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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Battle of the wills....I lost!

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:20 PM
  • 63 Replies
1 mom liked this

Ok so bought little man a new coat. I thought it was a great deal. I got the coat plus the outer vest that he can wear by itself and it was waterproof too. Way to go momma right! NO! He would go into total meltdown each time this coat was brought out. He would fight wearing it. He wouldn't walk into the school building. It was as if the coat was made of lead and making him drop to the ground. He would literally scream bloody murder. His teacher would have the same battle getting him to wear it outside on the playground. He would constantly take it off. So talked to his ABA about this and her suggetion was that we could desensitize him to the coat by making him wear it a little more each time until he realized he had no choice but to wear it. Okay I can do that....right? well talk to his teacher and she suggested buying another coat that was made of a differet material. What? I just bought this coat was she crazy. I am not made of money. Well after our battle yesterday with him wearing the coat and screaming at the top of his lungs I gave in. I went straight from the school to the store and bought a new coat. So I put the new coat on him when he gets home and wouldn't you know. He pulled at it, rubbed it, and left it on. He didn't mind one bit this morning when he had to wear his new coat.  So question is....has your child with ASD been like this with any clothing? What did you do?

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 12:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:19 PM

OH YES!!!!  We just had to battle new shoes as his old ones got too small.  And I thought I had planned well, bought the bigger pair of the exact same shoe last year so I'd be ready now and he would not think they were different.  Well, put them on and bloody murder!!!  They didn't feel the same as they were not broken in so even looking exactly the same was not doing it!!  We battled, i had to take sandals to school mid morning all last week to save the teacher from the huge meltdowns (we had snow here, so not a solution I like long term).  Finally Friday I went out and got him a new pair of shoes that looked different but were same color of the sandals I needed to get off of him.  He questioned a bit and was not sure about it.  I told him for the weekend he had to earn IPAD time by wearing the new shoes while he played.  By Saturday night he loved them so much he wanted to sleep in them and he was begging by Sunday morning to go to school to show his teacher his new shoes, yea no school until Monday buddy.

We also had the change from fall to winter coat issue and all were the same coats he had last year so not new.  He did not want to give up the fall coat for the winter one and was terrible ALL day for the teacher that day.  Took him a few days to love his winter coat again and I had to hide the fall one away so he could not see it anymore as a choice.  Change stinks! 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:25 PM

So glad to hear I am not the only one that went through this battle. I thought for sure he would love the first coat I bought him. The material was the same as the one he had last year. NOPE he hated it. I could have desensitized him to it but would the battle have been worth it. I don't  think so lol. 

So far he has done really good about shoes. The only shoes he won't wear is sandals lol. I am hoping the shoe battle never begins. Oh yeah! Don't get me started on shirts that are sleeveless. That boy can't take a regular shirt off but has no problem taking those off cause he hates them LOL

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

OH YES!!!!  We just had to battle new shoes as his old ones got too small.  And I thought I had planned well, bought the bigger pair of the exact same shoe last year so I'd be ready now and he would not think they were different.  Well, put them on and bloody murder!!!  They didn't feel the same as they were not broken in so even looking exactly the same was not doing it!!  We battled, i had to take sandals to school mid morning all last week to save the teacher from the huge meltdowns (we had snow here, so not a solution I like long term).  Finally Friday I went out and got him a new pair of shoes that looked different but were same color of the sandals I needed to get off of him.  He questioned a bit and was not sure about it.  I told him for the weekend he had to earn IPAD time by wearing the new shoes while he played.  By Saturday night he loved them so much he wanted to sleep in them and he was begging by Sunday morning to go to school to show his teacher his new shoes, yea no school until Monday buddy.

We also had the change from fall to winter coat issue and all were the same coats he had last year so not new.  He did not want to give up the fall coat for the winter one and was terrible ALL day for the teacher that day.  Took him a few days to love his winter coat again and I had to hide the fall one away so he could not see it anymore as a choice.  Change stinks! 


Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:35 PM

Yes, pick your battles!  I think there are times to stand firm and force the issue of the child adjusting.  They do need to learn to cope and deal with change.  But then there are things like this that disrupting his entire day at school, home, the screaming, stress are just not worth it.  If it doesn't feel good, he won't be comfortable and no one else around him will be either.  That was worth the extra $17 for me to pay for the new shoes and we've all had a better week this week, lol! Glad the 2nd coat is working out better.  Pretty soon I am just going to start taking him to pick out his own new items when they are needed so maybe I just buy one.  But then that means going out in the lights, crowds, noises, etc that seem very unproductive as well.  So maybe next time I'll just buy a couple to start with, bring home, let him choose, and return the rest! 

Quoting JTMOM422:

So glad to hear I am not the only one that went through this battle. I thought for sure he would love the first coat I bought him. The material was the same as the one he had last year. NOPE he hated it. I could have desensitized him to it but would the battle have been worth it. I don't  think so lol. 

