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Autism - Support Across the Spectrum Autism - Support Across the Spectrum

How do i explain this?

Posted by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:06 PM
  • 20 Replies

 My mom and dad are both dying of cancer. my mom is much worse though and we found out very suddenly. Ethan cannot comprehend why he can't see grandma. It is breaking my heart. I also have no idea for how to prepare him. We talked about her possibly going to see Jesus soon, but he thinks I mean the baby Jesus. which made me giggle a little, but it's not right. He is 3. he has limited verbal understanding.

by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:11 PM

I have no suggestions, just I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you are going to have to figure this out for your son, and I'm sorry you're parents are dying.  Cancer is no fun.  Hugs. 

SamMom912
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:18 PM

Im so sorry. Cancer sucks. My MIL passed from a brain tumor.. 50 weeks of roller coaster emotions and heartbreak. Im so sorry your family is going thru this... BIG HUG. 

Why cant your son see her? Can you arrange for them to see one other? I think it would be cathartic for both? No? I would stay away from saying shes "sick" since everyone gets sick.. But other then that, all I can say is maybe the library may have some books for kids to help explain? 

Hospice came in to talk with my neices and nephews who were 3,5,6,8, 10 ( my 2 SILs kids) maybe u can figure something like that out? 

HUG. 

Jenibob
by Bronze Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:30 PM

I went through this last year.  My kids lost my mom, who was my son's #1 buddy.  For us, I didn't share her illness, explaination of cancer, etc.  He visited her when she felt well and didn't when she felt poor.  One of my most favorite memories is when he put on her wig, she roared with laughter and he never knew she wore a wig because she lost her hair.  It was so innocent and positive.  I think he sensed Grandma had a serious illness but we didn't talk about it in depth.  He definitely was not at the hospital her last week, would have scared him and my mom would have never stood for that.  We kept it simple, "Grandma doesn't feel well."  When she passed it hurt him and we could talk about it.  There was a book that hospice provided us, it helped me prepare for telling my kids.  We talked about how Grandma went to where we can't see her anymore.  We talk about heaven however my son is very literal and I could see he was thinking this was somewhere he could visit now.  It was confusing for him.  We stick to discussions about memories, fun times, etc.  My only advice would be to keep it simple, the more simple the better.. Try not to talk about your parets illness in front of him.  It was such a horrible time.  I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, it sucks.   You and your family will be in my prayers.  Stay strong!

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:38 PM

 i will check with her oncologist if they have books. good idea. right now she has just been moved from icu because she had a large mass removed. soon he can see her again. but idk for how long. i'm an only child so i have to be gone alot to be with my dad during all of this. just 2 weeks ago she was taking him to a live nativity.

Quoting SamMom912:

Im so sorry. Cancer sucks. My MIL passed from a brain tumor.. 50 weeks of roller coaster emotions and heartbreak. Im so sorry your family is going thru this... BIG HUG. 

Why cant your son see her? Can you arrange for them to see one other? I think it would be cathartic for both? No? I would stay away from saying shes "sick" since everyone gets sick.. But other then that, all I can say is maybe the library may have some books for kids to help explain? 

Hospice came in to talk with my neices and nephews who were 3,5,6,8, 10 ( my 2 SILs kids) maybe u can figure something like that out? 

HUG. 

 

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:40 PM

 thank you. i just feel so bad for him. my mil is a psycho who is not allowed in our house, i have no fil. this poor kid is gonna have no grandparents. how sucky is that?

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

I have no suggestions, just I'm sorry.  I'm sorry you are going to have to figure this out for your son, and I'm sorry you're parents are dying.  Cancer is no fun.  Hugs. 

 

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 9:40 PM

 tfs. i'm sorry for you loss.

Quoting Jenibob:

I went through this last year.  My kids lost my mom, who was my son's #1 buddy.  For us, I didn't share her illness, explaination of cancer, etc.  He visited her when she felt well and didn't when she felt poor.  One of my most favorite memories is when he put on her wig, she roared with laughter and he never knew she wore a wig because she lost her hair.  It was so innocent and positive.  I think he sensed Grandma had a serious illness but we didn't talk about it in depth.  He definitely was not at the hospital her last week, would have scared him and my mom would have never stood for that.  We kept it simple, "Grandma doesn't feel well."  When she passed it hurt him and we could talk about it.  There was a book that hospice provided us, it helped me prepare for telling my kids.  We talked about how Grandma went to where we can't see her anymore.  We talk about heaven however my son is very literal and I could see he was thinking this was somewhere he could visit now.  It was confusing for him.  We stick to discussions about memories, fun times, etc.  My only advice would be to keep it simple, the more simple the better.. Try not to talk about your parets illness in front of him.  It was such a horrible time.  I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, it sucks.   You and your family will be in my prayers.  Stay strong!

 

BDSMI
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 10:00 PM

We made a picture book and put all our favorite pictures of grandma in there.  This way anytime he was sad or missed grandma he could pull out his book.  As he got older in little ways we explained why he could no longer see grandma bit by bit he understood why grandma never came home.  HUGS

jowen905
by Jan on Dec. 16, 2013 at 10:03 PM

 I'm so, so sorry about your parents.  You'll figure out the best way to tell him, but I know it will be hard.  My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.  Hugs.

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 10:44 PM
Great idea! I need to raid my moms pics for this. We dont have tons since we just moved back in june but I'm sure we can find enough for a small book.

Quoting BDSMI:

We made a picture book and put all our favorite pictures of grandma in there.  This way anytime he was sad or missed grandma he could pull out his book.  As he got older in little ways we explained why he could no longer see grandma bit by bit he understood why grandma never came home.  HUGS

EthansMomma2010
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 10:45 PM
Thank you

Quoting jowen905:

 I'm so, so sorry about your parents.  You'll figure out the best way to tell him, but I know it will be hard.  My thoughts and prayers are with you right now.  Hugs.

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