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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Need advice on situation with Ashton's van driver

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:01 AM
  • 34 Replies

Hi everyone, hope you are all having a good morning.  We have a small issue (although nothing is really small when it comes to Ashton) anyway, Ashton has a really nice van  driver, she is very sweet and compassionate and good with the kids. Ashton has been riding her van to school for 3 years. Since he started kindergarten 3 years ago he was in the back on the right hand side. It's a minivan and there are currently 3 students (with autism) on his van that go to public school in the next district over.  The issue that happend recently is that 2 of the kids sit in the front and the little girl started hitting the little boy next to her and kicking the van drivers seat. So, they switched places with her and Ashton (moving him to the front left)  At first Ashton was ok with it because he thought it was temporary. It has been a month now and he is begging to go back to his spot in the back but the van driver says that things are so good with the girl being there and she doesn't want to move Ashton. Well, now Ashton is anxious about getting on the van and obsessing on it. I tlaked with her about it this morning but she said Ashton is so good on the van and she doesn't see how much it is bothering him. But it's all he says when he gets off and when he before he gets on. Part of me just wants him to adapt to his new seat  but I also hate how much stress it is causing him.  Heres the thing, he told me if he pulls miss D's hair he could go to the back. I kind  of feel like he thinks if he's bad he can move back there, which concerns me.  Am I making too big of a deal out of this? 

by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

 I don't think you're making a big deal at all! why should he feel punished for something this little girl did? Why should it make him so unhappy?

When my daughter graduated 8th grade, I asked that Dillon not sit in the back anymore and near the bus driver. Well, all she did was yell at the other kids sitting by him and he hated it so much. He LOVES the morning bus rides and I was afraid it not only would ruin his day, but make him start wanting to not go to school. Asked the bus driver to let him sit in his old sit in the back and she refused! GRRR!!! *insert pic of my claws coming out*

So....I called CST and told them it was stressing him out terribly and he wouldn't go to school. The bus driver let him sit in the back two days later!

Squeaky wheel gets the grease, Carissa! SQUEAK, girl, SQUEAK!!! lol!

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:23 AM
2 moms liked this

Ok, I'm two sided on this one.  No, you are not making a big deal out of it.  Even little things can throw our kids out of whack to where even if Ashton isn't having a freak out on the bus doesn't mean it isn't throwing off 6 other things as the day goes on.  Change is just hard for them. 

However, our kids also need to learn how to adapt to change as things are uncontrollable in life, and this is the life we all want them to become accustom to living in.  If you do not feel it is effecting Ashton hugely, maybe this is an opportunity for him to realize change happens, and that's ok.  At least it is the same bus and driver so much is the same.  My son's teacher is routine, routine, routine, but then builds in change times at random just to help my son learn how to adjust to things not going as planned.  He hates it, it is hard, I pay for it at the end of the day, but it has to happen for him to learn how to function in a world that can not be routine and predictable at every moment.  Maybe if he stays in the new seat, you could get the bus drive to make a big deal out of it and kind of talk him up every couple of days, like how well behaved he is in that seat and it is so helpful to her or how great he's doing in his new seat and adjusting to the change, etc.  I hope whatever you decide it works out! 

Charizma77
by Carissa on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:52 AM


Thanks! I'm so torn because this driver is so nice and the one child really does have behavior issues so I understand why she wants her from the other kids.  Suggested moving both of the boys to the back but that would probably throw off the other boy just like moving Ashton did and it would be harder to get him off the van since he owls have to crawl over Ashton to get out and he is more sever than Ashton is. I just think in Ashton's head bad behavior is what gets you in the back seat and I see the wheels turning in his head :/

Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 I don't think you're making a big deal at all! why should he feel punished for something this little girl did? Why should it make him so unhappy?

When my daughter graduated 8th grade, I asked that Dillon not sit in the back anymore and near the bus driver. Well, all she did was yell at the other kids sitting by him and he hated it so much. He LOVES the morning bus rides and I was afraid it not only would ruin his day, but make him start wanting to not go to school. Asked the bus driver to let him sit in his old sit in the back and she refused! GRRR!!! *insert pic of my claws coming out*

So....I called CST and told them it was stressing him out terribly and he wouldn't go to school. The bus driver let him sit in the back two days later!

