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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Do you want to hear good news? Or bad?

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:16 AM
Jen
  • 18 Replies
Today I have my sons parent teacher conference. He's in a private preschool for language since the public school system won't take him. One goal the preschool has is getting him to talk with other kids. He's 3 1/2 and should be doing that by now, right?

Anyway, I would rather them tell me their opinion of his abilities, instead of glossing over everything and putting a positive spin on them. Does that make sense?

It's not that I want all bad news instead of good. But I want to know what he can and cannot do - based on their professional opinion.

Do you want a realistic evaluation from your child's teachers at conference time? Or are you past that now and just want to hear some good news?
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by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
SnortysMom
by Cathleen on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:49 AM

I want a realistic evaluation from teachers. Don't sugar coat it. It's hard to hear at times, but I want to know what do my DH and I need to work on with DS, what is the next step, how can the teachers help...etc etc. Know what I mean?

Or sometimes I might not agree with the realistic evaluation and think "We are going to prove you wrong!"

L0laUnscript3d
by Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:52 AM
Id prefer a realistic evaluation on his progress, which luckily I get. My son's teacher has a child with Asperger's so she doesn't sugar coat anything.
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lady_katie
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:02 AM
4 moms liked this

Honestly, hearing only the positives makes me feel a little crazy and invalidated. I have all kinds of concerns regarding my sons development, and when they aren't addressed by professionals, I start to doubt my own perceptions. 

Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:13 AM
I agree with everyone else. I want the truth. I need to know what is going on with Nicolas. Knowing what needs to be dealt with is the best.
Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I want a realistic opinion but I don't want to dwell on "he isn't doing this."  I prefer strength based approaches.  If I hear "he's isn't doing this, this, this, this," I feel deflated and can't hear any more "can'ts" without exploding.

Observation is important but what I really prefer to hear more about are the strategies they are implementing to teach him, what works what doesn,t etc.    

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:45 AM
1 mom liked this

I already KNOW how smart and funny he can be... Give me IMPORTANT information! 

I hear you on this... I KNOW the good... i love him... I soend every day with him. Tell me the challenges he faces everyday, how youre helping him, and what I can do at home to support that! 

AspieAuntie
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

I totally agree. Right now I'm at the stage where I'm fighting to get Bugga an IEP and his school is sugar coating EVERYTHING saying "he's fine, he's fine, he's fine" to the point that I start doubting what I know to be true: that he's NOT fine and that he's come to hate school because he's so stressed out about it. I don't necessarily want the teacher conference to be all doom and gloom, but if they don't mention any areas that I know he's struggling in it feels like they've either given up or I've gone insane :P

Quoting lady_katie:

Honestly, hearing only the positives makes me feel a little crazy and invalidated. I have all kinds of concerns regarding my sons development, and when they aren't addressed by professionals, I start to doubt my own perceptions. 


jowen905
by Jan on Dec. 11, 2013 at 2:26 PM

I want to know everything - every struggle or issue so that we can come up with a plan to help deal with it.  I also know my son is very well-behaved, funny and puts in 100% effort and I want to hear about his accomplishments and advancements.  Some teachers are very focused on the negatives.  I directly asked one "negative" teacher "so, what are the positives you've seen with him", and after sputtering a bit she had several positive things to say!

Clemency3
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 2:53 PM

I am sort of the opposite. I end up getting better reviews on my son than I think I am going to get. I go in prepared to hear the worst in a sense. Unfortunately as professionals they are not allowed to give an opinion but I can understand what you mean by that. I think in terms of my son's case his teacher tends to put a positive spin on everything instead of getting down and to the serious point of it. But I just lay it all on the line and push her in that direction and eventually feel satisfied in the end with it. So if you want to know something more specific just question and drill the topic until it comes out. 

conejoazul
by Member on Dec. 11, 2013 at 2:57 PM
I want to know exactly how he measures compared to the average and top -end of his age range, then what can be done to facilitate his success in all areas. I don't specifically look to help my child be the best in any area - but knowing what is possible and where they measure against that is key in deciding what should be prioritized to maximize his strengths and tackle his weaknesses.
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