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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

I did the right thing..why the guilt??

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 6:19 PM
  • 29 Replies

Well one of my sons therapists is a wonderful person and my son does well with her but she is late everyday and is always canceling on me. When she is late she doesnt stay the extra 15-20 mins she was late either. She still has not sat down and tried to work out a schedule to make up the missed sessions. I've spoken to her a few times about being late all the time and canceling and still it happens every week.

Yesterday she text me at 8am and said it snowed a little and she's afraid to drive. Ok I can understand that even though we didn't even get an inch of snow. Fast forward to 10am same day. She calls and leaves me a message that says "the roads are better so I can drive but I'm going to go this meeting INSTEAD!!!! What the hell? I rely on all of his therapists to be here when they are supposed to be and spend the allotted amount of time with him that he needs and that we pay for. I understand people have lives and things happen but every week and on the days my son is supposed to have therapy with her?

Well I called her supervisor today and explained this had been ongoing since Sept and I do not feel like my sons progress seems important to her. This was in no way personal because I like her as a person this is about doing what's best for my son. The therapist also warned me that the winter was a rough time for her and all I could think was shes going to stop showing up constantly. 

In my heart I know what I did was right and in the best interest of my son but why do I still feel bad and guilty? 

by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 6:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Nickmom1118
by Nicole on Dec. 11, 2013 at 8:31 PM
You have to do what is best for your son! I remember when Nicolas was little and seeing a PT. she did the same thing to me. After her missing several appointments, I did the same thing. They gave us a new therapist and Nicolas did good because it was consistent.

Do what is best for your son. You probably feel bad because you liked her. Hugs.
Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 11, 2013 at 8:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I've been there and had to ask for another therapist because she was always changing times on us. I don't have time for that. I think you did the right thing. 

Linda733
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 8:51 PM

That's what I know he needs is the consistency. If she can't provide it and be a part of the team because he has four therapists working with him and they are all supposed to be doing their part and if any part of the team is a weak link they need to be replaced. I did like her and so did my son and part of me feels bad that now because I made a change he has to warm up and learn to trust yet another person. 

Quoting Nickmom1118: You have to do what is best for your son! I remember when Nicolas was little and seeing a PT. she did the same thing to me. After her missing several appointments, I did the same thing. They gave us a new therapist and Nicolas did good because it was consistent.

Do what is best for your son. You probably feel bad because you liked her. Hugs.


Linda733
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 8:54 PM

I agree neither my son nor I have time for that. I know it was the right thing I just hate that I'm so soft hearted sometimes :) 

Quoting Charizma77:

I've been there and had to ask for another therapist because she was always changing times on us. I don't have time for that. I think you did the right thing. 


Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 11, 2013 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand, I am the same way.

Quoting Linda733:

I agree neither my son nor I have time for that. I know it was the right thing I just hate that I'm so soft hearted sometimes :) 

Quoting Charizma77:

I've been there and had to ask for another therapist because she was always changing times on us. I don't have time for that. I think you did the right thing. 



mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 11, 2013 at 9:01 PM

I had a therapist who was just like that! She was always late. Up to 20 mins late. And once she cancelled on me because her dog had eaten her husbands glasses and she had to drive to get him some new ones. That really made me upset b/c my son was supposed to be starting his eval at the preschool that day but she told me to postpone that so she could come that day and see him. So he ended up missing his eval that day at the preschool AND her visit.

I never complained because 1) I really liked her as a person and 2) We only were going to have her for like 6 months anyway. My son was turning three and wouldn't be eligible for EI anymore.

I can tell you not to feel guilty but I know that is hard. I'd feel guilty too. HUGS momma. Hopefully your call will give her the motiviation she needs to do her job.

I work as a home visitor myself and have seen some of my co-workers get lazy and start assuming their friendships w/ the families would give them the license to not be there on time or to frequently cancel. I always wished those families would complain.

One of these co-workers of mine, she was very likable and knowledgeable but probably the worst one when it came to being late and canceling visits. When she was going to move away, we had hired a new girl to take her place and they were supposed to go out on visits together to make a smooth transition. Well the new girl later told me that this lady told her to "never be on time because otherwise the parents start expecting that."

