Doing the right thing, isn't always easy.
On the 15th of Nov. we had our dd, 11 years old, taken to the hospital for evaluation. She was aggressive here at home...once again towards me. That night she was transported to a youth center, since then we requested residential treatment for her. We got granted the request, but she has refused to go to the youth center that was approved, asking to stay where she is at. She says she feels safe, comfortable and like she finally fits in. So she's been there till we could figure out what to do, as the place she is at does not have an ASD program and their school/day treatment program is usually for high school kids.
Well they are working on making it so she can stay there, we are still waiting. She's been approved for 30 days to be reviewed to decide if she stays longer or comes home. It's starting to sink in that she is staying and it's starting to take its toll on her emotionally. She's depressed, missing home and what not.
As for me...I feel like I have a hole in my heart, like my home is empty, even though I have my hubby, my friend and my 3 year old here. It's not the same with out her. I miss her terribly and I want her home. I'm for sure depressed and I plan to see someone about this once our insurance kicks in.
We saw her for Thanksgiving, but had to go on campus to see her. When it was time to leave, she grabbed a hold of me and wouldn't let go. They had to pull her off of me and I had to walk away from her screaming for me.
This is the third time she has been in a facility and I feel much more distant from her this time then before. I don't call her every night like I did the last two times, every time I talk to her I break down, and or she is begging me to come get her. I want to hold her in my arms here at home, but I can't right now.
I've been thankful for my MOPs group, few people know what's going on and they are praying for us. Today two of them bought me a picture package. We had Antiquties done in MOPs this year and I won a sitting for free, so I took my kids. Thinking I was going to buy the cd for the little money I had, I went to look at them. I found out that wasn't going to happen. I had to buy a package. Two of the moms pitched in and with my little bit of money I had, we were able to get all the pics and the cd.
I'm blessed in that regard...so blessed to have them right now. But it doesn't make it any less easier and I so depressed that I'm not sleeping at night and all I want to do during the day is sleep.
I know this is the right thing right now, but doing the right thing isn't easy, especially now.