So far he has done really good about shoes. The only shoes he won't wear is sandals lol. I am hoping the shoe battle never begins. Oh yeah! Don't get me started on shirts that are sleeveless. That boy can't take a regular shirt off but has no problem taking those off cause he hates them LOL

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

OH YES!!!!  We just had to battle new shoes as his old ones got too small.  And I thought I had planned well, bought the bigger pair of the exact same shoe last year so I'd be ready now and he would not think they were different.  Well, put them on and bloody murder!!!  They didn't feel the same as they were not broken in so even looking exactly the same was not doing it!!  We battled, i had to take sandals to school mid morning all last week to save the teacher from the huge meltdowns (we had snow here, so not a solution I like long term).  Finally Friday I went out and got him a new pair of shoes that looked different but were same color of the sandals I needed to get off of him.  He questioned a bit and was not sure about it.  I told him for the weekend he had to earn IPAD time by wearing the new shoes while he played.  By Saturday night he loved them so much he wanted to sleep in them and he was begging by Sunday morning to go to school to show his teacher his new shoes, yea no school until Monday buddy.

We also had the change from fall to winter coat issue and all were the same coats he had last year so not new.  He did not want to give up the fall coat for the winter one and was terrible ALL day for the teacher that day.  Took him a few days to love his winter coat again and I had to hide the fall one away so he could not see it anymore as a choice.  Change stinks! 


 

ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Nov. 15, 2013 at 1:47 PM

Oh yes ........ my daughter won't wear her new hat, even though she wore it when I put it on her at the store to make sure she would wear it. I bought 3 sizes of the same shoes because she won't wear any other shoes (she did wear different shoes when we took her to the beach because she wanted to go to the beach SO MUCH that she was willing to wear anything). She won't wear any type of clingy clothing ..... she just has a lot of sensory things with clothing and I make sure when I'm getting something like shoes or coats, she's there and tries them on first. Dresses she has to try on as well ..... half the dresses in her closet have never been worn because they were given as gifts and she refuses to wear them.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:19 PM

Yep.... Its almost next to mpossible to go from long sleeves to short sleeves.. And long pants to shorts every year! He fights it and fights it.. Until the weather gets to be unbearablly hot. 

Last june our school called me complaining that he was in long sleeves and long pants.. It was 88 out... They were sweating looking at him. Ok.. I get it.. But he was 6... He can very well take off what he doesnt like, and put on what he does.. And he doesnt like short sleeves or short pants! He has body awarenss issues, he doesnt know where his body is in space... The clothng helps him FEEL his arms and legs... He is also super sensatie about textures, tagsm ITCHY!!! and I get that... Ysterday, i put on a shirt and the tag was bothing me... And Im NOT sensory sensative... This must be incredibly annoying to wear skmethng that feels BAD... Lol

needless to say, I brought over shorts/shirt to school. He changed there... But I let them know hey, he dresses himself, and I dont have those fights. I make suggestions, i raise concerns, but I dont tell him what to wear. 

If he is hot, i will pack shorts ans tshirts.. He can change if he wants to. 

I dont force ANYTHING. I suggest, I raise my point of view, i discuss why something is a good choice, a bad choice, what may happen if we chose one way or another... But i dont power struggle. Lol

wildchild.com
by Janine on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:32 PM
Oh yes we went through the same thing with coats & hats. I used to just tell him no coat no hat no outside. It worked & he's actually better about it now that he's older.
Maxsmommy123
by Jamie on Nov. 15, 2013 at 2:54 PM
Oh yes winter in Wisconsin should be a real hoot this year with no winter coat 😳

I haven't found that magic jacket yet. Thankfully the first one i tried was from goodwill. We are doubling up sweatshirts for now.
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 3:42 PM

I always lose the battle.  Then I get mad at myself for getting "sucked into" the battle (I'm the adult right?).  It's just hard  sometimes to know when he's pushing it (drawing the line in the sand/demonstrating his independence or stubborness) and when it's something else bothering him (emotional/sensory).  Either way, when the battle lines get drawn we all lose and we spend lots of time and energy getting back to the developmental progress place we were.  

Glad to hear he adjusted to the new coat so well and so quickly!  For once an "easier" fix!  Lesson learned, that one was probably sensory:)   

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 4:03 PM
If they wont wear the coat the consequence is being cold. You get sick from germs not cold... So why would you have the fight for stubborn? Let 'em b cold. Nature has wonderful consequences. Lol :)
I dont have that fight either. No raincoat, youre wet. No coat youre cold no gloves, yep, your hands are going to burn after you play in the snow... What lessons do I have to teach? None... Lol


Quoting Jenibob:

I always lose the battle.  Then I get mad at myself for getting "sucked into" the battle (I'm the adult right?).  It's just hard  sometimes to know when he's pushing it (drawing the line in the sand/demonstrating his independence or stubborness) and when it's something else bothering him (emotional/sensory).  Either way, when the battle lines get drawn we all lose and we spend lots of time and energy getting back to the developmental progress place we were.  

Glad to hear he adjusted to the new coat so well and so quickly!  For once an "easier" fix!  Lesson learned, that one was probably sensory:)   


darbyakeep45
by Darby on Nov. 15, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Hugs mama!!!  My son has never really cared about his clothes.  At least not yet:)

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