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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I am a total complete failure

Posted by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:28 AM
  • 14 Replies
Saturday we took the kids on a fun Halloween outting while my mil took care of our twin dds. We took the kids to dawn of the donut for breakfast, took them to Halloween store for costumes, then up to green bluff to this farm place. The kids got wristbands to do the rides all day.

When we first got there, it was not very crowded. The kids were allowed to just walk over to the giant bouncing pillow and jump. Later we lead the kids away to have lunch there and pick pumpkins. After we took them back and there was a lot more kids so they had kids on a line for the pillow. My autistic 8 year old got upset. I talked with him and he seemed to calm down. He stood on the line and went to play when he was waved in.

When it came time the girl called the kids in. Everyone came back but my son. The girl called to him and he yelled NO. She called him again and by now I am on my feet and he balled his hands in fists and ran at her! She backed up clearly scared! I jumped in the way and grabbed him and made him sit on a hay bale. He was screaming and crying and couldn't seem to understand why they changed the rules. I explained it while he is freaking out yelling let me go! Let me at her! Etc.

I told him over and over he is never allowed to hurt! Dad had been over at the car putting away the pumpkins and he shows up and realizes what is happening and carries our son over his shoulder away from that area. He calmed down soon after. By that point I was shaking and seriously stressed out.

I am failing him.
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Arkmom2Two
by Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:35 AM
3 moms liked this

Awww, hugs Momma, your not failing him.

Did you re-read your post?  You did everything you could possibly do.  You handled the situation beautifully.  You took care of the situation the best way you knew how.  Why would you think you failed him?

And, btw, anyone in your situation would have been stressed out.  It's part of the job of an ASD mom.

More hugs and I think you did great!

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

You by no means failed him momma. First off you noticed the signs that he was going to hit her and you stopped it. You got him to sit on the bale of hay even though he was obviously still angry. You did what mom's of NT kids don't do. You stopped something before it escalated out of control. Give yourself the credit you way deserve. It's hard for our children to understand change. Things that come easily for other children to understand needs more explanation with our kids. There is nothing wrong with that. Remember everyone learns differently. Just keep reminding yourself how great he did before the incident and that it wasn't him that changed but the environment around him. 

dawncs
by Dawn on Oct. 14, 2013 at 10:59 AM

You are not failing him. He expected it to be like it was before more kids arrived at the giant bouncing pillow. It can be sometimes hard to deal with disappointment or changes for those on the spectrum. Some do adapt to it over time, but some do not at all.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 14, 2013 at 12:06 PM

No mama, you're not failing him and you're not a failure in any way!  You are a mom who is doing her best to raise a special needs child.  You handled the situation, you kept the employee from getting hurt, you kept your son safe.  

No, you are far from a failure.  You are a great mom!  Don't ever listen to that inner voice that tries to put you down.  

group hug

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 14, 2013 at 7:51 PM

Hugs mama...our kids struggle with behavior issues at times.   You are NOT a failure!!!

Jenn8604
by on Oct. 14, 2013 at 7:56 PM
No you're not. He just couldn't understand how the rules "changed". He had walked over before and was upset when he couldn't. A Non asd parent probably wouldn't have noticed their kid getting ready to hit someone you did and stopped him. Good job.
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Ajisai43
by Bronze Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 8:00 PM

Oh, hugs to you, mama.  You are not a failure.  Repeat after me, "I am not failing my child".  On the contrary, you know your child and what he needs and you helped him through it.  We can't be there for every single thing through the day and we can't always know what is going to set our kids off.  I think what you did was pretty much a textbook example of what to do in your situation.

I think pretty much everyone in this group has had an experience like yours and it is easy to feel defeated at times, but never give up.  You are an awesome mom, giving your kid all kinds of life experiences, and it is going to be hard and painful for him at times, and you as well, but it is all part of the learning process.  Keep up the good work, and really, do give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.  :)

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 8:02 PM

Oh honey, you're not a failure, just an autism Mom.  We've all had those days.  Here's hoping your next family outing goes better.  I bet the kids all still had fun!  Hugs Mama!

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Oct. 14, 2013 at 8:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Uuummm, if youre a complete and total failure then crap... What am I? 

I make these mistakes too... Not realizing what may overwhelm my kid. Not realizing when a rule change or one of his many black and white expectations will cause his little brain to spitfire and sputter... 

There is so much you did right. You stopped him, removed him from the situation he was having difficulty with, you helped him to regulate his emotions and calm down, you got him out of the park to calm down.. And Im guessing even he was unhappy with how he behaved.

So.. NO.. I would not say complete and total failure... FAR Far from it... Have you read Ross Greenes book The Explosive Child? I use to feel I was failing my son, until I read that book I felt like I was doing many rhings wrong by him, but that book gave me better understanding and a sence of confidence in my decisions regarding him. 

Hugs mom.. We have a hard job.. Parenthood we know is hard.. THIS job.. Whew.. TOUGHER! 

Maxsmommy123
by Jamie on Oct. 14, 2013 at 8:40 PM
Hugs! I can't relate to this yet because my son is much younger but it seems you did everything right and by no means are you a failure!
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