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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Do you find you're more patient with other kids?

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 9:52 AM
  • 17 Replies

Having Sam be so..... challenging... I find that I am really able to be more compassionate and understanding of other kids as well.
Its like a light went off in my head that we ALL have some troubles.. and if we are "pushing back" then something is wrong. We all push back, or get snippy, or ask for accomodations... we all ask for help, assistance, for someone to listen and recognise that "something" is wrong when we are NOT acting like ourselves.

We were at the library and he was a little pushy, shovey at the train table.. A little bossy with who was going to get what train.. and a little difficult... He yelled at Sam for something meaningless and Sam just walked away... 

My friends were a bit surprised that I didnt get angry at  the kid who was giving my son a hard time yesterday. They were suprised that I defended him, or was supportive vs. their judgemental....The kid was JUST snippy and snotty and bossy... and I said to myself "wow, I wonder what his issue is". (Not meaning spectrum-y issue)... I wonder why he is having a hard time...cause you could tell by the way he was acting, SOMETHING there was hard.. there was something keeping him from giving up the control.
 
My friends thought he was just bratty, but I cant and DONT look at it like that anymore.. cause Sam can come across bratty (and bossy, and snippy and snotty.. but WE ALL CAN....) and I know HE isnt..unless there is a bigger issue..

So, do you find you are more or less tolerant with those around you?

I want to confess, if Sam is having a REALLY hard day, I find my tolerance less... (hey, when we are stressed, we are NOT at our best!)



by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 9:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
megs2boys
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:01 AM

I am very tolerant of my Sam for the most part. But he is nonverbal and very mellow. I do let his stimming get to me sometimes, when he just can't stop and he's going crazy whipping his back and forth or stimming on his fingers. But i also work at a daycare and we have two little boys with pretty moderate autism and I never get upset with them. They are both screamers (like hours of screaming and yelling), and even though 10 minutes into my day I have a migraine, i never get upset with them, i just feel so badly that they are overwhelmed or upset. If Sam was doing that I know i would lose my cool way faster!

lucasmadre
by Kari on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:16 AM
2 moms liked this

I used to think of myself (and was often told that I was) the most tolerant person but I have to admit that asd has kicked my ass. I do think I look behind children's behavior and understand things better but I am working really hard at not loosing my cool with my own son- so I am a work in progress. Others children are easy to be kind to because it isn't my responsibility. I worry about my son progressing so I think I have a tendency to push too hard and I am trying to see things through his eyes more.

jowen905
by Jan on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:33 AM

Interesting question!  I think I'm much more patient than I used to be, with my son, my husband, myself and other people and situations in general.  People have told me how patient I am - most of the time I feel like I'm in control pretty good, but there are days when I feel like I want to blow up!  I can be snippy and sarcastic - my mom was (and can still be) very sarcastic, hurtful and snide.  I learned sarcasm from The Master!  But I know how much it can hurt and what damage it can do to relationships.  I try hard to make sure that I don't follow that path (as natural and easy as it may be!), especially with my son.  I think I'm pretty patient and tolerant with other kids as well (especially kids throwing tantrums in the store, God bless their parents), but I'll admit, if another child is being pushy with my son I probably wouldn't be as understanding about it as you were!

kajira
by Emma on Nov. 7, 2013 at 10:45 AM

I tend to be less tolerating with other children who aren't mine - especially if they aren't behaved.

I seriously cannot stand kids who scream in public at the mcdonalds play place, if it's clear the kid is obviously special needs, and isn't just all riled up while the parents are ignoring them, I tend to be pretty understanding....

But I've NEVER let my kids scream in a tiny room at mcdonalds while people are eating.. no matter how excited they get. I can't handle the screaming and I think it's rude. It really, really bugs me when other parents think it's fine.

If you want your kids to scream, take them to an outdoor play set where it's not trapped in a little glass room.

So, I actually find that I have higher expectations for NT children and their parents because of little stuff like that. If I go out of my way to make sure my family doesn't ruin stuff for other people and that I make my child and myself work hard to accomodate other people's needs out in public, I want others to do the same for us.

When it comes to kids playing, I expect my kid not to hurt other kids and vice versa. If special needs, I over look a lot more than if it was an NT kid just being mean. (although, sometimes my kid might deserve it, so I take it as a situational basis.)

I'm protect of my kids and family, I hold us to a high standard and expectation and I like a little common courtesy from others. I actually find that it's usually NT families who are the ones causing the most disruptive families in places where other kids and families are from not watching them well enough or setting ground rules to make it a more enjoyable experience for everyone else.

It's kind of like being at disney land, I know kids are excited, but having groups of kids run into my back and almost knock me down is really uncool. ^.^

Control your kids. :o

With that said, after that, I tend to be extremely patient and tolerating with kids and others who communicate well and are friendly. I tend to have less patience with kids who get into my stuff, and touch my stuff with out asking, when there's plenty of OTHER toys for them to touch and play with. 

So, all in all, I could never be a teacher. I probably wouldn't ever do daycare, though I could handle baby sitting a kid or two if I liked them and their parents.. I'm picky. LOL

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:24 AM

I guess it depends on the situation...I'm fairly tolerant in general:)

Charizma77
by Carissa on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:27 AM

I wish I could say that I am. I was a preschool teacher for 4 years before having kids and was incredibly patient but since becoming a mom I find myself less patient with other kids. I hide it from them but inside my nerves are getting the best of me. We have another little boy in our church with autism and everyone thinks I should be so good with him because of Ashton but he is nothing like Ashton and I really have to work hard to be patient with him and I feel bad about that! On the other hand I am so much more compassionate of other parents then I was before kids or before Ashton was dx with autism. I try to smile at a parent having a difficult time with their child or encourage them or lead some help if I can. I don't judge like I used to. I have been in some awful situations in public and I honestly feel bad fir any parent that goes through it (whether their child has special needs or not).

Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:30 AM
1 mom liked this

I think I'm more open minded and tolerant.  A dev. pediatrician once told me all behavior is an response of something. 

So a child being bratty may have more going on than just being selfish.  And,,, everyone has bad days.........

puertoricangeek
by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:32 AM

I actually handle children's birthday parties on the weekends, ages 7-15. I have found that I have a lot more patience, however I also have found better ways to approach things. I do a lot more redirecting, logic, and repeating. I have found that my favorite phrase has become, "If your mouth is moving your ears are not listening" It works wonders on NT and ASD kids. I get asked a lot if I am a teacher or if I want to be a teacher. No, however I wouldn't mind being a tutor.

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:48 AM
I have noticed since the diagnosis, that I have been more patient with Nicolas. But I haven't really had Him in an environment where I was watching him with other kids. If he was being pushed and not allowed to play, I don't think I would be as patient as u were. It is hard enough for Nicolas to play around other kids without them being mean!
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 11:55 AM

 

thats exactly what I think... and you're so concise about it.. thank you!!!!.. LOL... but thats how I felt yesterday.. that this kid had more going on than what I could see... and his behavior, although not ideal, was in response of something... and weather he is NT, ASD, or ABCDEFG... LOL... it didnt really matter to me cause he was just trying to get thru his day too.... and his mom did seem overwhelmed, had a baby in a carrier... just looked frazzled.. and well, I knew she was doing her best to get thru her day too... LOL..

Quoting Jenibob:

I think I'm more open minded and tolerant.  A dev. pediatrician once told me all behavior is an response of something. 

So a child being bratty may have more going on than just being selfish.  And,,, everyone has bad days.........


 

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