Squeaky wheel gets the grease, Carissa! SQUEAK, girl, SQUEAK!!! lol!



Charizma77
by Carissa on Nov. 6, 2013 at 9:55 AM

This is exactly the same thoughts I have been wrestling with. Everyone always tells me how well Ashton reacts to change because they don't see it. He keeps it inside or waits until he is at home. The van driver really doesn't see him being anxious about it. A few years ago we had issues with him pulling other peoples hair when he was anxious and it concerns me to hear him saying he wants to pull her hair so he can go to the back... But, I do want him to adapt to change because as he gets older he has to.... It's so frustrating sometimes :/


Quoting Momof4AEMW:

Ok, I'm two sided on this one.  No, you are not making a big deal out of it.  Even little things can throw our kids out of whack to where even if Ashton isn't having a freak out on the bus doesn't mean it isn't throwing off 6 other things as the day goes on.  Change is just hard for them. 

However, our kids also need to learn how to adapt to change as things are uncontrollable in life, and this is the life we all want them to become accustom to living in.  If you do not feel it is effecting Ashton hugely, maybe this is an opportunity for him to realize change happens, and that's ok.  At least it is the same bus and driver so much is the same.  My son's teacher is routine, routine, routine, but then builds in change times at random just to help my son learn how to adjust to things not going as planned.  He hates it, it is hard, I pay for it at the end of the day, but it has to happen for him to learn how to function in a world that can not be routine and predictable at every moment.  Maybe if he stays in the new seat, you could get the bus drive to make a big deal out of it and kind of talk him up every couple of days, like how well behaved he is in that seat and it is so helpful to her or how great he's doing in his new seat and adjusting to the change, etc.  I hope whatever you decide it works out! 



Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs, Mama!  I'm with you!  Change is hard!! 

Quoting Charizma77:

This is exactly the same thoughts I have been wrestling with. Everyone always tells me how well Ashton reacts to change because they don't see it. He keeps it inside or waits until he is at home. The van driver really doesn't see him being anxious about it. A few years ago we had issues with him pulling other peoples hair when he was anxious and it concerns me to hear him saying he wants to pull her hair so he can go to the back... But, I do want him to adapt to change because as he gets older he has to.... It's so frustrating sometimes :/

 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

Ok, I'm two sided on this one.  No, you are not making a big deal out of it.  Even little things can throw our kids out of whack to where even if Ashton isn't having a freak out on the bus doesn't mean it isn't throwing off 6 other things as the day goes on.  Change is just hard for them. 

However, our kids also need to learn how to adapt to change as things are uncontrollable in life, and this is the life we all want them to become accustom to living in.  If you do not feel it is effecting Ashton hugely, maybe this is an opportunity for him to realize change happens, and that's ok.  At least it is the same bus and driver so much is the same.  My son's teacher is routine, routine, routine, but then builds in change times at random just to help my son learn how to adjust to things not going as planned.  He hates it, it is hard, I pay for it at the end of the day, but it has to happen for him to learn how to function in a world that can not be routine and predictable at every moment.  Maybe if he stays in the new seat, you could get the bus drive to make a big deal out of it and kind of talk him up every couple of days, like how well behaved he is in that seat and it is so helpful to her or how great he's doing in his new seat and adjusting to the change, etc.  I hope whatever you decide it works out! 

 

 

 

N.Carter2001
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry i got no advice. Just be happy you got same driver everyday. My son school kind of lost.  Jacob got home later cause they told lady he not need a ride home yesterday. We never said that. Also every few days its a different driver. And lady from yesterday says she brings more kids home from schoolAnd these our kids in wheelchairs and she can only drive 1 at a time. So now on wednesdays no clue when he gets home.  At least he loves the bus in morning. 

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 1:50 PM
1 mom liked this

Maybe talk with the driver about how your happy he is doing well, but concerned that Ashton is still stressing over this.
Would the driver agree that yes, the girl is doing good in the new seat, but her punishement should end soon as well. The girl should have an opportunity to have a chance to do her best without the enforcement of the new seating arrangement. Suggest that perhaps after the holiday that they try the old way again to see if the little girl has progressed. Then Ashton will have an opportunity to have his old comfortable seat.. but with the knowledge he did do well with the change.. and remind him that he may need to change back IF the girls doesnt do well. Remind him it is an HONOR to have the seat that the driver is putting him in since its because she doesnt need to worry about him and how proud you and he should be for that..

