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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Getting Guardianship Anyone done this?

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 6:51 AM
  • 26 Replies

Hello,

Today I have an appointment to take guardianship of my teen at 17. I know this is the best thing.  However, it is hard to do.  I will be honest an explain this to him. It may not be forever.  I think by the time he is 23 or 24 he will be able to take care of himself and make decisions. 

One person said  to take only a power of atttorney but this wasn't a sure fire way to keep him from making a bad decision for himself.

Ollamok 


Looking forward to some help on this one.


by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 6:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lillettemomma
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I have autism and I am am glad no one ever did that to me I would have been very mad.... did I make (and still make) my own mistakes but that's just it they are mine.... I mean if he's low functioning I would understand but if he is high functioning I personally wouldn't... I am high function adult now with soon to be 4 kids
BDSMI
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I have a high functioning 14 ASD son.  I do not plan to do this. I want to give him as much freedom as possible.  I believe that with guidance he will be able to make decision on his own.  This has been a goal and he does well now.  My door is open as long as he chooses to live with me.  I know one day he will make the leap to live on his own or in a group home.  I have been raising him the same as his NT brother but obviously it takes him more time.  If he is low functioning or completely unable to care for himself I might consider it but definetly would look at all our options.

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 3, 2013 at 6:11 AM

 My son is only 12 so no experience with this yet. Let us know how it goes!

lucasmadre
by Kari on Dec. 3, 2013 at 6:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Not an easy choice but if you feel he is not safe making his own choices then it may be for the best. Sorry it has come to such a hard choice but I do believe that mom's know best what their kids need almost every time!  XO

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this

No experience, my SN kiddos are only 5.  But I have 1 for sure, possibly 2 that I will need to do this for later in life.  Best of luck! 

kajira
by Emma on Dec. 3, 2013 at 11:29 PM

As an autistic adult, I would have freaked out at 18 if my family had tried this with me. I had my first kid at 18 and while I had a lot of lessons to learn, i've been happily married for almost 8 years now to the same man and have 2 kids and #3 on the way (if it sticks.)

I wouldn't do this unless he asks you too - or he's low functioning.

This may end up being an issue for our son when he's 18 - and I've considered what I would have to do if he was uncapable of making decisions for himself, but I'm going to make sure he gets as much say in it as possible. If he's even near the functioning level I was - I won't do it at all.

Mistakes are going to happen, autism or not as a young adult, you can't protect or baby them forever. Just be careful you don't cause him to resent you.

RnR01
by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 3:01 AM

He is not able to make the decisions for himself. He is too easily taken advantage of. His counselor that can not talk to me once he was 14 agrees.  This will not be forever.  I want him to be independent as possible.  It would be like extending his 18  to 23.  He is high functioning but extremely emotional insecure and immature. So innocent.  He can do his laundry and all that.  

His doctors agree. His teacher agrees.  Trust me I want him to be free.  I will be honest with him.  I will ask him his wishes but ultamelty make the right decision.  A very important child development specialist agrees too.  The plan is to get him into VOTECh for the time after high school and maybe even take two different rounds of classes.  Then at 23 maybe enroll in a junior college.  How many 18 year olds are really ready for life anyway.  

I was looking for how to break it to him. I will put it to him that this will help  me protect him and make deicisions with and for him.  I will ask him what he likes to do.  I want him to do what he wants.

I got a vet to let him volunteer at her clinic.  He loves animals.  However, he did this for about 6 months.  He hates bugs and flies. So we need to try something else. He needs to be happy doing something. I hate that he would be stuck in a job he hates.

Trust me doing this is not a fun thing. I have advocated for him to be independtent all his life. He can clean, wash clothes, load unload the dishwasher, take out trash and on/on.  All because I want him to live by himself doing what he chooses.  But he won't be there yet. 

So any advice on how to put it to him.

Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and are doing what is right for your child.  My only suggestion about how to present it to him would be more in the spirit of "teamwork",   Let him know you two will be managing finances, etc "together".  Your role will be as a guide, the goal is for support and to  teach him how to do this on his own.  These skills will take time to develop.  Share that this is not about "control" but rather you guys joining as a team to safeguard during the learning process.  Allow him to make some mistakes along the way and allow the natural consequences to occur.  Good Luck Mom!

AspieAuntie
by Risa on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:02 PM

I agree. I don't know much about this so I can't give too much advice, but I would also emphasize to him that you are not doing this to take away his ability to make choices for himself. You mentioned that you have not been able to speak with his counselor since he turned 14 and that will only get worse with doctors and such when he turns 18. Let him know that you just want to be there for him, to help him as a safety net and that the guardianship will help you cut through all the legal red tape. Best of luck to you, I know this is a difficult decision.

Quoting Jenibob:

Sounds like you have given this a lot of thought and are doing what is right for your child.  My only suggestion about how to present it to him would be more in the spirit of "teamwork",   Let him know you two will be managing finances, etc "together".  Your role will be as a guide, the goal is for support and to  teach him how to do this on his own.  These skills will take time to develop.  Share that this is not about "control" but rather you guys joining as a team to safeguard during the learning process.  Allow him to make some mistakes along the way and allow the natural consequences to occur.  Good Luck Mom!


Tammi4
by Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I have guardianship of my son. He is low functioning though so I will always have to be his guardian.
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