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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Just need to talk

Posted by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:39 AM
  • 12 Replies

My name is Tricia.  I have 3 grandsons, the oldest was diagnosed with autism when he was 3, his name is Travis and he is now 6 and in first grade.  I take care of Travis and my second grandson Tuesday through Thursday.  Yesterday was a very hard day for me.  Travis has always been a loving little boy for the most part.  Since he has started 1st grade this has started to change.  Last year he had an autism support teacher that was the best.  She could get him to do anything.  She was patient and loving and was very respectful with him.  The school principal did not like her so she was transfered out and a regular special ed teacher (who specializes in behavior problems was put in her place)  The aid who is with him during his regular ed class is not trained in anything and has no autism experience at all.  They seem to try to bully him into doing what they want him to do.     Now back to yesterday.  I was trying to get him to do his homework and he told me that he hated me,  wanted me to die and that he wanted to kill me.     He has never said anything like that to me at all.    I was devistated.        I realize that he is under stress at school.   That leads me to the next frustrating part.  We are trying to get him into another school that has an au specialist.  I have called and e-mailed the autism director in our school district asking for a meeting with her.  She will not respond to me.   I have looked for a support group in my area.  There are none.  With so many children being diagnosed with asd why is it so hard to get help and support.    I would think that there would be a support group in every city.     I just dont understand.  And I just really dont know what to do.

by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 9:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
wildchild.com
by Janine on Oct. 10, 2013 at 10:01 AM
Hello & welcome...I'm so sorry your running into so many road blocks. That's so sad for your grandson. I hope things get better soon (((hugs)))
mustbeGRACE
by Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 10:18 AM

In general, the entire education system doesn't want to deal with autism.

It sounds as though Travis is becoming depressed/anxiety/PTSD(?).

I would make an appointment with a child psychologist/psychiatrist and I would act now as appointments with specialists usually take a while, unfortunately.

The report from the specialist would act as your weapon to take with you when you go and talk to the principal.

You can tell the psychologist/ psychiatrist what Travis has said about killing you for diagnosis purposes, but you don't have to have that included in the report to the school. I feel comfortable saying that because I know you can handle the situation because you are smart enough to know your family needs help.

I would never have such things said, even by a small child, in my household and not address it.

If Travis parents will not address it, the possibility exists that you would have to defy them and involve the courts.

It could get hairy for everyone involved if his parents want to dismiss the problem.

The schools will spend a hundred thousand dollars to avoid spending 100 dollars on your grandson. The whole system is like that. That is what you're dealing with. People like that aren't nice to deal with.It becomes hardball when you are forced to mention getting a lawyer to them.

By the way, you're first experience with a psychologist/ psychiatrist may stink. If so, keep looking.

Travis mental heaalth is paramount here. Try to avoid meds if possible. Lots of TLC and talk therapy may do the trick, depending on what's going on  :  )


TRICIA763
by on Oct. 10, 2013 at 11:45 AM

Thank you for sharing.  Travis' parents (my daughter) are also over whelmed with the lack of help from the school and she is also doing what she can.  Travis has an MHMR case worker but to be honest MHMR are not as helpful as I thought they would be.  We are trying to get him into a child psycologist.  He has chips for insurance and that seems to be a problem as no child psycologist excepts it.    We do give him lots of love and positve reinforcement but we kind of feel like it is all undone when he goes to school.  We will continue to find help for him.  It is just so frustrating that more people are not interested in helping a special needs child.  It just seems like money is more important than children with special needs.

kajira
by Emma on Oct. 10, 2013 at 12:56 PM

Look into the k12 home school program, it's a public school you do online, with virtual teachers/classrooms. He can work at his own pace, and this will give you more control of what/when he does things, and you can go at his own pace.

This will also allow you the same services as it counts as a public school, so if you need PT or OT, the school distract is still required to give you services.

But it may reduce the amount of stress he's on, so you cna provide a supportive environment at home while he learns educationally.

Social and academics should be seperate in my opinion, and I say that as an autistic adult who failed in the public school system.

Quoting TRICIA763:

Thank you for sharing.  Travis' parents (my daughter) are also over whelmed with the lack of help from the school and she is also doing what she can.  Travis has an MHMR case worker but to be honest MHMR are not as helpful as I thought they would be.  We are trying to get him into a child psycologist.  He has chips for insurance and that seems to be a problem as no child psycologist excepts it.    We do give him lots of love and positve reinforcement but we kind of feel like it is all undone when he goes to school.  We will continue to find help for him.  It is just so frustrating that more people are not interested in helping a special needs child.  It just seems like money is more important than children with special needs.


NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this
I know how frustrating it is, I'm dealing with it first hand. If you haven't done so already you can speak with his pediatrician about the problem and he can refer you to a psychologist that takes his insurance or contact his insurance directly and ask them for a psychologist/psychiatrist that is in their network. I also got some great contact information from the Department of Mental Health Services where I live since it falls under the umbrella of behavioral health. Hope this helps and I hope that everything works out.
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 1:16 PM
1 mom liked this

OOOH I hate reading how sad travis is... heat wrenching.

Please take note that travis does NOT mean what he is saying to you.. He is a very sad, upset, frustrated little boy... My son in kindergarten told me that he wanted to die.. (so we can direct our anger externally.. or internally.. its the same thing.. my son was internal angry)

Its HARD to be a kid with issues.. It really is! The demands of the day are so hard. Sensorily, emotionally, physically... the worst thing is -- no one listens to kids.. they cry and say something is too hard... adults say.. "no it isnt dont be silly, you can do it!"... or even worse.. they punish. :(  or yes.. bully.. because in a lot of worlds "Im bigger, so Im right.. and you WILL listen" is the way that it goes... so "might begets right" and our POOR children... our poor, sensitive, children, suffer.

Im so sorry this is Travis' experience. Something needs to give. Id suggest you check out
http://www.livesinthebalance.org/solving-problems-collaboratively

this Dr. His website. He has 2 books. He also has a list of clinitians and Drs who can help. Ive been following this parenting model for 2 years now.. my son is happy... not ANGRY or SAD anymore. He is verbal about his needs.. and I am ALL EARS. I work with him. I advocate for the school to work WITH him.
He is really doing very well at this point. Not perfect.. we have challenges.. but, its REALLY made a HUGE difference.

If I can be of any assistance at all... feel free to message me.
HUGS-

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Keep pushing for the meeting with the director. Inform them if it's necessary you will wait in their office til they can at least meet with you. I would also get your grandson to talk to a psyciatrist about the anger he is feeling. It may be caused by the new teacher and aide. Does you grandson have an IEP?? refer to that. Make sure that they are doing what is stated in the IEP. Keep fighting. If you give up then they win. Never let them win!!! Your family deserves the very best and I would fight for it.

As for the support group there isn't one around me in the city I live in. But luckily I live close to the border of a city that has one. Try checking the nearest cities. You can also go to autismspeaks.com  They would have listings for doctors and support groups in your area. 

best of luck and please keep us updated on how it goes with the school.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:51 PM

Id also reach out if you have a SEPTA group-- a special education PTA in your area. Call the SE office at your school and ask.

emarin77
by Silver Member on Oct. 10, 2013 at 2:59 PM

My son has said the same thing to me once.  I think all children diagnosed or not say nasty things to their caregivers.  It is part of anger/stress.  Just like when a caregiver gets stressed they might say things that are not true. 

I just told my son I bet you are angry but we do not say mean things to me or anyone else.  My feelings are hurt.  Say your sorry. 

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 10, 2013 at 5:58 PM

Welcome to the group!

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