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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

Socially disconnected

Posted by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 10:51 PM
  • 11 Replies
I have 2 boys & a daughter . My daughter is a twin & she has autism. Her brothers are NT. Today I went to a birthday party with her twin. I stayed & tried to socialize with the other parents. I felt so disconnected! I feel increasingly more interested in connecting with the parent's of my daughter's friends than with my sons' friend's parents. I just don't feel I relate to them as well. It's not doing my boys any favors in the social department that I'm not friends with the other parents. Anyone else have this issue? Any advice to overcome this? I wish I could just let go & discuss "normal" family / school topics.
by on Dec. 14, 2013 at 10:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mypbandj
by Jen on Dec. 15, 2013 at 12:04 AM
I kinda had that experience. Though it wasn't based on my kids being ASD or nt. My kids were in private school and I felt much more comfortable and connected with my daughters class/parents than with my sons.

I don't feel like I am socially akward but sometimes I do find it hard to connect. I usually just say it's because the other people are snobs. LOL

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with a new group of women I have never met in real life. Were doing a felt food exchange (as gifts for our littles) and I'm so nervous! I'm having anxiety about even going.
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darbyakeep45
by Darby on Dec. 15, 2013 at 7:44 AM

Hugs mama!  I've never been there before as my son is an only child. 

TheJerseyGirl
by Michele on Dec. 15, 2013 at 7:49 AM

 I have had this issue with D's classmates parents too! I found a better connection with our school's parent support group but they stopped the meetings last year. WAH!

kajira
by Emma on Dec. 15, 2013 at 11:16 AM

I don't know, being autistic myself, I don't really connect with most people even when I try. LOL

I do best with people who have babies. Babies are easy to talk about. :P

jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2013 at 2:29 PM
I guess it's just that I'm so wrapped in this special needs world of therapy, extra academic help for my daughter, finding activities that are appropriate for her, etc... When I connect with other special needs parents, there's so much to talk about. With the parents of my son's friends, I just find it difficult. The activities they do don't work for us. The topic yesterday was about which teacher they like, what sport groups are "the best" to enroll your kids, which kids are modeling or acting, the next vacation plans & other gossip type things. I had nothing to contribute & just didn't relate. Plus, I couldn't help thinking that my family must provide some fun gossip as we're seen out with a tantruming child more than once in awhile!
lady_katie
by Silver Member on Dec. 15, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I'm wondering if maybe some of your daughters friends parents are in the same boat as you. Maybe some of them also have NT children and find themselves facing the same issue? 

JTMOM422
by Brenda on Dec. 15, 2013 at 4:51 PM
2 moms liked this

I feel this way myself. I find it easier to have discussions with mom's who have children on the spectrum. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. It just seems these parents are less judgemental about issues with children. They don't mind my son screeching or running in circles. They have enough on their own plates to judge anyone elses

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 15, 2013 at 9:04 PM

I feel this way just based on having 1 kid.. But he is HFA. He is in the ICT class so 1/2 sp ed, 1/2 reg ed.. Since he is HFA he can sometimes blend.. Sometimes, not so much... I find parents of NT kids seem soo judgemental, and dont understnad or accept my sons challenges, or accept me either. I have to parent a different way, and they just dont have to think about it,,, so really, we have very little in common... 

I keep playing back this interaction with this NT mom at pick up at school F. It was freezing out, and Sam didnt want to wear his coat, so, I let him head for the car without it... And this NT mom glared at me and said "how can you let him out without a coat?" ... My response was " if he gets cold, im guessing he will put it on. If he doesnt, i guess he will suffer the concequences of no coat." (Seemed reasonable to me, especially knowing he doesntlike his coat, from a sensory perspective) What was I going to fight with him over a coat??! Hey, dont think I didnt suggest it.. He said no. " 

But then the mom says.. "Wow, my kids listen to me when I tell them to do something... They know to do it, or else! They dont tell ME no!"

All I could think was, yep, she thinks Im a crappy mom... And really ladies, you know the blow up he MAY have had over the coat in front of 60 people.. No thanks... I picked the lesser of the evils, worked within what sam could handle... which makes me a GREAT mom. Lol


Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Dec. 15, 2013 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I have accepted I am "weird" (in a good way)... neither me nor hubby intermingle/socialize well with others. We have maybe 3 parents we relate well with. I read, use headphones when stuck at events that I have to stay. I no longer worry about what others think about it, works for me:)
jennymoon4
by Bronze Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Aha! The judgement. That's what it is. The conversations with the parents I meet through my sons seem to be more likely to discuss things in a much more right & wrong fashion. With our family, we just go with what works in the moment. It's cold & you don't want a coat? So what - you'll put it on when you feel REALLY cold. Even though my boys are NT, I'm really the same with them. I don't bother with keeping up appearances. We generally probably look pretty disastrous when we're in social settings anyways, so why bother! Unfortunately, I'm used to stares at this point & I don't give them a lot of thought. We went to a party tonight with my daughter's special needs dance group. She had a big meltdown during it & nobody really gave it much thought. A couple people came out to the hallway to check whether we needed food & check how she was settling. Then we returned after she calmed & didn't feel funny at all.

Quoting SamMom912:

I feel this way just based on having 1 kid.. But he is HFA. He is in the ICT class so 1/2 sp ed, 1/2 reg ed.. Since he is HFA he can sometimes blend.. Sometimes, not so much... I find parents of NT kids seem soo judgemental, and dont understnad or accept my sons challenges, or accept me either. I have to parent a different way, and they just dont have to think about it,,, so really, we have very little in common... 

I keep playing back this interaction with this NT mom at pick up at school F. It was freezing out, and Sam didnt want to wear his coat, so, I let him head for the car without it... And this NT mom glared at me and said "how can you let him out without a coat?" ... My response was " if he gets cold, im guessing he will put it on. If he doesnt, i guess he will suffer the concequences of no coat." (Seemed reasonable to me, especially knowing he doesntlike his coat, from a sensory perspective) What was I going to fight with him over a coat??! Hey, dont think I didnt suggest it.. He said no. " 

But then the mom says.. "Wow, my kids listen to me when I tell them to do something... They know to do it, or else! They dont tell ME no!"

All I could think was, yep, she thinks Im a crappy mom... And really ladies, you know the blow up he MAY have had over the coat in front of 60 people.. No thanks... I picked the lesser of the evils, worked within what sam could handle... which makes me a GREAT mom. Lol


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