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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Just embarrassing...

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:24 PM
  • 13 Replies

sams BFF had him over tonight, Hubby and I had a holiday party to go to... But it got cancelled due to weather. We decided to let Sam go to BFFs house, and went to neighboring town out to dinner. 

We dropped off at 6, and got back at 8:15 to pick him up. 

BFFs mom said they had a great playdate.. Until this.... 

I walked in the door, and he freaked out.. He wasnt ready to go! He wanted to sleepover. BFFs mom agreed that tonight wasnt the best night with the bad weather. Her son sleeps at my house all the time, but Sam only slept there once (last march?) and had a nightmare and was unahppy. But he wants to try it again.. We agreed we would, in the future, not toight, he calmed down... 

THEN

he asked BFF if he could borrow a little lego minifigure and BFF said NO.. And Sam lost it again, screaming, hiding upstairs, refusing to leave, mad at his friend for not loaning the little toy.., sam Lost it so bad that I had to get hubby out of the car to carry Sam out of their house. 

It was just embarrassing, 

We got home, sam was calm by that time (its only about 15 houses away) but hubby said that IF he acts like that at other peoples houses, he can pretty much expect that he wont be invited back. 

I was a little more angry. It was just ridiculous. After I was done reading stories, I flat out said.. He needs to understand life doesnt go exactly how he wants it.. Everything cant be his way. 

do you think there was something else I missed? 

Ugh, he was great ALL day today, until THIS.. And that was 15 minutes, and then he expects everyone to just be ok with him. He said he was sorry... He was very remorseful... But UGH, im so,.. Embarrassed, 


by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Charizma77
by Carissa on Dec. 14, 2013 at 9:42 PM
2 moms liked this

How did his friend react to him acting like that? What about friends parents? I've had plenty of embarrassing moments with Ashton around friends of ours so I feel for you! Maybe he will tell you more after he has a good night sleep. I know Ashton doesn't always tell me everything right away and then he will tell me he was angry with me or sad or whatever it was he was feeling. He isn't always able to tell me right away and soemtimes he tells me months later and sometimes not at all.  I think this kind of thing is common with kids on the spectrum and I don't know if there is always an answer (well there probably is but I have no idea what it is lol). It's wonderful your son has a best friend. Ashton has friends but none that he is that close with or would even want to spend the night with. Actually, he prefers playing with girls and having conversations with adult men, boys his age who are not on the spectrum have been hard for him to make friends with.  

wildchild.com
by Janine on Dec. 14, 2013 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this
So sorry mama (((hugs)))
mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 14, 2013 at 10:27 PM
2 moms liked this
For me, it's more important how the adults act, not just the kids. I mean, kids are kids regardless of whether they are ASD or not. They are going to act up and make social mistakes. Hopefully your sons friend and his family can overlook his extreme reaction and let him learn from it without holding it against him. I think how you handled it was good. You took him home and didn't give in. I know that for me, I want my kids to learn these kind of life lessons (we don't always get our way) in the emotionally safe environment that is surrounded by people who care for them. Because if they can't learn it now, they are going to have to figure it out as adults and that becomes a much harder lesson (not to mention less socially acceptable).
Hugs.
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SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 15, 2013 at 4:52 AM
1 mom liked this

His friend went and hid in their playroom... He def. was looking at me and his mom when sam started to freak out when BFF first said no... Sam was whispering in the corner with BFF Since i have a pretyy strict no borrowing policy.. (Based on losing other peoples toys at this point..and feeling like I have to go all over to find and replace). Anyway, sam was whispering and BFF felt backed into a corner.. And was looking at me and his mom for help.. Sam was def. bullying him into changing his mind and was just ugly... 

His friends house is no shoes past front entry,, and i had on snowy boots.. So I felt a little helpless trying not to break their shoe rule.,, lol.. I just kept urging Sam to come toward me so we could talk anout it... And hope I could diffuse it. BFF mom was nice.. BUT she is very controlling and "typical' parent (and of course, her kids are great... Cause they CAN be..but she thinks its cause they are strict Parents,and I fear they may not completely get that this is soectrumy.. and just see this as bratty.... Or bad parenting.. But maybe aim not giving them enough credit, anyway, i dont want to have a playdate for a loooong time.., lol... 


