Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Jealousy

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 2:01 AM
  • 20 Replies

A few friends who have NT kids have photos up on Facebook of their kids and some recent activities. 

One has pics of their son at a football banquet, one has her daughter playing soccer on a regular league and another has pics of her kids at an amusement park -- probably not having to worry about meltdowns, stares or stimming.

Im almost ashamed to admit it, but I feel jealous at times when I see stuff like that. Jealous that my DS will probably never be able to expirence things like NT kids.

Dont get me wrong, I'm very proud of my DS and all he's accomplished so far. It's just something I'm reminded of when I see pics of my friend's kids.

Does anyone feel like that at times?

by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 2:01 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
AspieAuntie
by Risa on Dec. 14, 2013 at 2:41 AM
1 mom liked this

I do sometimes, just because it seems so easy for them. I know it's not. I do know that. But the pretty picture people paint of their families and their kids on facebook makes me wonder what it would be like to have it "easy" like that. Where every day wasn't filled with struggles. Struggles to get proper accomodations at school, struggles to get schoolwork done at all, struggles to keep a positive attitude and calm demeanor in the face of meltdowns. I'm not saying I would change any of it or trade it, not for anything, but honestly it is hard and sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have an easier path. 

ineedcoffeemom
by Brittaney on Dec. 14, 2013 at 2:46 AM
2 moms liked this

Oh man .... YES, yes of course I do. It mainly hurts when I sister posts things ..... she had a son 3 months before my daughter was born so when I see her post videos of him, it hurts. They're so close in age that when I see him I think that's where my daughter should be. And I know you shouldn't compare children, even 2 NT children to each other, but it hurts and I can't help the way I feel. When we were just in the process of figuring out something was wrong and I saw him do things I thought ... am I a bad parent? What did I do wrong???

And I haven't done anything "wrong," I just have to do things different now. And let me tell you I'm really feeling those feelings tonight ..... I'm actually feeling like where did I go wrong????? It's 1:20 in the morning, my daughter probably won't go to sleep til 4am. She's only eaten about 10 different things for so long there's lots of times I don't even offer her new foods. Every time my husband goes out of town on business, my daughter doesn't understand him not coming home at night and it throw her all off and I don't know what to do. I just want to cry.

But she's showing a lot more interest in her puzzles ... so I went out a bought her 2 new ones, because it makes me feel better when I see her making progress somewhere.

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2013 at 8:38 AM
1 mom liked this

Sure! It always taps into my mouring that kid I thought I would have.. Ya know, the one I dreamed of playing catch outside, having to shuttle to baseball, soccer, swim team and golf lessons. The one who was getting invited to a couple of birthday parties and playdates... And those typical fights about cleaning his room, or sleepovers... And I dont get to be that typical parent... The one I dreamed of being... Lol...


But, ah.. We dont have that... And life with a difficult kid is difficult... And SURE, why wouldnt I want it easier, where I could "fit in" with everyone else (or at least a choice few...) who doesnt want the easier path then this one we have to walk..? Lol... We are all human... And NO, their job is NOT as hard as ours, they are not walking this path.. Their kids are easier.. (Not easy, but easier) 

I dont facebook.. And I guess Im glad, cause crap like that sometimes cuts to my core. 

Hug.. Huge hug.. Youre not alone, and I am glad YOU and the other moms here at CM are part of my choice few who get it, understand and appreciate all the hard work that goes into our kids..l 


-BeautifulRose-
by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:01 AM
My sister had her first son 3 months before my son was born. He is NT. I know exactly how you feel.

Quoting ineedcoffeemom:

Oh man .... YES, yes of course I do. It mainly hurts when I sister posts things ..... she had a son 3 months before my daughter was born so when I see her post videos of him, it hurts. They're so close in age that when I see him I think that's where my daughter should be. And I know you shouldn't compare children, even 2 NT children to each other, but it hurts and I can't help the way I feel. When we were just in the process of figuring out something was wrong and I saw him do things I thought ... am I a bad parent? What did I do wrong???

And I haven't done anything "wrong," I just have to do things different now. And let me tell you I'm really feeling those feelings tonight ..... I'm actually feeling like where did I go wrong????? It's 1:20 in the morning, my daughter probably won't go to sleep til 4am. She's only eaten about 10 different things for so long there's lots of times I don't even offer her new foods. Every time my husband goes out of town on business, my daughter doesn't understand him not coming home at night and it throw her all off and I don't know what to do. I just want to cry.

But she's showing a lot more interest in her puzzles ... so I went out a bought her 2 new ones, because it makes me feel better when I see her making progress somewhere.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't know why, but I honestly don't.  I enjoy seeing photos of other kids' activites and such.  It doesn't really bother me.  I don't really think about the fact that Brady won't do the same things as them.  

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:41 AM
2 moms liked this

This exactly.  

While I can understand why a SN parent would have these feelings, I just don't.  I think it is because I don't feel I am missing out on anything, they are.  My kids were not at all what I expected, but they bring me so much joy with every tiny accomplishment that seems so huge for them or hearing my non-verbal child giggle so much she snorts when she can't utter a single word.  Those are things parents of all NT children take for granted and miss seeing in their kids where I don't miss a thing.

Quoting darbyakeep45:

I don't know why, but I honestly don't.  I enjoy seeing photos of other kids' activites and such.  It doesn't really bother me.  I don't really think about the fact that Brady won't do the same things as them.  

 

wildchild.com
by Janine on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:52 AM
Of course & I think it's natural. But I also feel like as a mom of a special needs child I have a very special bond with my son. Not to say that nt moms don't bond with their children. But I do feel we special needs moms have a unique bond with our children.(((hugs))) mama
repetition
by Member on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:58 AM

I don't know if it's jealousy, more like a deep sadness. I'm proud of my son when he doesn't play with his feces or his hands are starting to look good from all the biting. Can you imagine if I did proud parent posts on facebook? Yea! 2 weeks of not touching his own poop. No MRSA this year from hand biting, WTG son! DD  has 1 true friend her age! School finally approved a 504 plan! Sometimes I hide posts that make me feel sad or don't have the heart to leave a like or comment.

I do find real life harder. I avoid a lot of people and keep visits short. They just don't get it and I don't expect them too.

mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 14, 2013 at 10:49 AM
It does. When I see pictures of my friends kids on the drum line, in plays, being successful in college, I feel a little twinge in my heart. My son is 16 and his major goal in life is to play minecraft.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 14, 2013 at 8:15 PM

I do, a lot of my friends have boys the same age as Ashton and I see the pics too. I'm jealous of the friendships my friends kids have with each other. Oh, they are nice to Ashton and call him their friend but I see the other boys together at their sports and other things. It's hard.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)