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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Guarantees...

Posted by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 9:23 AM
  • 11 Replies
1 mom liked this

I hate that there are no guarantees that Im doing right by my son. I hate that every time I react to a situation I second guess myself. 

Im not the parent I thought I would be. But I understand that I dont have the child I thought I would have. 

I dislike that I cant parent my child the "typical" way.. Because I have found that it doesnt work for him... But Im met with so much resistance from friends and family that dont have MY experience... Its so easy to sit on the sideline.. But IM here.. FIGHTING the war... And their sideline commentary makes me feel worse.

I do so much reading, so much searching, so much research so I can better understand his experience... Only to be told that EVERYONE is different... Lol... If youve met one person with autism, youve met one person... So what does that mean for my reading and research... 

Tough morning.. Mentally... 

Thanks for listening... 

by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 9:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JTMOM422
by Brenda on Oct. 18, 2013 at 9:28 AM
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It all  means you are a great mother who is trying to better understand and handle a situation that you have never dealt with before. It means that you put your son at the top of your priorities and love him so much that you will try and do anything that will make life as easy as possible for him. All in all it makes you a Mom of a child with Autism.

NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 11:38 AM
There are no guarantees. But, even having that knowledge, you still wake up everyday and keep trying. That makes you a great mom! Your efforts aren't in vain and there is no need to second guess yourself even though it's a natural thing to do because we want so much for our children. Feel better momma!
puertoricangeek
by on Oct. 18, 2013 at 11:47 AM

Attempting to find out and doing your own research is great. You are a better mother for it. Trust me, trying to make your childs life better, is the best thing. It is tough, and I have ASD along with my son, but you will find what works and things will be ok. I promise.

amonkeymom
by Amy on Oct. 18, 2013 at 3:07 PM

hugs

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Gold Member on Oct. 18, 2013 at 3:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Really really big hugs.

And (much unlike my usual vocab) f*ck everyone else.

You are doing a GREAT job mom.

I know you've helped **me** tremendously.

Don't let anybody make you feel less than or lousy.

Again, F*CK them.

I'm sorry... that makes me so angry.

What does that mean for all your reading and research? That it was all worth it! Look how far YOU and your son have come!

Sometimes we have to tweak some sources here and there to fit our kiddos, but that doesn't mean you throw away the whole theory.

I LOVE science. Science explains a lot to me. There are people that you show them the science and the research and they just retort (i'm saying it with a mocking voice) "they are all different. Science is b/s. blah blah blah"

And it's true all kids are different, but specialists are specialist for a reason. (Though not all specialists are created equal of course). You have one goal: To help YOUR son. And you are doing that in spades.

Take a bow mom. You deserve it!!! Okay, I'm in tears now.

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel this way.

You just have to brush it off and be confident that GOD is super proud and if HE's proud, who are they to belittle you? (Really, a lot, a lot of tears now).

Big, tight hugs mom.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Oct. 18, 2013 at 9:36 PM
1 mom liked this
I wish I could sit across from you drinking coffee and probably crying my eyes out because that's what I do when I read something like this.

Don't you ever think for one minute you are a bad mom or aren't doing the right things! I read every word you put in this group.... you are an amazing mother! You've also given great encouragement and advice to so many in here. Do I do my best every day? No I don't... There I said it. Do I have days where I feel sorry for myself for all that is wrong in my world? Absolutely! Do I want to tell people to go scratch when they give advice or their opinion on something they don't deal with everyday or have no clue about? Ha!

But you know what? I may be the mom of an autistic boy but I'm also only human. I have faults, I'm not perfect... But for the days I screw up, I also have many days where I feel like supermom! But I also see that being supermom doesn't mean I'm going to cure my child or get the world to see him as anything less than perfect.

I want to give you a hug! And I hope tomorrow morning is much better.



Angelmevans
by Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 2:50 AM
You are an amazing mother. You do everything because you care. I know it is tough and you want to make everything perfect for your family.

I am not sure if you are a spiritual person but remember each day is a new day and each day you are given the strength.

Our children will always know one thing for sure that we never ever gave up on them and love them no matter what.

Take some me time. Take a hot bath or go have a girls day. You deserve it.

We are here for you and I always read your posts along with your advice/ support. You are a loving and caring person.

πŸ’™πŸ’šπŸ’œβ€οΈβ€οΈπŸ’πŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΈπŸŒ·πŸŒ·πŸŒ»πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜„πŸŒΌπŸ’›πŸ’™πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ’–
lucasmadre
by Kari on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:25 AM

I know exactly how you feel and it is why for the time being I have stopped all reading and talking to anyone (including family) who does not have an asd child. They can not know how it is, that isn't their fault, they are only trying to help. Get your support here, and find some time to center yourself and listen to your heart. Only you can raise your child and only you can know what he needs. My son wasn't diagnosed until he was 8 and I had so much shame about that but now I realize that my own instinct with him were really good and I gave him so much of what he needed from my heart. 

It wasn't and isn't easy. I know how hard it is...sometimes every day is a struggle. I have learned as much about myself in this process as I have learned about my son. You are a smart and loving mother, trust yourself, come from love. TAKE TIME TO REFUEL, you can't do this job if you don't take care of yourself. Find things that make you feel calm and centered even if it is just a bubble bath or a new perfume. Try not to loose your identity in this process and remember it is ok to feel sad and let it out. We are all in this together and we are lucky to have one another. Post every day if you have to....we are here to listen and understand. Wish I could give you a real hug. XO


wildchild.com
by Janine on Oct. 19, 2013 at 8:09 AM
Just by reading this I can tell you are a wonderful mother! Hugs!
patnic
by Bronze Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 3:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Hugs.  Hope the afternoon is better.  I agree with another poster - wish we could all sit at a coffee shop, drinking and eating scones.

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