Quoting Charizma77:

How did his friend react to him acting like that? What about friends parents? I've had plenty of embarrassing moments with Ashton around friends of ours so I feel for you! Maybe he will tell you more after he has a good night sleep. I know Ashton doesn't always tell me everything right away and then he will tell me he was angry with me or sad or whatever it was he was feeling. He isn't always able to tell me right away and soemtimes he tells me months later and sometimes not at all.  I think this kind of thing is common with kids on the spectrum and I don't know if there is always an answer (well there probably is but I have no idea what it is lol). It's wonderful your son has a best friend. Ashton has friends but none that he is that close with or would even want to spend the night with. Actually, he prefers playing with girls and having conversations with adult men, boys his age who are not on the spectrum have been hard for him to make friends with.  


darbyakeep45
by Darby on Dec. 15, 2013 at 6:41 AM

Hugs mama!  I think you handled it well...good job!

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 15, 2013 at 7:44 AM

 I know just where you're coming from. I can think of an instance or two where I was embarrassed and then the guilt set in. I just didn't want to feel that way over how Dillon acted but couldn't help myself.

If she doesn't let Sam stay over the way you do with her son, then shame on her...but at least let the boys continue their playdates wherever they may be. Sam is going to react how his emotions lead him to...D doesn't do that but will hit himself in the head. Only once...but I still hate that he does it!

I agree...they are going to have to learn maybe the hard way that life just doesn't go the way you wish all the time. As D gets older, I'm actually able to talk about this with him and he understands...Sam will be that way as he gets older too!

johnns
by Johnna on Dec. 15, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
Yeh, our little ones don't seem to handle 'no' too well. And that's what I say when it happens in front of others. I try to use humor, hold my head high as I'm trying to get a kicking, screaming, kid in the car- then yell back- 'thanks for having her over!'. Lol. It happens, part of it. I let the people know its not their fault that Sally can't take 'no', its nothing they did.
I'm sure the first few times I was completely embarrassed, but now its like wearing an old hat. I try to show grace.
Some kids 'stay' over better than others- even NT kids have troubles. To be honest, I'm not one to have a kid over that needs to call home in the middle of the night ect. Everyone knows their limits, maybe this mom is uncomfortable with it- you don't want him over there all night anyways if that's the case. But it would be a really nice break for you guys if she would take the chance.
BDSMI
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 1:16 PM

My son has freaked out at his friends house several times--hugs you did well. It is actually harder on you than the kiddos.  I made my son tell his friend sorry the next day and all was well.  I will tell you that my kiddos friends are great.  They will carry on a conversation with my child even if he does not respond. It is actually quite sweet. 

jowen905
by Jan on Dec. 15, 2013 at 1:18 PM

 Oh, we've had a few embarrassing situations!  Billy's never been one to have meltdowns (just was always CLINGY), but he would just ignore me when I said it was time to go.  What worked for him was just telling him if he did that again, he wouldn't be able to go to friend's house, the park, wherever, the next time he wanted to go.  So, he'd do it again (ignore me, hide somewhere), so whatever came up next, go play with a neighbor, go to the playground I didn't let him go and explained it was because he didn't listen to me the last time.  And when he got upset, I told him to go to his room and be upset because I didn't want to hear it.

What's worked for him, of course, won't necessarily work for other kids.  He's actually pretty much been a good "obeyer of rules" and he knows that whatever I've threatened to do is what I will do.

I think you did the right thing.  And I've seen plenty of NT kids have meltdowns when it's time to go home.  I don't think anything of it, really, kids will be kids.

-BeautifulRose-
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 1:35 PM
Just be thankful it only happened in front of the family ;) Last night my son went all nuts in front of a whole crowd of people when there was a long wait at the restaurant. I really should've known better :( Anyway, I hope that Sam's friend and his parents don't hold his behavior against him and they'll have him over again.
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