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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Help! My son is suspended

Posted by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:30 PM
  • 16 Replies

Hello.

I am hoping that someone can give me advice.

An incident occurred with my 14 yr old autistic son, at school. He has been looking up inappropriate content on line while in class. The content is sexual in nature and he was suspended (so far) for two days.  It was not an actual porn site or something like that, it was the urban dictionary and a Manga that has some nudity.

First, I need advice as to how to handle things with the school. The school wants him to go to sexual deviancy's type counseling, (My husband and I have a meeting - Monday morning.)

Second - how do I handle everything with my son? (we have taken away his privileges for now and spoke with him about why it was wrong etc. but I don't know what more to do?)

Lastly, now that my son is a teenager, is there anything that we can do to help him understand, that he can't do certain thing or say certain things around people in public? He has a habit of blurting out inappropriate things and does not understand why it is wrong. (at least until we sit him down and explain it to him, but then there will be something new that he will start saying and it repeats itself).

I am so frustrated and I do not know where to turn or even start. He does go to a weekly counselor and is on an IEP at school.

Thanks for any advice, it is appreciated..



by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 11, 2013 at 1:56 PM

Welcome to the group!  I honestly don't know...my son is only 5, so I don't have experience with this, but I wanted to send you hugs and let you know that other ladies in this group will have better advice:)

Aspiemom14
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 2:15 PM

Thank you, it helps.

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 2:41 PM

I'm sorry, my son with ASD is only 5, so we are not there yet.  But, ASD or not, what 14 year old wouldn't be looking for this on the internet if they could and thought they would not get caught.  I totally get your need to figure out a way for him to understand right and wrong, what's ok in public, etc.  But my question is more to the school, would they suggest this deviant training to all 14 year old boys that did this or are they singling him out?  

Hugs Mama.  That's a hard one that I can't help with, but I feel for you and will be there someday! 

Aspiemom14
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 2:55 PM

In my opinion. Yes, I feel that they are singling him out. But it is just my opinion. I have no proof, is what I mean. It is just so frustrating, I mean if he "looked" like he was "disabled" instead of normal, then a lot of the issues we come across would be handled differently. I always hear, well he does not 'look' like he has autism... I am sorry what does "Autism" look like? Is there something that I am missing? Sorry it hust urks me that once again my son is in trouble and it is related to his disorder, but they (the school) just don't see it that way.

amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:00 PM

You bring up a valid point about his not "looking disabled" and it's one that bothers me.  I get frustrated when I hear that phrase because how is he supposed to look?  It irks me.... sorry to get off on a tangent there.

When you go in Monday for the meeting, ask your questions... would any other child be subjected to this punishment?  Would any other child be referred to deviant counseling, etc.

Honestly, does your son even understand why looking at this particular manga, etc is not ok at school?  Does he understand that it was considered sexual content and why?

Quoting Aspiemom14:

In my opinion. Yes, I feel that they are singling him out. But it is just my opinion. I have no proof, is what I mean. It is just so frustrating, I mean if he "looked" like he was "disabled" instead of normal, then a lot of the issues we come across would be handled differently. I always hear, well he does not 'look' like he has autism... I am sorry what does "Autism" look like? Is there something that I am missing? Sorry it hust urks me that once again my son is in trouble and it is related to his disorder, but they (the school) just don't see it that way.


Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:42 PM

I would research local healthy sexuality counseling services.  Is his current counselor able to set this as a treatment  goal during their sessions?  I would share at the school meeting that you will be addressing this topic with counseling and inquire what they have planned to monitor his internet use while at school? We use lots of social stories here when trying to get a point across to our son.  Our talking and explaining to him is like Charlie Brown's teacher, 90% of what he's hearing is "whahhawawah".  

aprilmaydawn
by on Oct. 11, 2013 at 4:50 PM
Holy cow I too get the whole "well he doesn't look disabled" wth does that mean?! My boy was suspended in KG for sexual harassment, yep u heard me right. He poked the VP in the boob & to her that was harassment. I was like he's 5 do u know how many times I've been poked in the girls as that's where his range is when I'm sitting?! His KG teacher spoke up & was like UM yeah that's way out of line as when Owen has been sitting by me & my shirt is to low cut for him he'll tell me I should cover them HA. And how was I to explain to my then 5 yr old about sexual harassment? Ridiculousness's sometime I tell ya! Hang in there for this to shall pass :]

aprilmaydawn

robmommom
by Member on Oct. 11, 2013 at 6:59 PM
Sorry, I'm not there yet. mine is only six but please let us know how the meeting goes & the outcome. & yes is FRUSTRATING when people say he doesn't look like he has autism, I have asked ignorant people what does autism look like & either they change conversation our walk away
Stay strong & hold your ground@ the meeting
BIG HUG


Quoting Aspiemom14:

In my opinion. Yes, I feel that they are singling him out. But it is just my opinion. I have no proof, is what I mean. It is just so frustrating, I mean if he "looked" like he was "disabled" instead of normal, then a lot of the issues we come across would be handled differently. I always hear, well he does not 'look' like he has autism... I am sorry what does "Autism" look like? Is there something that I am missing? Sorry it hust urks me that once again my son is in trouble and it is related to his disorder, but they (the school) just don't see it that way.


Aspiemom14
by on Oct. 12, 2013 at 2:26 AM


He only understood once we (my husband and I) explained it in detail as to why it is not appropriate.

Quoting amonkeymom:

You bring up a valid point about his not "looking disabled" and it's one that bothers me.  I get frustrated when I hear that phrase because how is he supposed to look?  It irks me.... sorry to get off on a tangent there.

When you go in Monday for the meeting, ask your questions... would any other child be subjected to this punishment?  Would any other child be referred to deviant counseling, etc.

Honestly, does your son even understand why looking at this particular manga, etc is not ok at school?  Does he understand that it was considered sexual content and why?

Quoting Aspiemom14:

In my opinion. Yes, I feel that they are singling him out. But it is just my opinion. I have no proof, is what I mean. It is just so frustrating, I mean if he "looked" like he was "disabled" instead of normal, then a lot of the issues we come across would be handled differently. I always hear, well he does not 'look' like he has autism... I am sorry what does "Autism" look like? Is there something that I am missing? Sorry it hust urks me that once again my son is in trouble and it is related to his disorder, but they (the school) just don't see it that way.




Jamie1972
by Member on Oct. 12, 2013 at 2:32 AM

My son is 14 and man are we dealing with the joys of puberty. He has pdd-nos plus other disabilities. What helped me was having a behaviour specialist come to our home to talk to him and help me and Dh talk to him. Trust me it's a daily talk. I just signed a permission slip 2 weeks ago for him to attend a sexual harassment/awareness class. Well not class more of speech I guess. That helped to. Also it helps that his high school has such tight parental controls its not funny.    

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