I also learned that she would bring the mom's milkshakes and stuff from fast foods places as gifts to make up for missing appointments. Unbelievable!

jowen905
by Jan on Dec. 11, 2013 at 9:04 PM

 You're a soft-hearted, kind person, that's why.  However, your son trumps everything and everyone.  I know how you feel - you did the right thing but you don't want to "hurt" others along the way.  I totally get it, but we have to follow the path that helps our kids and that's what you did!

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Dec. 11, 2013 at 9:40 PM

You feel bad because you are a good person. You have a good heart and want nothing bad to happen to anyone. You probably think she is in some trouble because you called her boss. I am exactly the same way. I live with the guilt. We just have to be sure that we are putting our kids first and try not to let the lives of others matter.HUGS momma. You did right

Linda733
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 9:59 PM

You know the tardiness is annoying however if she stayed and made up for the time she was late I wouldn't be as upset over it. However, I'm at the point where I feel like come on lady what's the problem with being punctional every single Mon and Fri? I do feel like she has mistaken my kindness and understanding for weakness and leniency. Well she has me mistaken with someon else. If it affects my son I'm a totally different person. My son is only going to have her for 6 more months but that's 40 sessions (with just one of the therapists) so for me that's a lot of time I can not afford to have missed.

She shows up with half assed toys that are missing pieces and not enough at all to challenge my son or even make it through one hour. I've just been pushed to my breaking point and I've even spoken to her privately about the issues and she apologized as usual and then the very next session 15 mins late.

What pushed me over the edge is her calling me on Monday and telling me the roads were better and she could drive but she's going to a meeting instead. I was expecting to hear the roads are better so I will be there at 12:00. I hate to have negative feelings towards someone because she really is a very nice person and I've had a great relationship since day one.

I called her supervisor and they are going to be replacing her as soon as they find another therapist that is available for the same time the current therapist is supposed to be here.

As for the therapist saying don't show up on time or the parents will expect it, shame on her and if any therapist tried to bribe me with a milkshake I would tell them where to shove it. This is all about Zachary nobody or anything else. I'm just ensuring my child gets the best therapy possible. I will eventually not feel bad or guilty anymore by tomorrow :) ..thank you...hugs to you too 

Quoting mypbandj:

I had a therapist who was just like that! She was always late. Up to 20 mins late. And once she cancelled on me because her dog had eaten her husbands glasses and she had to drive to get him some new ones. That really made me upset b/c my son was supposed to be starting his eval at the preschool that day but she told me to postpone that so she could come that day and see him. So he ended up missing his eval that day at the preschool AND her visit.

I never complained because 1) I really liked her as a person and 2) We only were going to have her for like 6 months anyway. My son was turning three and wouldn't be eligible for EI anymore.

I can tell you not to feel guilty but I know that is hard. I'd feel guilty too. HUGS momma. Hopefully your call will give her the motiviation she needs to do her job.

I work as a home visitor myself and have seen some of my co-workers get lazy and start assuming their friendships w/ the families would give them the license to not be there on time or to frequently cancel. I always wished those families would complain.

One of these co-workers of mine, she was very likable and knowledgeable but probably the worst one when it came to being late and canceling visits. When she was going to move away, we had hired a new girl to take her place and they were supposed to go out on visits together to make a smooth transition. Well the new girl later told me that this lady told her to "never be on time because otherwise the parents start expecting that."

I also learned that she would bring the mom's milkshakes and stuff from fast foods places as gifts to make up for missing appointments. Unbelievable!


Linda733
by on Dec. 11, 2013 at 10:06 PM

Thank you. I really try hard to be kind to,others but it gets mistaken for weakness where someone thinks its ok to take advantage and its not. There is a beautiful child involved that needs the help of every one of these therapists and I will not let him down. The therapist had no problem putting a meeting before my sons therapy so why should I feel bad. I know in my heart I did what any other mother would have done..hugs :) 

Quoting JTMOM422:

You feel bad because you are a good person. You have a good heart and want nothing bad to happen to anyone. You probably think she is in some trouble because you called her boss. I am exactly the same way. I live with the guilt. We just have to be sure that we are putting our kids first and try not to let the lives of others matter.HUGS momma. You did right


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