Sam had a similar experience on the bus last year, before he stopped taking it... so, yes, this sould be stressing him out at other points of the day... remember, our kids need to be kept as elastic as they can be.. no demands unecessary... that way when they NEED to stretch, the elasticity is there... if it is used for silly things.. then the elasticity may not be there when he needs it...

HUGS...

wildchild.com
by Janine on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting TheJerseyGirl:

 I don't think you're making a big deal at all! why should he feel punished for something this little girl did? Why should it make him so unhappy?


When my daughter graduated 8th grade, I asked that Dillon not sit in the back anymore and near the bus driver. Well, all she did was yell at the other kids sitting by him and he hated it so much. He LOVES the morning bus rides and I was afraid it not only would ruin his day, but make him start wanting to not go to school. Asked the bus driver to let him sit in his old sit in the back and she refused! GRRR!!! *insert pic of my claws coming out*


So....I called CST and told them it was stressing him out terribly and he wouldn't go to school. The bus driver let him sit in the back two days later!


Squeaky wheel gets the grease, Carissa! SQUEAK, girl, SQUEAK!!! lol!


I agree squeak, squeak...
NiyasMom1
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 2:53 PM
I agree with this. I'm sorry that he's not happy and I know that it's hard for him to understand that he's not being punished by having to remain in the other seat. Our kids don't do well with change but change happens and unfortunately we can't be there with them to prevent these things forever. I had the same issue when my DDs therapist had to switch her therapy time from 3:30 to 1:30 or she would need to see another therapist. That meant that I had to pick her up twice a week and she wouldn't be able to ride her bus home which she absolutely loves. I love her therapist and didn't want to switch. She's still not happy about it but finally after 2 months she isn't in major meltdown mode anymore. For safety purposes I would probably give it more time and have the bus driver try the positive reinforcement for behaving so well in the seat he's in. You don't want the driver distracted while she's transporting them. Hope he feels better.


Quoting Momof4AEMW:

Ok, I'm two sided on this one.  No, you are not making a big deal out of it.  Even little things can throw our kids out of whack to where even if Ashton isn't having a freak out on the bus doesn't mean it isn't throwing off 6 other things as the day goes on.  Change is just hard for them. 


However, our kids also need to learn how to adapt to change as things are uncontrollable in life, and this is the life we all want them to become accustom to living in.  If you do not feel it is effecting Ashton hugely, maybe this is an opportunity for him to realize change happens, and that's ok.  At least it is the same bus and driver so much is the same.  My son's teacher is routine, routine, routine, but then builds in change times at random just to help my son learn how to adjust to things not going as planned.  He hates it, it is hard, I pay for it at the end of the day, but it has to happen for him to learn how to function in a world that can not be routine and predictable at every moment.  Maybe if he stays in the new seat, you could get the bus drive to make a big deal out of it and kind of talk him up every couple of days, like how well behaved he is in that seat and it is so helpful to her or how great he's doing in his new seat and adjusting to the change, etc.  I hope whatever you decide it works out! 


Charizma77
by Carissa on Nov. 6, 2013 at 3:46 PM


Exxcellent suggestion. I am going to keep it mind and talk with Ashton's teacher and driver and see if we can work out something like this.

Quoting SamMom912:

Maybe talk with the driver about how your happy he is doing well, but concerned that Ashton is still stressing over this.
Would the driver agree that yes, the girl is doing good in the new seat, but her punishement should end soon as well. The girl should have an opportunity to have a chance to do her best without the enforcement of the new seating arrangement. Suggest that perhaps after the holiday that they try the old way again to see if the little girl has progressed. Then Ashton will have an opportunity to have his old comfortable seat.. but with the knowledge he did do well with the change.. and remind him that he may need to change back IF the girls doesnt do well. Remind him it is an HONOR to have the seat that the driver is putting him in since its because she doesnt need to worry about him and how proud you and he should be for that..

Sam had a similar experience on the bus last year, before he stopped taking it... so, yes, this sould be stressing him out at other points of the day... remember, our kids need to be kept as elastic as they can be.. no demands unecessary... that way when they NEED to stretch, the elasticity is there... if it is used for silly things.. then the elasticity may not be there when he needs it...

HUGS...



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