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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Change is so hard....as decision making..

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 11:56 AM
  • 24 Replies

Sam was invited to a playdate tomorrow at 1-3. He has been excited to go (excited for Sam.. So, moderately excited.lol) today the mom texts me.. Her hubby made alternate plans for their son so she needed to reschedule. Sam could come today at 1 or tomorrow at 10:30-12:30. 

So, I knew Sam was looking forward to a relaxing no stress (playdates are stress) day today, but I wanted to ask him...

well, after hiding and crying for 25 minutes, then a stomach ache and upset belly for another 10... I suggested perhaps his body was telling him to rest and tomorrow was a better choice. He finally agreed to tomorrow. 

I KNOW the mom was trying to do the right thing by rescheduling.. But it kills me that he has SUCH difficulty with changes like this... And then CANT decide... Its like he could choose wrong... And he puts so much pressure n himself... 

Part of me wants to never make a plan again, and the other part is a bit mad that they changed it.. (They have done this 2 other times in the past) i KNOW I should be more understanding as THEY dont think it is a BIG deal.. Their kid is neuro typical, LOVES playdates, CAN be busy ALL the time... 

Where I spend my days CAREFULLY planning out therapies, school, playdates, to fit into his schedule, making sure there is down time before a challenging (and EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OUR HOUSE is challenging) time... And I get it ISNT their problem.. Its mine... But, I dont need ADDITIONAL crap.. Ya know? Lol

by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Nov. 9, 2013 at 12:15 PM
I am sry that you and Sam have such a hard time with changes. This is exactly what I think we will be dealing with when Nick gets a little older.

I think it's hard for someone with a NT child to realize the difficulties that comes with changing the times.
jowen905
by Jan on Nov. 9, 2013 at 12:33 PM

Absolutely I know.  Change can be such a disruption.  I know all our kids are different, but my son was so much like Sam a few years ago (he's 12 now).  He has come such a long way.  He's very flexible now, still gets nervous about new things or major changes, but he works through them.  At times when he feels overwhelmed about something, I'll tell him to "scoop" all his worries and anxiety into his hands and then "hand" them over to me - it's a silly little game, but it seems to help him.  I just say, okay now all your worries are mine, I'll take care of them, you take a deep breath and forget about them.

This is the same little boy who used to scream bloody murder at the dentist's office and who used to scream at the top of his lungs when I would drop him off at preschool.  The last time he went to the dentist, the assistant told me that they love when he comes in, he's always so much fun!  And now he walks to the bus stop each morning without looking back and his homebase teacher says he has a big smile on his face when he comes into class.  And he does not like school, but he's pushing through it each day.

I know it's hard now for you, we still have our struggles now and probably always will.  But it CAN get better.  Just keep doing everything that you're doing, and I hope that things will get easier for him and for you.

wildchild.com
by Janine on Nov. 9, 2013 at 1:59 PM
I hear ya! We have a written schedule everyday & when things change I pray that all hell isn't going to break loose.
Jaces_mom2512
by Ashley on Nov. 9, 2013 at 2:00 PM

I Love that!!  Thats the best Ive heard!


Quoting jowen905:
  At times when he feels overwhelmed about something, I'll tell him to "scoop" all his worries and anxiety into his hands and then "hand" them over to me - it's a silly little game, but it seems to help him.  I just say, okay now all your worries are mine, I'll take care of them, you take a deep breath and forget about them.


Jaces_mom2512
by Ashley on Nov. 9, 2013 at 2:00 PM

HUGS... I hope things get better for Sam!


isotoner
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 2:06 PM
I 'm sorry he had a rough time. My 11 yo is more flexible at home than school, but some things that really bother him surprise us. Last year we rearranged the living room before putting up the Christmas Tree. We haven't rearranged it in several years, but he still asks "When are you going to change it back?"
EthansMomma2010
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 2:55 PM
We deal with the same thing. My son can'ttell time yet so i would have just picked the different time same day but if we cancel plans it always makes a mess . And other people just dont get it . its hard because we need to prep him for stuff beforehand but then if it doesn't happen it is really bad!!
SamMom912
by Gold Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 4:50 PM


We have somethng in the moring... So I wasnt sure if Sam was gojng to be good going from 1 thing to playdate. Orginally, with the first plans he had 4 hours down time between the 2. So, i wasnt sure if he was going to be good going from 1 to the other.. So i did need him to buy into it. Since he is 7, he knows how to tell time and if he couldnt do the playdate after swimming, then we would just xll the playdate...or go today, which, i kow he wasnt geared up for.

we also have plans tomorrow night... So he needs down time from 3-6... 

Quoting EthansMomma2010:

We deal with the same thing. My son can'ttell time yet so i would have just picked the different time same day but if we cancel plans it always makes a mess . And other people just dont get it . its hard because we need to prep him for stuff beforehand but then if it doesn't happen it is really bad!!



lucasmadre
by Kari on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I have dealt with this over the years too. When I make a plan, I stick to it. I never change things especially at the last minute (maybe I am asd!) anyway...I think it is ok to make some of these choices for Sam without asking him, maybe it is too much for him to handle right now. So you could have just said..."tomorrow we are going to go play with your friend even earlier than planned...isn't that great?"

 I also think it is ok to say something like "Sam so looks forward to playdates with your child, if possible can you not change plans at the last minute as he is so disappointed by change." I know the frustration you feel but I can tell you that my son has gotten so much better at change and transition. He is 9 now and rarely freaks out when things are shifted. He used to have complete meltdowns on a regular basis. Hang in there, keep working with him and try making "hard" choices for him until he seems better equipped. xo was that too bossy? Sorry if it was....

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Nov. 9, 2013 at 6:30 PM

Hugs mama!  I'm sorry:(

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