.

Have you talked with him about what he wants? Maybe he wants to look at other schools? Maybe he will have some ideas about what will make him happier.

He must feel so sad to run away! We all run away when the situation we are in is too difficult. So yes--- what can you do to make it easier for him; and make him happier?

Its gotta b tough to feel so alone, b picked on ( im sure teachers give him hard time for his executive functioning deficit-- he must feel like "life sucks"... Even more then the typical teen.

Go with him to check out new school. Regardless what his mom wants-- find out what HE wants.

Huge hug!!!
mypbandj
by Jen on Oct. 1, 2013 at 8:26 AM
Does he have an IEP? Or a 504? It seems there should be some accommodations for him to help with the homework issue. My aspie son went through that in 5th grade. He's now in 10th and doing ok. Last yr we had some bullying problems but luckily the school took care of it. My son doesn't tell us a lot so as far as I know, he's been ok so far this yr.

Have you seen the movie Bully? If not I highly recommend you rent it. It might be on Netflicks. Have his mom watch it. It is absolutely eye opening and heart breaking.

If our school had a "his word against theirs" policy I would absolutely pull him from the school. Even of it meant homeschool.
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darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 2, 2013 at 5:32 AM

Welcome to the group.  These ladies have some good advice.  Hugs!

wildchild.com
by Janine on Oct. 2, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Welcome to the group...I personally would stress to his mom how important it is that he switch schools. The poor kid (((hugs))) to both of you!
momofblueeyes04
by Member on Oct. 2, 2013 at 11:44 AM
Sounds lime he is upset and that ks ehy he is running away. Is he leaving the school after school, is there a way that you could pick him up so he will be less likely to leave. Also its so sad that his mom isn't seeing that he is misserable. Have you tryedtryedayne giving him a reward for not running way like going to a movie or something
kajira
by Emma on Oct. 2, 2013 at 11:56 AM

He's running away because of the school situation. How else can he communicate how much this is traumatizing him when no one will do anything.

You need to either fight for full custody so you can do what's in his best interest - i.e. homeschool, or another school where they don't allow that.... Or find a way to STOP his school from allowing that to happen.

Get a lawyer. Seriously. Bullying is not okay.

As an autistic adult who was tortured in school, I'll tell you if the schools not acting on it, the teachers probably do it too.

neslonturf
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 12:07 PM

Sounds like situations at school, are overwhelming his ability to cope. I would approach it with love and understanding.

I would call an emergency IEP meeting, and discuss options, and interventions. I would also suggest that ALL parents be in attendance, so everyone is on the same page. 

anjyl
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 6:50 PM

I have been thinking the same thing.   The biggest problem is that he won't admit that  there are any problems at school.  The parents all get along really well (his mother and I went to lunc today to try and figure it out) and we came to the same conclusion.  She is going to call the meeting and I will be there and hopefully his father will be able to be there.

We are hoping that he will talk to me this weekend, he tends to confide in me more than anyone else in the family. Hopefully, I can get to the bottom of the issues.

anjyl
by on Oct. 2, 2013 at 7:07 PM

I have wanted to switch schools since this summer, even though he does have and IEP, the school he attends is not set up to really help kids with disabilities.  In the area he lives in with his mother, there are no alternitives.  Where his father and I live we have plenty of alternitives.  I have even looked into On-line and home schooling so we can cater a program specifically to him.  His social life is full with scouting and church activities, and the homeschooling in this area is HUGE!!!  they have weekly and monthly  get togethers.  so I do not believe that his "social " skills will suffer.

His father and I suggested this in July, but he wanted to try regular school, and his mother and grandmother have more or less "poisoned" him against any thing but "regular" school, no charter school, home school etc.

I know he is in pain, and I would give my life to make it go away.

 

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